Hail the Conquering Hero Page #8

"Don't bother to

stand on ceremony. "

In the first place,

he doesn't want me.

Oh, you asked him, did you?

I did not.

In the second place,

I'm engaged to you.

I had plenty of time to think it over before

I accepted you, and that's all there is to it.

A girl who went around

changing her mind all the time

wouldn't be much good,

I don't think.

She wouldn't be

much good to me.

Well, she wouldn't be

much good to anybody.

Thank you.

Where's your ring?

My aunt has it.

I was afraid of losing it

in all the excitement.

Oh. How did he take

the news anyway?

Oh, you mean Woodrow?

Well, naturally

I mean Woodrow.

How many people

did you have to break it to?

Well, I didn't quite get

the chance to tell him yet.

You haven't told him yet?

I didn't get the chance.

Then, what have you been doing

all day, basking in his glory?

I just didn't

get an opening.

Do you want me to tell him?

I'll create an opening.

No, I don't.

Holy mackerel.

Don't sound like your father.

Well, when are you gonna tell him?

Well, I'll go over

in a little while.

Be sure and put on

something pretty. I will.

And try not to break his heart. I won't.

Holy mackerel. Will I

see you anymore tonight?

No.

Well, then, good night.

Good night, dear.

Say, you haven't got

any more boyfriends

in the Army, the Navy

or the Marine Corps, have you?

No, dear.

He was the only one.

Well, that's the war for you.

It's always hard on women.

Either they take your men away

and never send them back at all,

or they send them back

unexpectedly just to embarrass you.

No consideration at all.

There, there, there.

...and when I say surrounded,

I mean surrounded!

One for the little girl.

We want Woodrow

for our mayor.

M- A-R-E? M- A-Y-O-R.

What's the matter with you?

What have horses

got to do with it?

It's a good thing this food

came in when it did.

It's a good thing

Woodrow came in when he did.

Win with Woodrow!

One Woodrow Special.

Coming up. That means

the best of everything.

Win with Woodrow. Now be careful.

The ink is still a little fresh.

Wait a minute.

He's on his feet.

He's running toward us carrying

the machine gun with him.

He's fooled them, see?

Their guns began to chatter,

but he reached the trees.

We're saved,

and as he comes staggering...

Your mother told you not to

drink any more of that stuff.

Say, am I four years old or

something? You give me that...

You behave yourself and do

like your mother tells you.

You made her

enough trouble.

I made her trouble?

That's right.

You made me trouble.

You and your mother complex...

Listen, knucklehead, you take

one more crack at your mother...

Who's taking cracks at my

mother? All I said was...

Well, don't say it.

Are you nuts or something?

Maybe.

Oh, Woodrow, isn't it

wonderful? I'm so proud of you.

We're short of sugar.

Oh, my boy.

There's only one...

You see that look in her eyes?

Yes, I saw it.

Well, that's what

we're working for, see?

Can't you get it through

that thick skull of yours...

All right, you're on next. Just

shoot them some bull about how you was

in a hot spot with your foot

caught in a gizmo

and the ringtails

is coming from all sides,

and just when you ain't got a

chance, who should come along but...

Will you quit telling lies

and getting me in deeper and deeper

so there'll never be a way out?

They're eating it up.

Let them enjoy it.

Can I tell them about

me and Smitty at Tulagi?

Sure, only you gotta be

Smitty, and he's got to be you,

and you both gotta come

out alive. Ding how.

Everything's going great.

You're gonna win the walk,

and once you're in, you're in.

Don't you understand

an election based on fraud...

Where's the fraud?

You was in the Marines.

Look, I didn't expect this

any more than you did,

but now that it happened,

let it happen.

They want heroes,

we got six of them.

All right, we throw in a seventh

for good luck. Who's counting?

We're doing it

for your ma, kid.

They say opportunity's only

got one hair on its head,

and you gotta grab it

while it's going by

and dog it down or you

mightn't get another chance.

I don't want another chance.

I don't want any part of it.

You got it

whether you want it or not.

Don't you understand that

this is all based on lies?

What lies? You put on the wrong blouse

when the train come into the station.

That could happen to anybody. The

lies they're telling out front.

Who's telling lies out front?

Every one of those boys is telling the

truth, except they change the names a little

so as not to

give out military information.

"Lies"!

Anyway, those ain't lies. Those are

campaign promises. They expect them.

Hello, Woodrow.

Hello, Libby.

Gee, you look lovely.

Thank you.

You shouldn't drink

too much of that stuff, dear,

no matter how much

you feel like celebrating.

Are you gonna start now?

Why, Woodrow, I'm only

thinking of your own good.

Well, there are

too many people doing it.

They're thinking

about my own good so much,

they're gonna land me in the

hoosegow, if they haven't already.

Why, Woodrow, you've been

nipping. I have not been nipping.

And I'll tell you

something else.

I have something to tell you,

Woodrow. All right, all right,

but the less you hang around

here and are seen with me,

the better it's gonna be

for you, you understand?

Now, I'm telling you

that for your good.

Oh, you needn't think I want

to cash in on your glory.

All I came here to tell you...

Who said anything about that?

All I came here to tell you is that

I'm going to marry Forrest Noble

next Sunday morning at 10:00,

and the only reason

I didn't tell you all day...

That's marvelous.

...was because I didn't want

to spoil your homecoming.

But that's marvelous. That's

the best news I heard all day.

Well, I'm glad

you feel that way about it.

At least I don't have

to worry about you.

Because I think

it's marvelous, too,

and I hope I never see you

again as long as I live.

Here's your frat pin.

Wait a minute, will you?

Woodrow, you've just got to come

out and address the crowd again.

They will no longer accept

substitutes any longer.

I am not going out

to address the crowd again.

I already told them

how I felt.

But that's no way to

run for mayor. Or is it?

I'm not running for mayor.

But you are running for mayor.

But I'm not.

Whether you like it or not.

You've been drafted.

Can they do that?

Sure.

They done it.

Listen to them.

You listen to them.

Feel it.

Win with Woodrow

Win with Woodrow

Let's give Everett the air

Up with Woodrow

Down with Noble

Let's kick Evvy off the chair

Up our hero goes and down

this zero goes 'cause we want

It's just like Lincoln said,

"You can fool all of the people

part of the time and part of the... "

Where'd he go?

What's happened to him?

What do you want?

Look, I'm in enough trouble

without you turning against me.

When did I turn against you? I've

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