Handsome Devil Page #2

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if there's another room

you could sleep in?

But what's wrong with the

room that you already have?

My roommate.

As a new boy, it

can be, it can be...

It can be what?

It's just, you can be.

Go back to your room Conor.

Good man.

The Berlin wall

was built overnight.

The world woke up

the morning after

and there it was.

Now, I'm no communist

but there's a lot

to be said for

acting decisively.

Did you know lizards

can regrow their tails?

That's how it was in our

school with English teacher.

One dies, another

grows in it's place.

No big deal.

Darren Finnigan.

Did you make that absurd noise?

Age 16, birthday June,

shoe size eight and a half,

fan of formula one car

racing, allergic to milk

and therefore all dairy, surely.

Father, management consultant,

mother stay at home mom,

bed wetter, I'd imagine,

and a coward for sure.

Congratulations Mr. Finnigan,

you are today's winner

of the witless tool

competition, be gone.

Anyone else?

No?

Good.

How did I look at that

stuff about Darren?

I read it.

And I read about each and

every one of you similarly.

There is no limit to what

you can learn from reading.

And with that in mind, I'm

assigning you an essay,

the essay is due on Friday

and the title of the

essay is a family member.

And before you consider how dull

and how asinine the

title of that essay is,

let me tell you that I'm aware

how dull and asinine it is

and I want to own the dullness.

Reveal to me who you are.

If you dare.

In the meantime, we're going

to be reading lord of the flies

by Golding, a cautionary

tale about giving power

to an impressionable mass of

fragrant and unkempt urchins.

Not that that's every

gonna happen in my class.

Okay, books open

please, page one.

The boy with fair hair

lowered himself down

the last few feet of

the rock and began

to pick his way

toward the lagoon.

Though he'd taken

off of school sweater

and trailed it

now from one hand,

his gray shirt stuck to him.

Go away, thank you.

Woah.

Sorry, sir, I thought

you were a pupil.

No.

What's with the Berlin wall?

It's a matter of necessity.

Right, who's your roommate?

Oh honestly, I don't know.

Right well I've

got a delivery for.

No way you can make

him feel welcome, no?

Yeah, see, he's

a rugby player so,

believe me, my friendship

would be a hindrance.

That's quite a persecution

complex you got going on there.

Thank you.

You gonna let

me hear something?

Well, I can't play

and even if I could,

I don't think I'd play

anything that you'd like.

Just play something.

Okay, so that's d.

That's d.

Is d your only...

d is my only chord, yeah.

I see, okay well,

lift the finger up to

that one, higher there.

Yep, now play.

Now you know another chord.

See you.

Sir, I'm really really

sorry, I know I'm late,

it's just, I couldn't

find my boots,

I thought I put them in my bag

and I thought my bag was in

my classroom but I left...

Conor, relax.

You're new, it happens.

The lads are running drills

out there, get ready,

I'll go out with you.

Get you introduced.

Once you cross that

white line, Conor,

I want you to concentrate

on just one thing.

Express yourself.

Good to go?

Yeah.

After you.

Everyone, this is Conor.

Conor won the junior cup

at st Barts last year kicking

19 points in the final, huh?

I asked him up with

the seniors so he sees

what we're made of, give

him something to aspire to.

Also, give Wallace a

bit of competition.

You've met our captain Victor,

apart from him, far too

many names to remember

but I'll give you the gist.

Key Chafrey, prop.

Tom Quillin, current

place kicker.

We get our speed

from this fellow.

Scrum half one, two.

Chief wrecking ball.

Okay, line out, first

against seconds,

Conor, play a 10 for the first.

Wallace, where's Wally?

I'm here.

Defend it.

Don't worry about

it, I got you.

You're an animal.

Monster.

Wallace, come back in for Conor.

Conor, take a break.

Take a break.

We've only just begun.

Okay, reset!

Is it broken?

Of course it's f***ing broken.

Well done lads,

yeah good play.

Don't worry about that weasel.

You never were a looker.

Anyone see Conor masters?

He never came in.

Tell me who you are.

I set an essay title for you

because I wanted to

find out about you

and there were some

excellent essays

but there was one that

stood out above all.

Ned wrote.

Do you wanna get up here and

read it in front of the class?

I'm actually okay, thanks.

I mean, thank you but

I'd just prefer not to.

I appreciate that.

But I think you should.

The next person to make

a single solitary sound

of any sort is in

hideous trouble.

Go ahead, Ned.

A family member.

I have this cousin

who's name's Kevin

and I'm pretty sure he's

destined for heaven.

He's always spotlessly dressed,

clean and neat and

totally smooth.

He likes to wear this

fur-lined sheepskin jacket.

Keep going, please.

Kevin, start the same.

My perfect cousin.

He doesn't, he's his

father's pride and joy.

His brother's little gone boy.

He thinks I'm bit of a coward

cause I universally...

stop, stop, stop.

Sit down.

Listen to you, the baying crowd.

Behaving like sheep.

Why do you assume that

this lesson isn't for you?

Never, ever, ever

use a borrowed voice.

You're all individual.

Stop, stop!

You spend your whole

life being someone else,

who's gonna be you?

Get out.

Turn it down?

No, not that.

Today, that was pretty cool.

I like the song.

Could you go straight

to hell please?

I liked it a lot.

Why do you like

so much old stuff?

Well because modern

life is rubbish.

I hear that.

So I saw weasel's face.

How'd you know I did that?

Word gets around, even to me.

Can I ask you a question?

It's personal.

Are you gay?

Don't worry Conor, I'm not gonna

bum you in the night or any...

no, sorry, I'm sorry...

was that it?

That was your question, was it?

It's not really the

music, it's more the story.

How someone can write

about themselves like that,

about their family,

it's mad isn't it?

Well yeah, the

madder, the better.

So you're not just

taking the piss?

I like the song.

Well follow me then.

Didn't know this was here.

Found these last year.

Vinyl.

Look at those faces,

what were they thinking?

Well, none of them

ever cared about

the stuff that matters

here, that's for sure.

And I can't wait

to get out of here.

What are you gonna be?

I am basically unemployable.

But I'll be free.

My dad and I used to

sail that before he,

before he became

interested in other things.

I remember sitting at

the front of the boat,

that felt free, like flying.

You still got the boat?

It's still there, I

think, rusting away.

So what's it like to

punch someone in the face?

Woah, show me that, how

do you know a chord?

I can like music, you

know, we're not all the same.

So you on his sh*t list?

I think you've been

taken off that list.

I never knew I'd been

lonely until I found a friend.

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