Hall Pass Page #5

- Uh ....

Hey, hey, hey. What about those two?

Why don't you go bang them?

Or maybe the hostess. Someone

should definitely jump her bones.

Guys, attempt to be cool.

You know, we've got

the whole week, so ....

We'll get there, we'll get there.

Are you guys sure Applebee's is the best

place to meet horny women?

What are you thinking, Olive Garden?

What do you want,

hot p*ssy or breadsticks?

Wait a second, wait. Where's Coakley?

- That's where we should be.

- Yeah. He's in Iceland.

Why? What's he doing there?

What do you think? Iceland has

the most beautiful women in the world.

Yeah. Bjork.

Okay, look. I'm taking the bull

by the horns right now, okay?

You guys want beautiful women, right?

I know a place that got ass on tap!

Okay? And it's not Applebee's.

And it's not Olive Garden.

Let's roll, baby.

- Follow me, fellas, for some ass.

- Good. Okay. I like it.

A man with an plan.

Okay. Where we going?

Chili'S.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Before we go bagging chicks,

I need a hunk of beef inside me.

You're not gonna get a better

hunk of beef than you get here.

That's true. That's true.

Look, we got a long night ahead of us.

Why don't we go fuel up?

Okay, where to now?

- Rick?

- Hmm?

- Answer Flats.

- What's the question?

What the hell are we doing for the rest

of the night?

- We're gonna get laid, right?

- Yeah.

Is that the plan? Yeah.

I gotta go home and poo.

Now?

Why don't you just back one out here?

Ooh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need

a bath afterwards.

Come on, guys! All right, listen,

I say we go to a titty bar, yeah?

Where there's tits, and we look at them,

and we smoke cigars.

- That'll put a bit of lead back in the pencil.

- I got a better idea.

I say we, uh, tie a bow on it

and put her to bed.

It's gonna be a long week.

I think we need to pace ourselves.

What? it's only 9:15.

Mm. No, I'm with Rico. Freddie tie-tie.

Oh, come on!

Guys, guys, relax. This is just the calm

before the storm.

That's right, that's right. Tonight we build

up some strength, and then tomorrow, pfft...

...make landfall.

This resort sure beats the hell

out of the Comfy Nite Inn.

- Why aren't you guys staying here?

- Too pricey.

Besides, if you pay for golf you get full

access to the resort, including the pool bar.

- Oh!

- Not bad, yeah?

Mothers, lock up your daughters.

The dogs are off the leash.

Gentlemen, look what I got here.

What are those?

Oh, just some brownies...

- ...of the pot variety.

- Whoa.

- What?

- We're not on spring break.

- Where'd you get those?

- From the guy who cleans my office.

- Come on, who's in?

- Ehh. Ahh ....

No.

Come on, you squares.

It's not the same as when you smoke it.

When you eat it, it's a much more mellow

buzz. Makes you feel sort of relaxed.

- Are they chocolatey?

- Yeah.

You know what, Rick?

This is spring break.

You guys got a hall pass.

You need to live it up.

Might help your rap with the ladies at

the pool later.

- Ha, ha. Correct.

- You don't even have a hall pass.

So? I can live vicariously

through you guys.

It's not vicarious if you're

actually doing it, Hog-Head.

Get off my back.

I'm just trying to enjoy a pastry here.

Oh, what the hell.

It's not like my game

could get any worse.

- Come on.

- Do it.

- All right, give me one of those things.

- Hee-hee.

It's a bit naughty.

Hurry up!

What kind of soap do you use?

- In the shower?

- Yeah.

Whats the matter with you?

- Dove.

- I like Dove.

I like it, it doesn't dry your skin out

so much.

- Play through!

- Play through.

Feel this.

- That is so soft.

- Yeah.

Golly, that is soft.

Hey, Hog-Head, come here, man.

You gotta feel Rick's skin,

feel how soft it is.

- Ha-ha-ha.

- Hog-Ass, you okay?

What the hell is he doing?

He's got back spasms.

- Not him. Him.

- No, they were delicious.

- Think your mother would give the recipe?

- Gary! What are you doing?

I'm talking to the guy

who cleans my office!

He says we took way too much!

We're only supposed to eat,

like, a quarter of a brownie each!

What?

Look, this is the third time I've had to flag

your group, and you're on the 4th hole.

Now, if I have to come out here again,

you're done.

- Sorry, we're gonna pick it up.

- Ha, ha.

I'll see you, Jorge.

Where was the last place you saw it?

On one of the fairways. I grabbed e club,

took e swing, looked around, gone.

- Vanished?

- Yes.

Dude, where's my golf cart?

- Not funny.

- Fred, knock it off.

Hey, guys, I need to take a poo.

Give us a second here.

I think it's been stolen.

- Who's gonna steal a golf cart?

- Criminals.

- It's probably jacked up on bricks now.

- Gary, you're being paranoid.

- I'll tell you this. I do remember this.

- What's up with this sh*t?

I saw it on the 11th tee.

That's the last I saw it.

- We're on the sixth hole.

- They're cutting.

Did we skip five holes?

Sh*t, where are my kids?

Anybody have any napkins?

Come on, man!

We're getting cut on

by the Joy Luck Club.

Nobody cares about this?

- Is that the marshal?

- Should we say something?

Cops! Run for it! Cutters!

Whoa. Oh ....

- Speed up, speed up!

- I can't! I've got it floored!

Well, cut through the woods!

- Come on!

- Come on! Come on!

- Hurry!

- Hurry!

- Go! Go! Go!

- Come on!

Go, go, go!

Ed. Britney.

Clones.

- Strike!

- Hey, ump! You're missing a hell of a game!

Let's go. Come on, batter up. Let's go.

Little hit. Little hit. Let's go, Gerry.

Go, go, go!

Safe!

I don't know how you can be so calm...

...knowing our husbands are out

chasing tail all over town.

Shh, keep it down.

Relax. Here's how I see it:

Rick and Fred are like a couple of

domesticated cats scratching at the door.

- Ha, ha.

- The first time you let them out...

...they are so paralyzed with fear

they bolt back into the house.

Okay, but we're not talking about

cats here. We are talking about dogs.

Ha, ha. Well, what choice do we have?

I don't know. I mean, why couldn't we

just keep the status quo?

Were things that bad that we have

to do something this extreme?

For me they were.

Remember when we went

to Lucy's award thing?

- Yeah.

- Well, that night Rick and I were gonna...

- ...you know.

- Yeah.

I started wondering, who is he gonna

be thinking about when we're having sex?

Is it gonna be that girl

that he checked out...

...or is it gonna be somebody

he met that day or Missy Frankinopoulos?

Gr some Frankinopoulos monster where he

combines his favorite parts of all of them?

- So when he came into the room ....

- What?

I pretended to be asleep.

You're kidding. You don't--

You've never done that before?

I do that all the time.

- Really?

- Yes.

I think it's our job as women that

between the hours of 10 p.m. and 6 a.m...

...we just fake everything.

- Ha, ha. Well, I don't know. I--

- Hey.

I'm Gerry.

Thanks for coming out to support us.

Yeah. That was so much fun.

- Go Falmouth. Ha, ha.

- Ha, ha.

Thanks.

So we saw you guys sitting up there with

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