Handsome Harry Page #3

I DON'T TALK

ABOUT MY F***ING PLUMBING,

AND YOU DON'T TALK

ABOUT F***ING KAGAN.

HOW'S THAT?

ALL RIGHT?

HUH?

COME ON, PUT IT HERE.

PUT IT HERE.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT, MY MAN.

- YOU CHICKEN SH*T.

YOU F*** HEAD.

- HEY, DINNER'S READY.

- ALL RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF JUDY, HUH?

- YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN.

- YEAH, SHE'S LEAVING ME.

F***.

I GOT SOME NEW:

REAL FINE WINE INSIDE.

YOU COME WITH ME.

clink!

- MM.

- MM.

- OH, THAT'S NICE, PETE.

- DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN,

HARRY?

- I DO.

I HAVE A SON.

HE LIVES IN CHICAGO,

WORKS IN A BANK.

HE'S MARRIED.

NO KIDS.

AND HE'S ANGRY WITH ME

RIGHT NOW, I EXPECT.

OH, I'M SURE

HE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, DID YOU KNOW

THAT PETER HAS A SON?

- YEAH, UH...

HARRY:

WAS GONNA BE A PRIEST, YOU KNOW.

- OH, MAN.

- A CATHOLIC PRIEST?

HOW INTERESTING.

- YEAH, WE'D PULL INTO PORT,

AND WE'D GO OUT WHORING

ALL NIGHT.

AND THE NEXT MORNING,

HARRY WOULD BE RIGHT THERE

GOING TO MASS.

EVERY DAY.

UNBELIEVABLE.

- WHAT MADE YOU

CHANGE YOUR MIND?

- JUST LOST THE NEED TO.

- JUST LIKE THAT?

- NAH, IT WAS A LOT OF THINGS.

- WELL, WHAT THING?

OH, HARRY.

OH, COME ON.

- OKAY.

OKAY.

WE HAD THIS CATHOLIC CHAPLAIN

ABOARD SHIP.

AND I MADE AN APPOINTMEN TO SEE HIM,

TALK TO HIM ABOUT THESE

STRONG FEELINGS I'D BEEN HAVING.

I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR

TO HIS STATEROOM,

HE JUST SAYS COME IN.

SO I DID, AND THERE HE WAS,

SITTING IN FRONT OF HIS MIRROR

WITH HIS BACK TO ME,

BRUSHING HIS HAIR.

NEVER TURNED AROUND.

JUST SAID, "YEAH?"

AND I WAS A LITTLE PUT OFF

BECAUSE HE CARED

MORE ABOUT HIS HAIR

THAN HE DID ABOUT ME.

- I SAID, "FATHER,

I'M THINKING ABOU BECOMING A PRIEST."

AND HE TURNS AROUND TO ME,

NO SMILE, NO WARMTH.

I COULD SEE I IRRITATED HIM.

HE LOOKS AT THE INSIGNIA

ON MY ARM.

"ELECTRICIAN'S MATE?"

HE SAYS TO ME,

LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF

F***ING TERMITE--EXCUSE ME.

I SAID, "JESUS WAS A CARPENTER."

AND HE GOES,

"I GOT A MEETING

WITH THE CAPTAIN."

AND HE TAKES OFF.

PTEW!

- THAT'S A TERRIBLE STORY.

- EH.

- GOD,

IT'S A F***ING AWFUL STORY.

- I GUESS THAT WAS

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

OF ME AND THE PRIESTHOOD.

HE REALLY PISSED ME OFF.

AND I...GUESS I LOST SOMETHING.

BUT OF COURSE, YOUR HUSBAND

WASN'T A BIT SYMPATHETIC.

- NOT SYMPATHETIC.

- OH, REALLY.

- NOPE, NOT ME.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW,

I THINK HARRY SWEENEY HERE

WANTS ME TO GO WITH HIM

TO SEE OUR GAY NAVY BUDDY.

- I NEVER SAID THAT.

- THAT'S THE ONLY REASON

YOU CAME HERE, RIGHT?

- KAGAN WAS YOUR FRIEND TOO,

PAL.

- BEFORE I...

FOUND OUT HE WAS A SH*T-PACKER.

PETER DOESN'T LIKE HOMOSEXUALS.

OH, DID YOU KNOW

THAT HIS SON IS GAY?

- STOP.

I TOLD YOU, DON'T GO THERE.

YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM

IN MY HOUSE.

- YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA TALK ABOU WHOMEVER I PLEASE.

- YOU LISTEN TO F***--

I TOLD YOU NOT TO F***ING--

- WHEN HE FOUND OU THAT HIS SON WAS GAY--

- IN MY HOUSE.

- GET AWAY!

- TAKE IT EASY!

TAKE IT EASY.

- GET AWAY FROM ME!

- YOU'RE JUST A WHORE.

- SIT DOWN.

- HEY! YOU STAY OUT OF IT.

YOU F***ER.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

HE IS MORE OF A MAN

THAN YOU ARE.

- YOU B*TCH.

- TAKE IT EASY, RHEEMS.

- WHORE.

- SIT DOWN.

- GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE.

- YOU DON'T WANT I TO END LIKE THIS.

- YOU GET THE F*** OUT,

AND YOU TAKE THAT F***ING WHORE

WITH YOU.

GO ON.

F***.

- COULD YOU DROP ME OFF

AT THE BUS STATION?

- SURE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- I HAVE A DAUGHTER IN BOSTON.

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER DONE

ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE...

IN THE BEDROOM.

I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME.

- IT WAS EXCITING.

- OH, GOD.

thunk!

- SHH.

DO YOU SING?

WHY?

- I DON'T KNOW.

I FEEL LIKE:

I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE.

WELL, YOU KNOW, BEFORE TONIGHT.

- WELL, I DO SING.

- A CAPELLA?

WAS IT THE EASTERN

QUARTER FINALS TWO YEARS AGO?

- THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.

I WAS A PAR OF AN ALL-WOMEN'S OCTET.

WE CAME IN SECOND.

- WOW.

WE CAME IN SIXTH.

- MM.

- OUT OF SIX.

- NO, YOU WERE GOOD.

I REMEMBER.

I DO.

SING TO ME.

- I ONLY DO

ONE PERFORMANCE A NIGHT.

- NO, NO, NO, COME ON.

SING TO ME, PLEASE.

- SHOW ME HOW.

- ALL RIGHT.

MM-HMM.

LET'S SEE.

OKAY.

AFTER YOU'VE GONE

AND LEFT ME CRYIN'

AFTER YOU'VE GONE

THERE'S NO DENYIN'

YOU'LL FEEL BLUE

YOU'LL FEEL SAD

YOU'LL MISS THE BESTEST PAL

YOU'VE EVER HAD

COME ON, JOIN ME.

- AFTER THE YEARS

both:
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER

- THE JOY AND THE TEARS

both:
ALL KINDS OF WEATHER

OH, BABY

THINK WHAT YOU'RE DOING

YOU KNOW MY LOVE FOR YOU

WILL DRIVE ME TO RUIN

AFTER I'VE GONE

AFTER I'VE GONE AWAY

- DA-DA DA-DA, DA-DA

- BEE-BEE-BOP-BA-DU

ONE MORE TIME:

AFTER I'VE GONE

both:
AFTER I'VE GONE AWAY

- CHEE-CHA!

THAT WAS GREAT.

- THANK YOU.

UH...

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- HARRY,

CAN I SLEEP WITH YOU?

- DEPENDS ON

WHAT SIDE OF THE BED YOU WANT.

- I'LL TAKE THAT ONE.

- OH.

- COME HERE.

IT'S SO AMAZING TO ME

THAT IN SIX HOURS,

I CAN GO FROM SUCH SADNESS

TO SUCH HAPPINESS.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME

THAT I'LL BE SAD TOMORROW.

- I'LL BE SAD TOO.

- VISITING?

- PASSING THROUGH.

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- VISITING AN OLD FRIEND.

- IT'S NICE TO STAY IN TOUCH.

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM

IN OVER 30 YEARS.

- I'M 29.

- CONGRATULATIONS.

- HOW COME

YOU'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT?

ABOUT VISITING HIM?

- I'M AFRAID

I MIGHT BREAK HIS JAW.

- 30 YEARS IS A LONG TIME

TO HOLD A PUNCH.

WHAT'D HE DO?

- NOTHING.

DID NOTHING.

- I DON'T THINK

IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

- WHERE DID YOU GET THE IDEA

THAT I GIVE A SHI WHAT YOU THINK?

SUCH A F***ING COWARD.

- I'M REPRESENTING REASON

AS THE MOTOR ENERGY

OF THE COSMOS:

IN POPULARIZING THAT TERM

WHICH SUGGESTED PERSONALITY

AND WILL.

ANAXAGORAS:

GAVE AN IMPETUS TO IDEAS

WHICH WERE THE BASICS

OF ARISTOTELIAN PHILOSOPHY

IN GREECE:

AND IN EUROPE AT LARGE.

CAN I HELP YOU?

- UH, PROFESSOR WILLIAM PORTER?

- YES.

- I'M HARRY SWEENEY.

- WHO?

- WE WERE IN THE NAVY TOGETHER.

- UH, I'M AFRAID

YOU HAVE THE WRONG MAN.

- WE WERE ELECTRICIANS

ON THE USS FORRESTAL.

I HAVE NEVER SERVED IN THE NAVY

NOR IN ANY BRANCH

OF THE MILITARY.

IN FACT,

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN WAR.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE A CLASS TO TEACH.

- DO YOU REMEMBER DAVID KAGAN?

- WHOEVER YOU ARE,

YOU BETTER LEAVE IMMEDIATELY

OR I'M GONNA CALL SECURITY.

- HE'S NOT TELLING YOU

THE TRUTH.

PROFESSOR PORTER ACTUALLY

GLORIED IN THE IDEA OF WAR.

HE BELIEVED:

THAT ANY MAN FORTUNATE ENOUGH

TO HAVE FOUGHT A WAR

WAS MADE BETTER BY IT,

MIGHT EVEN BECOME GREA BECAUSE OF IT.

- ALL RIGHT,

YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN.

NOW LEAVE.

- SUPPOSE I TELL THEM

WHAT WE DID TO DAVID KAGAN.

HOW'D THAT BE, HUH?

smack!

- OH, MY GOD.

- GET OUT.

UGH.

WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- 20 MINUTES.

- WHY ARE YOU HERE?

- TOMMY KELLY CALLED ME.

REMEMBER HIM?

HE WANTED TO BE FORGIVEN

BY DAVID KAGAN BEFORE HE DIED,

BUT HE DIDN'T MAKE IT.

- WHAT HAS THIS

GOT TO DO WITH ME?

- I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHA YOU REMEMBER ABOUT THAT NIGHT.

- I DON'T MAKE A HABI OF REVISITING THOSE YEARS.

THE BOY I WAS THEN IS DEAD.

- TELL ME WHAT YOU REMEMBER,

AND I'LL DISAPPEAR.

YOU'LL NEVER

HAVE TO HEAR FROM ME AGAIN.

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