Hail, Caesar! Page #9

Click! A sallow thin young man with heavy beard shadow has

just snapped a picture of Baird. A sickly smile at Baird and

then he turns to face someone else in the room

and——click!——takes a picture.

HERMAN:

See, if you understand economics,

you can actually write down what

will happen in the future, with as

much confidence as you write down

the history of the past. Because

it’s science. It’s not make-

believe. Like Professor Marcuse

says. There’s no mystery.

THIRD MAN:

We don’t believe in Santa Claus!

Hearty guffaws.

49.

Click! The photographer is edging around the group,

continuing his picture-taking.

HERMAN:

Another finger sandwich? More tea?

BAIRD:

But if I——sure, thank you——if I

follow this, correctly, you——

(eye caught by man with

camera)

Who’s he?

SECOND MAN:

Mr. Smitrovich takes pictures for

our newsletter.

The sallow picture-snapper smiles again at Baird.

MARCUSE:

Our understanding of the true

workings of history gives us access

to the levers of power. Your

studio, for instance, is a pure

instrument of capitalism. As such

it expresses the contradictions of

capitalism, and can be enlisted to

finance its own destruction.

HERMAN:

Which is exciting! It can be made

to help the little guy, the regular

Joe——

ANGRY MAN:

The body politic!

HERMAN:

Shutup!——help the little guy, even

though its purpose is to exploit

the little guy.

BAIRD:

Okay, so you guys are for the

little guy.

HERMAN:

Well——for the little guy,

against——it doesn’t matter, history

will be what it will be, and we

already know what it will be,

but——yes, we’re for the little guy,

aren’t you?

50.

BAIRD:

Are you joking? Me, for the little

guy? Of course I’m for the little

guy! Is this guy a comedian?

FOURTH MAN:

And you would act. To help the

little guy.

BAIRD:

Act?

FOURTH MAN:

Praxis.

BAIRD:

What?

FOURTH MAN:

Act.

BAIRD:

Yeah yeah, act yeah, but——sorry

fellas, this is good stuff, but——I

oughta get back to work, they must

be goin nuts——can we cut it off and

pick it up right here at the next

study session?

The clatter subsides to quiet. Cautious looks are exchanged

among the men.

Herman, gazing at Baird and nodding, thinking, finally frames

his opening:

HERMAN:

Okay, well, see:
I’m afraid it’s

not that simple.

As we cut wide on the room, the same voice that narrated the

sandal epic “Hail, C.sar!” at the beginning of our movie

returns, distinguished, British-accented, authoritative yet

plummily comforting:

VOICE-OVER

And so Baird Whitlock found himself

in the hands of Communists...

Herman starts to silently explain things to Baird. The scene

of cozy bonhomie is framed by the elemental vastness of the

ocean outside.

51.

VOICE-OVER (CONT’D)

Meanwhile, far from the crashing

surf of Malibu, Eddie Mannix, torn

from his lunch with the Lockheed

man...

EXT. CAPITOL LOT / H.C. STAGE - DAY

A montage of Eddie, a tiny, solitary figure, striding through

the canyons between enormous sand-colored soundstages.

VOICE-OVER

... hurries back to the vastness of

Capitol Pictures, whose tireless

machinery clanks on, producing this

week’s ration of dreams for all the

weary peoples of the world.

Closer on Eddie as he enters the small door of a soundstage.

The light above the door is flashing red.

INT. H.C. STAGE - DAY

INSIDE:

High-ceilinged darkness and quiet. A man posted at the door

hisses at Eddie, entering:

MAN:

Hey, numbskull, didn’t you see the

“rolling” li——Oh, I’m sorry Mr.

Mannix. Can I help you find

someone?

We have been hearing the distant, echoing voices of two

actors, a hoarse-voiced man and a silken-voiced woman.

Their voices bump up full as we cut to the periphery of the

scene being shot around a great flickering brasier. An actor

in centurion’s wardrobe identical to Baird’s has one hand

half-covering his face as the other arm stretches out as if

to repel the gaze of a revealingly clad slavegirl.

URSULINA:

Autolochus! Why do you present

yourself in my chambers in such

humble fashion?

52.

CHUNK MULLIGAN:

Do not look upon me, Ursulina. The

fires of the brasier of Sestimus

latterly burned my face, though the

unguents of Arkimideus promise

shortly to undo the damage.

In the foreground Eddie leans in to Walt Dubrow, watching the

scene, and whispers:

EDDIE:

Walt.

DUBROW:

Eddie!

He fishes a twice-folded paper from his pocket.

Eddie holds it up so that he may read by the flickering gag-

light that simulates brasier flames. Typewritten:

We have your movie star.

Gather $100,000 and await

instructions.

Who are We?

The Future.

URSULINA:

You know that my love is for you

not for your station, and neither

does it care for the transitory

blemishes that now mark your

visage.

Eddie gives a low whistle at the contents of the note.

CHUNK MULLIGAN:

And my ardor for you is yet as warm

as the embersh of thish

bra——goddamnit——this brazher. I’m

sorry, goddamnit.

VOICE:

Cut!

EXT. H.C. TEMPLE SET - DAY

OUTSIDE:

Eddie and Walt emerge from the soundstage onto an exterior

set with thick temple columns.

53.

DUBROW:

Somebody slipped it under my door

some time after we broke this

morning.

EDDIE:

Mention it to anyone?

DUBROW:

Nope.

Eddie gazes, unseeing, down the row of columns as two workmen

tip the farthest one, striking it.

EDDIE:

Okay, let’s keep it that way.

(realizes where he is)

We shot this out?

DUBROW:

Chasing the money-lenders from the

temple? Yeah, last Friday.

Eddie nods, thinking.

EDDIE:

What do you think they mean, “The

Future”?

Walt answers with a beats-me shrug and headshake. Eddie gazes

back down at the note and moseys off——but turns back with a

bright finger-cock at Walt:

... Chunk sounded good in there!

INT. EDDIE’S OUTER OFFICE - DAY

Eddie bangs through a door that says:

EDWARD MANNIX:

HEAD OF PHYSICAL PRODUCTION

EDDIE:

Natalie, could you please get me

Stu Schwartz, Accounting?

INNER OFFICE:

Eddie strides in as the phone on his desk buzzes:

54.

NATALIE’S VOICE

Stu Schwartz on two.

EDDIE:

Stu, how are you. I need some petty

cash... Hundred thousand. I’m

sorry, did I say “petty”?...

With the handset shoulder-clamped to his ear he stoops and

pulls on attach. case from the legwell of his desk and places

it on the desktop and pops the clasps and starts emptying it.

... Yeah, well it’s a long story

and I’ll tell it to ya sometime.

You have that much in the

office?... How much space’ll that

take up?... Okay, this might do it.

I’ll be over in a minute.

As soon as he disconnects, Natalie edges into the office.

NATALIE:

Thora Thacker just came in, wonders

if you have a moment.

Eddie winces.

EDDIE:

Thora Thacker. Tell her I’m stuck

on a call. I’ll leave through the

patio.

EXT. CAPITOL LOT - DAY

As Eddie marches past the executive offices with his emptied

attach. case, a tall red-haired woman arcs in to march

alongside him. He winces.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote