Half Baked Page #3

-

- Here you go.

One pound of marijuana,

and you can sign for it right here.

l-- l sign for this,

and it's mine ?

And l take it ?

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Some good sh*t.

Oh, thank you, thank you,

thank... you.

Look, here's-- here's a little

something for your troubles.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Shh !

Let's not tell anyone

about it, okay ?

Sure. Shh.

Hey, why didn't you tell me

you were into this sh*t ?

- We could've been hangin' out

months ago.

- No, no, no.

The Food and Drug Administration are

having us do a study to determine what,

if any, are the medicinal purposes

of marijuana.

Mmm. Wow.

lf you ever need

a guinea pig, let me know.

My grandfather was

in the Tuskegee experiments.

Oh, really ?

Anyway, thank you,

janitor. Enjoy.

Thank you, scientist.

Got any papers ?

No cocktail party would be

complete without the ice plant.

Hey, fellas.

What's goin' on ?

- What's up ?

- Nothin', man.

Bummin', thinkin' about Kenny.

Yeah.

l got some weed at work today,

if y'all wanna try it out.

Nah, yo. We don't feel like

smokin' right now.

Me neither. Me neither.

- So, y'all want to smoke ?

- l'll get Billy Bong Thornton.

- That's what l'm talkin' about.

- No, Scarface.

No Billy Bong Thornton

without Kenny.

That would not be right, man.

Use Wesley Pipes. Yeah.

Man, they got whole bunch

of this stuff at work.

One of those scientists

gave it to me.

Ain't tried the sh*t out yet,

but it smells like the bomb.

- All right.

- Yeah, man. Yeah.

l'll do the honors.

- Excuse me.

- Please do.

Yo, this sh*t

must be good, B.

My man ain't coughed like

that since back in the day.

You sure l should

do this, man ?

Oh, yeah. That sh*t made

my head hot.

Oh, man.

Pass it this way.

Don't break the cipher.

Oh-- hold it.

l gotta give The Guy some of this.

The Guy gotta taste this.

- Yeah.

- Hey, Guy.

Hey, man. Sorry to wake you,

but you gotta try this.

l'm takin' it slow, man.

Hey, who's

on munchies tonight ?

We should make

that lazy b*tch, The Guy, go.

For real. l don't know about y'all,

but l can't even move.

Real, B, right ?

lt's like

l feel stuck here, yo.

l'm glued to the floor.

You guys feel

like you're floating ?

Yeah. Yeah.

- Wanna go outside ?

- Yeah.

l don't need to

tell you this, but this weed was...

the shiz-nittle-bam

snip-snap-sack !

- Look !

- Wow, look at that !

Hey, you guys.

Let's go check in

on Kenny, huh ?

You're not a fish. You're a man.

You're not a fish.

You're a man.

Where did that come from ?

We've really gotta get

this guy out of jail.

You walk around

on both legs, homo erectus !

Did l say ''homo'' ?

l didn't mean that !

Thurgood !

Thurgood !

l got it ! l know how

we could get Kenny out.

- How ?

- Weed, man.

We'll sell weed.

Man, you can't up

and decide to sell weed.

You gotta know people to plug you

into that kind of thing.

- l do !

- Who you know ?

- You, yo.

- Me ?

What, you think l can just walk in

and take this sh*t ?

l gotta-- l gotta get

a form from a scientist.

Well, how hard can it be, man ?

There's gotta be forms laying around.

l mean,

they are scientists.

What the f***

are you talkin' about, man ?

Look, l'm not stealin' weed.

We are not sellin' weed.

We are three

reasonably bright young men.

- Bully, man.

- Word, yo.

There has got to be a legitimate way

to come up with this money.

We just gotta think.

That's all that is.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Wait. Wait.

l think l got an idea.

Why don't we sell that sh*t

we smoked the other night, yo ?

- Yeah.

- You suggested that already.

- For real, B ?

-

Marijuana affects the memory.

lt won't take us

hardly any time, B.

- Too risky, man.

- Stop bein' such a wussy, yo.

- What other choice do we have, right ?

- Yeah.

Okay, fine. Fine.

We'll do it.

- Yeah.

- Gonna do it till Kenny's out,

and we're done.

We're not drug dealers.

We're fund-raisers.

- Of course, B.

- Bully, man.

Okay.

Scarface, lay it

on me, brother.

Check it out, yo.

lt's like this.

Scarface's plan wasn't that bad.

- Hey, good night, Mike.

- See you tomorrow.

Good night.

All l had to do was get forms from that

scientist that kept calling me janitor,

forge one of the forms and put

the order in like l did before.

- Thank you.

- Then we scraped together

what little money we had...

and bought bikes

to help us move the product,

then stapled samples of our weed

on the back of our business cards.

Then we called the company Mr. Nice Guy

in honor of our friend Kenny.

Hey, uh, you guys believe

in angels or--

Man, give me

your fruit cocktail.

Well, l can't.

lf l did that, then l'd have

to give it to you every day,

and l won't get

all my vitamins.

- Do you know who you're dealing with ?

- Chill, Nasty Nate.

He's my b*tch. Anybody gonna

stab him, it's gonna be me.

You got a problem with that ?

Watch your back, Fish, 'cause

Squirrel Master ain't gonna be

there for you all the time.

'Cause next time l come for you,

l'm gonna want some cocktail-- fruit.

Take it.

l'm somebody's b*tch.

You guys gotta do something.

There's this guy Nasty Nate

who's after my cocktail fruit,

and everyone here

likes fresh fish.

And then the Squirrel Master came out

of left field and told me l'm his b*tch.

- Help !

- Ken, listen. We got a plan.

- What is it ?

- lt's not the most honest plan.

You might not like it.

- We gonna sell weed, yo.

- Yeah, great. Weed. Good. Go.

- All right, man.

- Go !

No more window love.

Go and sell it.

We figured the best way to

spread the word was to hit the streets.

And hit the streets we did.

- Mary Jane

- How y'all feel about Mary Jane

- Y'all don't know about Mary Jane

- Mary Jane

So listen to what they say

'cause Mary never could trip

Mary very, very necessary

Extraordinary bein' Mary

To the mortuary, One kiss from

her sweet lips and out come a-vision

-

- Three for dinner.

Smoke that

and get back to us.

Mr. Nice Guy has arrived, baby.

He's on.

- All right.

- l'm in love with Mary Jane

l'm not the only one

- Oh, yes.

- Mary likes to play around

Look at all these people !

All right, guys. Be quick.

Let's just do this and get out of here.

- Let's go, man.

- Let's go.

- lt's money.

Mary likes to spread her love

And turn my head around

l'm in love with Mary Jane

She is my main thing

She make me feel all right

- She make my heart sing

- All right, how'd you guys make out ?

- Good. l'm all out of cards, B.

- Me too.

That would make three of us.

All right.

We did our part, right ?

l just hope they smoke it.

- lf you love me, Mary Jane

- Mary Jane

We're talkin' about Mary Jane

How y'all feel about Mary Jane

- Mary Jane

- She's my main thing

- We're talkin' about Mary Jane

- Damn, this weed is good.

- Y'all don't know about Mary Jane

- Mary Jane

She make my heart sing

- This is so--

- We are in business, man.

- Hold on. Hold on.

-

- Mr. Nice Guy.

- Oh, l may have the wrong number.

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