Hall Pass Page #8

You know what? Um, honestly,

I'd prefer not to have anything in print.

- Little man. Scram.

- Ha, ha.

How I know what you want

if you no fill out form?

I'll just say it to you. I'll just tell you.

- So, what you waiting for'?!

- Oh. Hey. Heh, heh.

Not very relaxing so far. Um ....

Okay, um, come here.

Can I get a rub-and-tug

and finish off with a tea bag, please?

Okay. But must check with manager first.

No.

...rub-and-tug... tea bag...

- Um, she misheard. No.

- You must fill out form.

I said, rub, no tug.

And the tea bags were--

You heat those up.

You dip them in water, heat them up,

and put them on pressure--

How do I know more about massage

than you guys know about massage?

- That doesn't make sense.

- You are so busted.

Sorry. Oh, God.

Okay. Sorry.

- Shake it, shake it, shake it

- Like a tambourine

Shake it, shake it, shake it

You the one for me

Shake it, shake it, Mama

You the one for me

I'm realizing you're the only one

That's meant to be

And when I wake up in the morning

All I wanna see

ls the sun and it's shining on you

Next to me

You got a little broken nail

Got a hair out of place

Got a little bit of extra middle

Right around the waist

- Shake it, shake it, shake it

- Like a tambourine

Shake it, shake it, shake it

You the one for me

Leigh?

Hey, girl.

An right!

Hey, Clyde. This is my friend ....

- Rick.

- Rick.

He'd like to join.

Great.

- I'll get you signed right up.

- Okay.

- All right. I'll see you later on.

- Yeah.

Oh, Leigh, are you gonna grab a brew-ski

after your workout?

No.

Gonna grab two.

Meet me down here

in about one hour sharp.

Yeah. Peace it.

Ah.

Help!

I can't feel my legs!

I can't feel my muscles!

Holy sh*t!

- Did you faint, sir?

- No, I just ....

I think I was in the hot tub too long.

I just ....

My body just feels like jelly.

You're gonna be okay.

Just take a couple breaths.

Get me some towels.

No, no. Do me a favor.

Irish, switch places with this guy.

Why?

- Does this mean you're going steady?

- it's not funny.

This poor kid is spending his

hard-earned money on me. it's sad.

I mean, it's cute, but it's really sad.

You should be flattered. You're 38 years old

and you have college guys chasing you.

He thinks I'm 32.

What? Look, I just-- I feel bad if I gave him

the wrong impression, you know?

No, you didn't give him

the wrong impression.

"Dear Grace, our final game is tonight.

Please meet me at my place afterwards

to toast the best summer of my life.

Yours most truly, Gerald Ahem."

Number 11.

Yeah, thanks for piling on.

I mean, I can't accept this.

I'm just gonna have to go

set him straight.

You know what I miss the most?

What?

The arch.

- The arch?

- Yeah.

You know that moment when you're taking

a girl's panties off for the very first time...

...and you don't know

if she's gonna stop you.

Then she gives

that tiny little pelvic arch thrust...

...to help you out,

let you know you're in the clear.

Smooth sailing.

I miss that.

- That's a nice moment.

- Yeah.

We let down the male species,

you know that?

Maybe you were right.

We should just call it quits...

- ...and just ask the girls to come home.

- No!

I want the hall pass, okay?

At first I wasn't sure,

but now I want the dream.

I don't even know

what the dream is anymore.

I'll tell you what it is.

I wanna remember what it feels like

to be with someone...

...who really wants to be with me...

...out of just pure desire...

...not because they have to

out of some sense of duty.

You know, all this arch talk's got me

craving some Mickey D's.

- Up for it?

- Yeah.

Hello?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

All right. See you there.

Who was that?

Ah. That was just an angel from heaven.

Coakley's back in town.

- What?

- Yeah.

He wants to hang and he wants to bang.

Waiting for a sign

if I survive, I'll worship the moon

Or something, anything

Push the defrost button

on the microwave, boys.

The deep freeze is over.

And they talked

And they danced

Coakley.

Mm.

Okay, boys, you're on the clock now.

What?

You gotta hit them right out of the gate.

Half an hour from now you'll be old news.

Oh. Should we go talk

with this girl right here?

Don't waste your time, man.

Why?

Workaholic.

She'll be out of here in five minutes.

- What are you talking about?

- Look at her hand.

Carpal tunnel syndrome.

Even if she stayed,

you wouldn't want her.

You get a hand job from her, you need

the Jaws of Life to get you out of it.

Yeah, there she goes.

Wow. You're good.

Oh, hey. Hey.

- The tall blond, right here. Yeah.

- Hmm.

Forget about it. it's an illusion.

She's surrounded by stootfish.

Stootfish?

When an eight surrounds herself

with less attractive women...

- ...to make her look like a 10.

- What are you talking about? She is a 10.

You make me laugh, Freddie.

Come on, try this.

All right.

- What is it?

- Now block everything out.

- Tell me what you see.

- Wha--?

Uh-huh. Okay, now watch this, man.

Hot.

FRED;

Right.

- Not.

- Oh, my God.

Hot.

Not.

- Holy sh*t!

- Ha-ha-ha.

That's amazing.

You're like A Beautiful Mind.

I can't do well

When I think you're gonna leave me

But I know I try

Are you gonna leave me now?

Can't you be believing now?

Hey, Mr. Mills.

Hey! Paige!

I thought you were down at the Cape.

Your in-laws took the kids for the weekend,

so I came home early.

- Okay.

- I turned 21 today.

I'm legal now.

- Oh, happy birthday.

- Thanks.

Yeah. You out celebrating?

Yeah, my cousin got me

and my aunt on the VIP list.

That's my Aunt Meg over there.

She's 45 years old and she still parties

like she's my age.

- Whoo!

- Wow.

So, Rick, how's the week off

from marriage going?

You don't mind if I call you Rick?

I am officially an adult now.

No, sure. But what did you just say?

I was asking you about that hall-pass thing.

I babysat for the Putneys last night.

I heard Mr. Putney talking about it.

Gary was talk--

Who was he talking about it to?

- Just everyone at the barbecue.

- What?

Oh, I don't think he meant it

in a bad way.

I actually think it's cool of you to be

staying at the Comfy Nite Inn...

...instead of bringing girls back to your

home with the kids' pictures all taped up.

Thank you.

- What can I get you?

- Can I get three tequila shots, please?

By the way, I think that I owe you

an apology.

Last week when you drove me home,

I shouldn't have snapped at you like that.

No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous.

It was just a misunderstanding.

No, it wasn't.

If you thought that I was

kind of coming on to you...

...it's probably because I kind of was.

- Fifty-seven bucks.

- What? Are you kidding me? That--

That seems a little stiff.

They're just kids in here.

I don't see how they afford these prices.

- Paige, I better get going.

- What? Where are you going?

Paige, you're my kids' babysitter.

Have a happy birthday.

But my Aunt Meg wants to meet you.

- All right.

- Yeah! Getting wasted.

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