Hall Pass Page #7

Let the soul come to the surface.

That's when we're at our most charming.

You say no to me?

You say no to me? No, no, no.

Flip it!

I say no to you!

- Come on, let's go, baby. it's time to go.

- Oh, screw you!

Look, hey,

you think your sh*t don't float?

Let me tell you something. I wouldn't

titty-bang any of you in a snowstorm.

- Come on, please?

- No!

- You had your shot and you blew it!

- Come on.

- Goodbye!

- You are the man tonight.

Oh, hey! Betsy Ross!

You need a pole for that flag?

Aw, what's the matter?

You can't get any bigger, you little b*tch?

Hey, hon, it's me again. Just checking in.

Hope you and the kids are having fun.

And tell them that I'll call them at bedtime.

Okay, miss you guys.

- I actually didn't order any dessert.

- Yeah, I know.

It's on the house. it's from Diana.

- Ohh. Hey, thanks very much.

- No, no, no. I said the young guy.

Hey. Hi. This is for you.

it's from Diana.

- Oh, wow, thanks.

- You're welcome.

Zero matches?

I didn't think that was possible.

No, no, I'm just kind of--

I'm just messing around here.

- Yeah, I know.

- What a bizarre world...

...this internet dating thing is.

Hey, let me ask you something.

ls Grace a big baseball fan?

Grace?

No. No, she hates baseball.

- Really?

- Yeah. Despises it.

I just talked with Maggie's dad

and he was saying...

...that the girls have been going

to some minor league games.

- Well, the kids are probably enjoying it.

- No, that's just it.

It's like the kids are with the grandparents

in Nantucket for a few days.

Our girls been going alone.

What is that?

Just a-- it's a picture.

- That's from high school.

- Yeah, I know. I think it says a lot about me.

I love football and it's--

it's just like a teaser, man. There's like--

I got some more current ones. Look.

- Oh, look at that.

- it's cute.

Never occurred to you that

the wife and three kids...

...might scare off

potential ladies though, huh?

You think I should Photoshop

the baby out?

Yeah. I think you should Photoshop

all of them out. Come on.

Look, I'm trying to be honest here.

I don't want some gal walking away...

...with a broken ticker when she finds out

I'm a one-time carnival ride.

Mm-hm. Let's forget the internet, all right?

You and I gotta start playing

to our strengths. Starting now.

- Good. What are they?

- Let's be honest.

Complete strangers do not like us.

- Agreed.

- But you know who does?

People that know us just a little bit.

Like in a casual surface-y kind of way.

- They dig us.

- They do dig us.

When they don't know us

that well.

- Like who?

- Well, I was thinking about ....

- Oh. Hi, Fred.

- Hey, Missy. Oh, here, I got you this.

- Thanks.

- Mm-hm.

- Stuffed grape leaves?

- Yeah, and some gyros.

Gyros. However the hell you say it.

Heh, heh.

- Frankinopoulos. You're Greek, right?

- My ex-husband is.

Right. Right.

So ....

How are you, Fred?

- Are you okay?

- I don't wanna get into all the details...

...but my wife gave me this one time deal

where I get to be with another woman.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Not bad, right?

Wait a second.

Is that why you're here?

Well, if that's what you're getting at

I'm not gonna say no.

What are you, an a**hole?

Hey, don't go shooting

the messenger now.

You come over here out of the blue

with a bag of garbage.

- You're welcome.

- And you think I'm gonna f*** you...

...because of some bullshit agreement

you had with your wife?

You know what? Screw you, Fred.

What the hell just happened?

Yeah!

Go, go, go!

Yeah!

- Hi.

- Hi. Can I take your order?

I'm not quite sure what I'm gonna get.

Um, hmm.

Hoo. Um ....

So just tell me today

Um, hey, man, do you mind

if she takes my order?

Why?

Well, just .... You know, because ....

Because she's--

She's taken my order before and it's--

I'm thinking she'll remember it,

and it gets a little bit complicated...

...so I'm thinking it could speed up

the process.

You know, if it's not a big deal.

Little help. Leigh?

Your unique barista skills

have been requested.

Oh, hey.

- Hi.

- What can I get you?

Iced coffee, two Splendas.

- That'll be $2.

- Nice tunes, by the way.

You guys choose them yourself

or they come from Corporate?

It's me. it's Snow Patrol.

Oh, yeah. Good soundtrack.

Pretty good movie.

Tell you one thing, Cube Gooding definitely

does not belong in the snow, does he?

You're thinking of Snow Dogs,

the kiddie flick.

This is Snow Patrol, the band.

Thank you for the tip.

Ahem. I was making a joke.

- No, you weren't.

- Yeah, I was.

- You were dead serious.

- It was a joke.

One sec.

Hello?

Here you go.

Enjoy your two-Splenda'd iced coffee,

mister. Hmm?

Why are you smiling?

You think this is some alligator-infested

moat? No one can get over there to you?

You know, this whole kind of

I'm-on-the-inside, too-cool-for-school...

...let's-make-fun-of

the-dorky-suburban-guy..

...because-I'm-safe-on-this-side-of-the

counter routine's gonna get you hurt.

Another thing?

After you've lost your parents' money...

...on your avant-garde piece-of-crap

short film, you're gonna need a job.

Guess what. it's guys like me that hire.

Guys like me don't hire punks like you.

All right?

So shape up. Good day, sir.

I work out there.

Oh, really? Here?

Yeah, I work out at home but thinking

about taking my workouts public.

What do you squat?

Uh, well, I don't really squat. I just run on

the hamster wheel after work every day.

Ha, ha. The old hamster wheel.

Yeah. I'm on that baby too.

So did you, um, go to Harvard?

Yeah. I went to a party there once.

This is actually Harvard Health Care.

Yeah, I had to go in when I got a bunch

of tests done for my life insurance.

For your variable-term life insurance.

When you re-up on your death benefit, it--

Not a big deal. This is-- Ah.

This thing looks pretty good, though.

I like this. "Change your life."

it's a great place.

They've actually got a bar there,

so I always grab a beer after my workout.

- A bar? Ha, ha.

- it's a good routine.

Ha, ha. That sounds good.

If you decide to join, tell them Leigh

sent you and I'll get two free months.

Yeah. Sure thing, Leigh.

Rocking.

R-O-C-K in the U.S.A.

LAUGHS]

Gr whatever they say in Australia.

Oh, I'm sorry. Ch.

Hi. Hello. Hi, Britney.

- Fred.

- Hello.

Hey. And hello to Alli--

- Come here.

- Anyway.

Mr. Searing? You pick up other day.

No more clothes here.

I know. I was just Corning by to let

you guys know what a great job you did.

As always.

Just the perfect amount of starch.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

Ah. I'm gonna head out.

Got a meeting across town in 'IO minutes,

so I should boogie.

- Okay. Mm.

- Very nice seeing you.

Hey, if you get a chance,

please pound Ed's potato for me.

Okay. Uh, goodbye. Mwah.

Oh, don't do that. That's--

Okay. All right. Bye.

Hi.

You want a massage?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You fill out form.

No, no, no. You know,

I'd prefer no paper trail.

Fill out form. It policy.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes