Handsome: A Netflix Mystery Movie Page #6

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I have the same exact dream.

- You do?

- Yeah. Exactly the same.

I dream about the open land,

the green, the trees, the dogs.

Specifically, this dog.

And, uh, not being a dog masseuse.

That's not something I'm interested in.

It's not for everybody.

But, um, you know,

I love all that.

And one thing that I don't have,

that you have, is just the family aspect.

I... I dream of having a family. Yeah.

Hmm.

Isn't it so weird

how you can miss something

that you never had?

It is.

You want some tea?

Hmm?

What do you think about a shaved p*ssy?

What?

Hmm.

Yeah. I'm getting up.

Huh.

Then she mumbled,

"What do you think about a shaved p*ssy?"

I mean, who says something like that?

Was she casually checking out my opinion?

Was she taking a poll?

Was she gauging my interest?

What is that?

Hey, look, I mean, it could've just been

a point of personal curiosity,

like, "What do you think

of this shade of lipstick?" type of thing.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Yeah. Speaking of which,

I have a very slightly achy vagina today.

I'm so sorry.

Eh, I'm walking a little funny.

I mean, look, it's only slightly.

Mr. Vanderwheel!

- You're a difficult man to get ahold of.

- His girth is nuts.

Hey.

Uh, heard from Sky that you were out here,

uh, hooking up another event,

and so, uh, I just got

a few more questions for you.

That's no problem.

Tell me about the, uh, Lalalime party.

Did I ever tell you? Uh, you know,

I f***ed the founder of Lalalime once.

I got a free pair of pants out of it,

so...

- Very helpful.

- Yeah.

Yeah, right, yeah,

we did the show for that party, yeah.

And did you, uh, bring Heather?

Actually, yeah, I did.

When she found out

it was, uh, a celebrity-packed thing,

she begged to come.

Said that I could back off

on buying her expensive finery

in exchange for me bringing her

as my assistant.

Sorry, back up. "Finery"?

What's that?

I don't know.

But she talked about it all the time.

It's luxury clothing for the modern woman.

Okay. What the f***?

So I know. Shoot me.

Hey, look, was she, uh, talking

to any particular people at this party?

Anything we should know?

I mean, she definitely was

making the rounds,

but I was so busy overseeing

the Dragon D*cks, I couldn't...

Oh, it's, uh... It's an industry nickname

for grounded fountains.

Uh, anyway, I couldn't, like,

keep an eye on her nonstop.

- There were, uh, gift bags there, correct?

- Yeah.

- From, uh, the Silky Lamb?

- What?

- Did you get one?

- Oh, no, no, no, no. No.

Those... those bags weren't for us.

Those were closely guarded.

Apparently, in these bags,

there was a lotion and a cream

that was worth 1,000 bucks.

- You say a lotion and a cream?

- Yeah.

A thousand bucks.

Can you believe that?

Lotion and a cream?

Heather tried to take a bag.

They made her give it back.

Said it was only for famous people.

- Are we good?

- We're good.

- Got all we need. Thank you.

- All right.

Thank you.

Oh, hey, uh,

so listen, I was just thinking, uh...

I think I'm gonna hang back for a second,

get more details on the party.

Nothing you need to concern yourself with,

I just wanna make sure we cover our bases.

Where is this, uh, gonna take place?

I don't see any space for that.

Oh, yeah. Well, you wouldn't, right?

So...

Handsome.

Ingredient analysis on the girl's cream

came back from the lab.

It matches a rarified brand.

Fancy-pants.

Silky Lamb?

- That's it!

- Of course it is.

- Lil' dab'll do ya.

- Indeed, Lester.

A lil' dab'll do ya. Have a good day.

Oh, my f***ing back!

Ow.

My back. Ow.

F***. F***. F***.

Yeah. I'll get you some water.

Oh, is that good!

Look at how delicious this water is!

You're gonna love it.

All right. Mmm, diggity.

All right. There you go.

This'll make you feel better. All right.

Let's get some... air for you.

Ah, there we go.

Feel better? Feels nice, right?

What we got going on?

Detective, well!

Come to check on my well-being?

Now that's service.

Yeah. I'm in the service industry.

I'm sorry, did I interrupt your swim?

Oh, no, it's fine, it's fine.

You know, there comes a point

at which one can be too fit.

I've gotta watch myself sometimes.

Yeah, as, uh, an actor,

your body is your instrument.

That's so true.

You know, when I'm performing,

I'm never just delivering a line. I'm...

vibrating.

No wonder the ladies love you so much.

My vibrating isn't something

to joke about.

Right, right.

So I just came by to make sure

that all your windows and doors are secure

and nothing could happen, you know...

Well, this is a bit, uh...

Oh, good. All right.

Yeah. Yeah. That is solid as a rock.

You are good to go.

Do you have any other doors like this

in your house?

- Why, yes! Off the balcony in my bedroom.

- Mmm.

By the way, there's no ice in there.

That's wonderful. After you.

Yeah, you wouldn't want anyone coming

in here while you're sleeping,

being vulnerable.

Oh, God, no.

My emotional vulnerability is already

at such peak level.

To think I'd also

be physically vulnerable?

Yeah. Well, you know what?

All tight. All good.

Yeah.

Well, looky-looky! How about that?

Got the Silky Lamb.

How about that?

You know, I hear great things

about the companion lotion.

Do you have that, too?

Well, the lotion I gave to a friend.

The crme is the superior product.

- The crme?

- Crme.

Tell me about the crme.

Do you see how well-moisturized I appear,

even though I just got out of the pool?

You're a very shiny individual.

I applied just a dime-sized dollop

of Silky Lamb

when I got out of bed this morning.

That's it.

No.

Yes. It's totally water-resistant.

F***ing genius! I swear by it.

A lil' dab'll do ya.

Huh?

Well, this takes over the room.

Look at that.

Oh, yes. That was a gift I received,

when I wrapped the film

Atlas Shrugged Again.

Yeah, I don't normally do

light romantic comedies,

but I felt I wanted to give back

to some of my, well, simpler fans.

Yeah, that movie.

Huh, can't all be winners.

Um, what?

Oh, please!

That movie was a piece of crap.

But, come on, that happens.

Oh, that reminds me.

Remember the last time we saw each other,

we talked about, uh,

your movie Patty-Cake?

You know, the movie you watched

the night that that monster dropped

that body off on your front lawn.

Yes, that was a terrifying evening.

I shall never forget it.

Well, I watched it because

you got me intrigued by your performance.

- And?

- Well...

Well, what?

You were a kid.

What did you know?

Well, I'm sorry.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, come on. Those line readings?

Bit histrionic, don't you think?

Heavy-handed.

It's as if you were attempting to act,

as opposed to just acting.

How f***ing dare you.

I was luminous!

I f***ing killed it.

Those scenes hold up,

you f***ing half-wit!

You've got quite a temper.

I betcha Heather Dromgoole

brought out your dark side

when she made fun of your performance

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