Hands Across the Table Page #4

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Where'd she put that?

Where did she put that?

Regi, what'd you do

with that gun?

Uh, excuse me. I gotta go.

I got an appointment. Good-bye.

It would be pretty

if he called a policeman.

He won't. He's too scared.

If I'd known he brought mints,

I'd have taken a crack at him.

What did you mean a while ago,

you didn't have railroad fare?

Railroad fare?

I haven't even got bus fare.

I spent it all last night.

Will you have a mint?

No, thanks.

You are Ted Drew,

aren't you?

Yeah, I'm Ted Drew. Why?

If you're Ted Drew,

why are you pressing

your pants?

I slept in them

and they're wrinkled.

And I missed my boat.

Your boat?

Mm-hmm. All my clothes

are on their way to Bermuda

for a nice vacation.

They have other boats.

Why don't you get some more

money and take one?

Why do you persist in saying

I can get money? I have no money.

Ohh!

Do you want some help?

No. What do you mean,

you haven't money?

It's amazing

how people differ.

No matter how hard I try to

convince my tailor I have money,

he says I haven't.

And no matter how hard I try

to convince you I haven't,

you say I have.

If only you were my tailor,

how simple life would be.

Can you sew?

No. What about

your father?

He can't sew either.

Father's living abroad.

He has an amazing ability...

for borrowing money from

practically total strangers.

Unfortunately,

that ability isn't hereditary.

How could the Drews be broke?

Do you remember that thing

called the "crash"?

Yes.

Well, that was us.

Then how did you get

your ticket to Bermuda?

Engagement present

from my fiance's father.

He didn't want me around the house while

they were getting it ready for the wedding.

It wouldn't look right.

Were you living

at the house?

Sure.

Well, pardon me if I seem

to ask a personal question,

but have you ever thought

of going to work?

Work? Certainly not.

What am I trained to work at?

I can't even press

a pair of pants.

Nope, the only job for me

is to marry somebody with money.

Why, you-

Did I say something?

No, I just found

something out.

What?

We're exactly alike.

Oh, no, your hair is much prettier.

We're both trying

to marry for money.

Is that what you want to do?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, you're too nice for that.

Well, I don't want

to spend the rest of my life

working in a barbershop.

Yeah, but to deliberately

marry somebody for money,

that's no good.

Well, what are you doing?

Well, it's different for me.

I'm a heel.

Well, did I ever say

I wasn't one?

Oh. Oh, both members

of the same club, huh?

Well, how do you do?

And now, what

are your plans?

Well, the first thing

I'm gonna do is stop eating

these chocolate-covered mothballs.

And the second,

I'm gonna make you a proposition.

What?

How would you like

to take in a boarder?

I mean,just till my boat

gets back from Bermuda.

- Oh, I couldn't do that.

- Why not?

You got me into this trouble.

It's only fair that you help me get out.

Turn around.

Well, I'm not

that unconventional.

Oh, don't be old-fashioned.

What are conventions anyway?

Just a bunch of salesmen

sitting around telling stories.

It wouldn't look right.

I'm practically married.

I'll be no trouble.

I'll mind the baby.

I'll put out the cat.

No, on second thought,

you'd better put out the cat.

You can turn around now.

Be a good sport and help a fellow out.

I really can't go back

to old man Snowden's.

He don't like people

who miss boats.

Well, I-

What's that?

Some more mints?

Why don't you have somebody call on you

with a chicken sandwich?

I don't know who it is.

Oh, hello.

Hello.

Hello.

We just, uh- Oh.

Oh, Ted, this is

Nona and Pinky Kelly.

Theodore Drew.

How do you do?

Hello.

Hello.

We thought you might want

to go to a picture show.

There's a swell one

at the Band Box Theater.

A horse picture.

Yeah?

Well, isn't that funny?

I was just saying to Regi,

how about getting Nona and Pinky

and running down to see a movie.

Wasn't I, dear?

Come on, dear, put on your hat.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

You couldn't be saying that.

You don't know us. Or do you?

Oh, don't mind him.

Say, Pinky, old boy,

how about stopping

for a bite to eat?

Certainly.

Well, all right.

But just this once.

Next time it's my treat.

Come on, dear.

Well, well-

Well-

Come on, come on!

How do you know

he's there?

Because he's supposed to be in Bermuda.

I'll answer it, Whitey.

Never mind.

Hello, please?

Hello? Isn't this

University 42259?

Uh, yes, but Miss Regi are

not being at home, please.

Coming again, please?

Oh, this is Miss Regi's Japanese boy.

Well, isn't that just dandy?

And when did Miss Allen

get a Japanese boy?

Uh, she winning him

last evening in

a very fine crap game.

He said

I won him yesterday

in a crap game.

Well, Togo, how

are you getting along

with your lunch?

Oh, lunch advancing

very rapidly, please.

Say, how long did you say

to boil those lamb chops? They've been in

a half hour and haven't stiffened up yet.

I didn't say "boil."

I said "broil"!

Oh, is that what you said?

I thought th-that

it was something I did.

No, I'm not having eggplant.

I couldn't get it open.

You'll have to come home

and show me where the zipper is.

Okay, I-I'll see you later.

You come here, please.

Give me my umbrella

so I no get wet.

Now, now. Now, now.

Here I am. Come. Come.

Hey, Regi!

Come on. Run!

Oh-

You can't say I don't

think of you every minute.

I've been sitting here for

two hours reserving this cab.

Have you?

I'll say you have.

Aren't you going to say

it was nice of me?

It was lovely of you.

But taking taxis when you haven't

any money is a little foolish.

Foolish? I couldn't

come out in this pouring rain

and get my only suit all wet.

Where's your overcoat?

Oh, spending a little time

in the pawnshop.

Well, why did ya

pawn your overcoat?

Well, to pay for the taxi,

of course. Dope.

What's all this?

Food.

Well, why did you

get so much for?

You know, there's only

two of us. We could've

cooked some eggs at home.

That's all well enough for you

down in your cool barbershop,

but I've been slaving

over a hot stove all day.

I'd like a meal

I don't have to cook for a change.

Those lamb chops weren't so hot.

Want some?

Shall I answer that?

No, thanks. I'll go.

Miss Allen?

Yes.

Flowers for you.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh!

Ah, spring has come

to 120th Street.

- Oh, they're from Allen.

- Who's he?

He's my best friend.

Oh.

Oh, they're lovely.

What are they,

geraniums?

They're daffodils.

He says they make him think of me.

I always thought

your big idea was the man

you'd remind of orchids.

At least I don't remind

people of pineapples.

Ouch.

You had that coming to you.

Your best friend,

uh, is he rich?

Sure.

Well, that's fine.

Fits right in with

your plans, doesn't it?

I haven't any plans.

But your plans

about marrying for money

haven't changed, have they?

Certainly not.

Have yours?

No. Once a heel,

always a heel.

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