Halloweed Page #9

Well we got room in the

back for one more.

Alright, let's do it.

Alright.

What's the problem here?

[mumbling]

Nothing.

Well you know you gotta get the

cart off the side of the road.

It's the law.

-Is it?

-Mhm.

We're gonna have to take a

look inside your cart to

ensure our safety.

As well as

yours, of course.

That is such bullshit,

man, but it still works.

Are you some

kind of freak?

Ugh, white people.

Yeah, stocking up on toys.

I'm playing Santa at

the mall this year.

Well sir, I'm gonna have to

ask you to spread your legs.

Oh...

If you insist.

Mhm, aren't you

spreading ready, huh?

Okay.

[groaning]

-His ass like that.

-A little to the left.

Oh! Ah!

Don't hurt him, Sheila.

Don't hurt him.

[suspenseful music]

d

Shh! Shh!

-Who the hell is that?

-I don't know.

Joey, what the

f*** are you doing?

No, I'm rescuing my

brother and best friend

and his smoking

hot girlfriend.

Meow!

Oh, nice work, Trent.

I know. Take the compliment.

Come on, get out of here.

Go, go, go. Just go

this way. Go this way.

-Trey.

-Go, go, go, go!

Come on, buddy.

How are we going to

get these cuffs off?

Don't worry. Quincy knows how

to shoot them off. Come on.

Hey, man, I'm really

sorry about before.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I still love you, baby.

We gotta get back over

there so I can confront

Connor with this evidence.

Where the hell

are we going?

Mayor's office.

I think Connor's

still with him.

Welcome.

Welcome.

There's not one brain

cell among these idiots.

Not show up to my party?

Oh!

You will pay for that.

Oh, but who's gonna

be good to daddy now?

[knocking]

That's nice, thank you.

Wait a minute, why

aren't you in jail?

-Where is he?

-Who?

He has gorgeous eyes,

great physique, most

likely well-endowed.

Connor, where is he?

He's sick and he

needs to be stopped.

He is in his own

office working hard.

Let's go.

You stay here. It could

get really dangerous.

I gotta stop taking

so many bong hits.

[organ music]

d

There he is!

Connor, freeze.

I see the local police

are not doing their job.

You're done killing

people, man.

What are you

babbling about?

Why'd you kill all those

people, hot stuff, huh?

Wait, you think I killed

all those people?

Thank you.

Okay, Hardy boys, uh...

Found it at Gary's place

after you pulled a Michael

Myers on him.

Halloween, a real

horror movie finally.

You know, you really should

stop chewing toothpicks.

It's a bad habit and it's

gonna ruin that perfect smile.

Yeah, I know. It's a bad habit

I picked up from my dad.

-Oh!

-Oh sh*t.

F***!

Yeah, that's right.

Uh huh.

Yeah, Mayor Price,

Mooseheart.

Yeah, these

guys get here...

No, no, no, no.

Five.

I will see you soon.

I better.

Okay, swat team is on

their way here, Madison.

Oh, come on,

you poor thing.

Relax, look.

Look, Madison, relax.

Please, come

here, come here.

I take care of problems like

this every day so you know what

were gonna do? We're gonna

relax a little, okay?

-Okay.

-Loosen up, just loosen up.

Let's... wow.

What do you say

we breathe, huh?

Let's breathe in.

Yeah, get that

chest out there.

Oh, boy.

Now breathe out.

Oh yeah, nice.

Breathe in again.

I certainly know why

Connor likes you.

Oh boy, you're

caring, you're smart.

Ooh, you have smooth

skin like Britney.

You know, I think I

got something to do.

You're not going anywhere.

I knew it was you.

Ooh! Whoa!

You're gonna take me on?

I know krav maga, b*tch.

Oh, god, this is funny.

Oh, you're so scary.

Oh, please don't hurt me.

Don't hurt the

mayor, please.

What do you got?

[laughs]

Well bring it, that was

nothing. I laughed at that.

-Oh, you laughed?

-I laughed at that.

[laughs]

How you like that

sh*t, Kentucky?

You only get one more.

Yeah!

Trick or treat!

Ow!

What, what are you doing?

What the f*** is that?

Are you decorating me?

Oh, you want this?

-Come on.

-You're Colonel Sanders.

Bring it in, bring it in.

[thud]

I bet they didn't teach

you that in krav maga.

That was certainly

unpleasant.

Why are you people

so much trouble?

Can't you just do what

you're supposed to do?

Because you, young lady,

you were supposed to be

Connor's trophy wife.

Mhm.

He needs that.

But you can't do that so

that means that I have

no use for you.

And you see, when people

get in the way, people die.

[grunting]

[dramatic music]

d

-Wake up!

-Dad!

[groans]

Are you kidding me?

I was just gonna...

Oh!

Oh, that hurts.

-Oh, that, that hurts!

-I'm so sorry.

Madison. Madison.

[groaning]

It's the kidney,

it's the kidney.

No, no, I know

because of the urine.

It's the worse than the rectal

I got from the elephant man.

Oh, this is bad.

Oh, no, no, things

are going black.

-Things are going black.

-Oh, dad, dad, dad.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Why did you do this?

You were gonna

stab that d*ckhead.

I thought the gays were

supposed to be peaceful.

Wait a minute, you know?

Oh, please, of

course I know.

I was hoping that Madison

could turn you, but well,

she's just not hot enough.

No, she's not.

-You're totally hot.

-Duh.

Why did you kill

all those people?

I mean, what was he guilty of

besides wearing bad sweaters?

No, he was gonna go to the

media and let the people

know that I was

blackmailing him.

I couldn't let

that happen.

Especially during

a campaign season.

And what about Pilmington?

He was running

against me for mayor.

Hello!

Well what about Patch?

He who has the weed...

Has the power!

I know, save your breath.

You're dying, mayor.

What about that

poor Britney girl?

Seriously, you want me

to explain that to you?

No, no, no, no.

We get that one.

But dad, we're Prices.

We don't need to murder

people to get what we want.

Son, I did it

for Mooseheart.

Okay?

This town it thrives

on murder mysteries.

Okay? It's already

boosted the economy.

Wait, are you the

candy corn killer?

Are you the candy

corn killer?

Which by the way, before I die,

I'd like to cop a feel.

No, I am not, but I did

drop some candy corn just

to create some buzz.

-Connor, come here.

-Dad, I'm here, I'm here.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, dad.

I don't believe your

sorry, but I want you to

know that I am sorry for

trying to make you into

someone who you weren't.

It's alright, dad.

It's alright.

I'm guessing this is the end

of my reelection campaign.

It is definitely.

Connor!

Yes, dad.

Where are you?

I'm here.

Connor, here, here.

This is very important.

Don't let the people

know that I did it.

But dad, you slaughtered

like three people.

I think... Yeah, it's

too late for that.

No, no, it would

ruin the town.

No, no, a political

scandal is the last thing

No, just tell them that

their wonderful mayor, he

was one of the

killer's victims.

And that will legitimize

the town is truly scary

and haunted...

And unsafe.

Dangerous.

Oh, sorry, I was

snapchatting this.

Are we doing a bit?

Uh, this town is...

Too late. Mayor's dead.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes