Hall Pass Page #4

gawking at every guy I see.

Okay, so I occasionally notice

other women. I'm sorry.

Occasionally?

Driving in a car with you is like being

with a horny bobblehead.

I notice women. I notice all women.

I do. And you wanna know why?

- it's because of the way guys are wired.

- Oh, come on. Give me a break.

It's true. it's just the way it is.

It's not the way you think. it's more

like a curse. it's something you can't help.

I thought when we got married that it would

stop, but it doesn't. it's just-- it's there.

I'm giving you a hall pass.

- A what?

- One week off from marriage.

What, like a trial separation?

You are seriously overreacting.

No, it's not a separation, it's a hall pass.

You can do whatever you want.

Get it out of your system.

Wait a second, are you for real?

Rick, this isn't something that I just ....

I think that you need this.

I think we need this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's not a yes-or-no offer,

and it's not a debate.

Tomorrow morning I'm taking the kids

to my parents' Cape house.

We'll be back next Sunday.

Oh, great. So, what am I supposed to do?

Whatever you want.

As far as I'm concerned,

you have the week off from marriage.

They've just added this porch.

There's also a jogging path

right by the river.

But also, what they've just put in

is a new bike trail--

- Hello.

- Hey. Oh. What are you doing here?

I called the office, they said you

were in the neighborhood. Nice place.

This is my friend Fred. Fred,

say hello to Harold and Marcy Goldberg.

- They're just moving up from Long Island.

- Oh, mazeltov, folks. How are you?

Let me give you a card.

If you need any home, auto, life insurance.

- Kind of the go-to mensch here in town.

- We're okay with insurance.

That's what they all say until they

drop dead. Let me give you one.

I don't think anyone's gonna drop dead.

But thanks, Fred.

If you wanna take another look...

...I'll be waiting right here

to answer any questions.

- Thanks. Yeah.

- Ha, ha.

What are you doing, man?

The mazeltov? Give me a break.

- Sorry. You weren't answering your phone.

- No. I'm working.

I just wanna see what

trouble you got into last night.

- You know what Grace made me do?

- What?

She drove me there to apologize.

Did Maggie give you grief...

...when you got back home?

- Kind of.

- Yeah?

What happened?

She gave me a hall pass.

A what?

It's like a week off from marriage.

Heh, heh. Yeah, right.

- I'm serious.

- F*** you.

It's true.

She's taking the kids and going up to

her parents' beach house till next Sunday.

Wait, I don't get it. What--? Why aren't you

buying ticker tape for the parade?

- I don't know how I feel about it.

- Feel about what?

The hall pass. I don't-- just--

Something doesn't seem quite right.

You think Maggie might have

a brain tumor or something?

No, no. it's like, just because

your wife says it's okay to cheat, is it?

There's a part of me that's like:

"Wow. You must've really pushed her

to get her to this point."

Is that good for a marriage, that she's

willing to try something this insane?

Absolutely. Come on.

Doesn't it ever bother you that all of our

wives' dreams come true and ours don't?

Look at Maggie, all right?

She used to play house.

You bought her a house.

She used to play with a Easy-Bake Oven.

You bought her a Viking.

She wanted to be a mommy,

you made her a mommy.

- GE.

- What GE?

The oven's a GE.

It doesn't matter,

you're not trying to sell.

Look at you, you're not living your dreams.

I don't see you hosting Wheel of Fortune.

Your wife is living her dreams, and now

this woman, this saint of a woman...

...she's giving you the opportunity

to live yours.

Now you watch, this thing's gonna

end up biting Maggie in the ass.

And I gotta admit, I lost a little respect

for Rick for accepting it.

- Well, it wasn't really his choice.

- Mm-hm.

This is really her call, Fred.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point.

- You know what, maybe you're right.

- Huh.

Maybe this is the progressive,

cool thing to do.

Yeah, that's not what I was saying.

I said--

You are not getting a hall pass.

So you can cut the bullshit.

What?

Why would I need a hall pass, huh?

I got you!

Well, not tonight, you don't.

I'm bloated and I have cramps.

Ah, sh*t. I forgot to take out the trash.

Tonight's the night we'll make history

Honey, you and I

'Cause I 'll take any risk

To tie back the hands of time

And stay with you here tonight

I know you feel these are the worst of times

I do believe it's true

But I know

If the world just passed us by

Baby, I know

I wouldn't have the time

No, no

The best of times

Okay, ma'am.

If you say he's yours, you can have him.

Thank you, officer.

- Is he going to jail?

- Thank you so much.

What kind of sick prick

jerks off in his front yard?!

I got a hall pass.

What? How?

Well, it doesn't matter how. I got one.

Can you believe it? I got a hall pass.

When does yours begin?

Uh, 24 minutes ago.

Yeah, she's gonna go join Maggie

up at the Cape.

It's just you and me, buddy,

for the next 6 days. Ha, ha.

You realize how much easier this is,

having a hall-pass partner?

Yeah. Tell me about it.

It's not just me.

it's gonna be Gary, Hog-Head, Flats.

They're all coming out with us.

Are you joking?

Those guys got hall passes?

- No, no, no. They just wanna watch.

- Yeah. Watch what?

Watch us reel in the babes. Ha, ha.

That's good, that's good. You remember

how we dominated in JV basketball?

Yeah, senior year.

But that one game where we had a couple

fans in the stands, we played even better.

- We're a couple of show ponies, aren't we?

- Yeah, we came alive!

We gotta get out of here,

we're burning daylight.

- Let me log out.

- You log out.

- I'm gonna try to bang your receptionist.

- No, no, no! Fred. Fred.

Let's keep the office clean.

Wait till we hit the streets.

Class act.

What is taking this dude so long?

Just be patient. He'll come.

Wait, okay, I see some movement.

- I don't see anything.

- Yeah, upstairs window.

Oh. Here he comes.

- What the hell is he doing?

- Uh-oh.

- Sh*t!

- He's up. He's up.

You okay?

Come on, come on.

Get in here, Rapunzel.

- What the hell took you so long?

- I couldn't find my umbrella.

Why do you need an umbrella?

Apparently there's a forty percent chance

of a light drizzle.

Come on, come on.

Let the mayhem commence.

Hit it.

This place is dead.

Okay, well, the guy at the Comfy Nite Inn

said it doesn't really kick in till about 9:30.

All right.

Why are you guys staying at a hotel?

Well, come on, Flats, I can't very well

bring a bunch of models back to my place.

What if they end up stalking me?

And Rick's house

has got a bunch of family photos...

...and kids' drawings on the fridge,

you know?

It ain't exactly an aphrodisiac for babes.

Doesn't make boners.

Hey, hey, talking of babes,

which one have you got your eyes on?

- Come on, who are you gonna bone first?

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