Hangover Part 2, The Page #2

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- Hey, Stu.

- Teddy. What's up? How are you?

TEDDY:
Good to see you, man.

STU:
All right.

- Who's this guy, Stu?

This is Teddy, Lauren's little brother.

Goes to Stanford. Premed.

This is Phil, Alan and Doug.

DOUG:
Hey, nice to meet you, man.

- Wow, Stanford? How old are you?

TEDDY:
I'm...

- Uh, he's 17. Kind of a genius.

Actually, I'm 16.

And I'm not a genius. My dad just had me

take the entrance exams early.

Because you're a genius.

- So, what are you, a doctor?

- No. Not yet. I'm premed.

Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?

- Yeah.

- Well, he turned out to be a gay.

- Alan.

- It's true. I read it in Teen People.

Right. Okay, well, I'm gonna grab a book

or something for the plane.

You guys want anything?

- No, thanks.

DOUG:
I'm good.

I would actually love a Smartwater.

Cool.

Thanks.

- Whats the matter with you? He's 16.

- Yeah, Alan. Take it easy.

I'm a little confused.

Is he here just to see us off or what?

- How does this work?

- How does what work?

Is that person coming to the wedding?

Yes, Alan. My bride's little brother

is coming to the wedding.

Is that okay with you?

Well, it's just the first time I've heard of it.

You could have paged me.

Don't overreact. it's gonna be fine.

Hey. Mind if I sit?

- Wolf pack only. Find another chair.

- There's no wolf pack, Alan.

- Come on.

- It's no problem. I can find...

- Don't be ridiculous. You're sitting here.

- Careful. That's a Louis...

That is a Louis Vuitton.

TEDDY:

Thanks.

That's a nice neck roll.

Thanks. You can use it if you want.

Okay.

LAUREN;

Baby! Hi! on, my God!

STU:

Ah.

- How was your trip?

- It was long, but good.

STU:
This is so absolutely beautiful.

Thank you so much.

Of course.

Between Teddy and me,

you must be pretty excited.

Pretty soon you'll have two doctors

in the family. Ha, ha.

You have to realize that in my country, we

don't consider dentist to be real doctors.

Dad.

Okay.

Anyway, I have to go and talk to Teddy

about his cello performance tonight.

See you.

- Ouch.

- I'm so sorry.

Your dad's kind of obsessed

with your brother.

LAUREN:

Teddy is my dad's prized possession.

It's always been that way.

He'll warm up. I promise. Okay?

ALAN:
If you just fax it over to me,

I'll pick it up from concierge.

Okay. Ha, ha. Thanks, Pa Pa.

Bye-bye.

That was, uh, my dad.

I'm a stay-at-home son.

We were discussing your wedding gift.

He's sparing no expense.

Oh, that's so unnecessary.

I've been, uh, meaning to ask.

I noticed it's a fishing village.

Is there a Long John Silver's

on the island?

You know, no, I don't think so.

I'm so sorry.

But we are actually sewing

some great fresh seafood.

- Better than Long John's'?

- Yes.

I'll be the judge of that.

Enjoy your evening.

You too. Okay.

All right.

Thank you, Teddy.

The hands of a brilliant musician...

and one day, a great surgeon.

I admit it.

When I first met Stu, I was not quite sold.

[STU SNICKERS

AND ALL CHUCKLE]

He seemed unattractive.

He lacked intelligence and imagination.

He was missing that spark

you look for in a man.

But then I look into Stu's eyes.

He reminded me of my sweet brother,

Chaiyo.

For those who do not know...

Chaiyo is learning-disabled

and lives in a group home.

But Chaiyo loves chok.

And that's when I realized...

Stu is chok.

What's chok?

Chok is soft white rice

in lukewarm water.

It has no taste.

We feed it to small baby

and very old people.

It is nourishment

that everyone can digest.

The world needs chok.

Just as the world needs people like Stu.

To my sweet daughter and Stu.

Congratulations.

PHIL:
Hear, hear.

DOUG:
Cheers, guys.

And now I believe that Teddy

has something to say.

Sit down. I got this.

Sit down, boy.

That was, uh, a great speech, sir.

I like the comparisons between, uh,

Stu and rice.

I've also prepared a few words.

"Hey, everybody, here are some fun facts.

The population in Thailand

is 63 million people.

It is twice the size of Wyoming.

Its chief exports are textiles,

footwear and rice.

Each year, approximately 13,000 people

are killed in car accidents in Thailand.

- The climate in Thailand is..."

DOUG:
Alan, uh...

Alan, why don't you skip

to the last card there, buddy?

Okay. Sorry.

"None of you know Stu like I do."

Not you. Not you.

Not you. Not you.

Not nobody knows Stu like I do.

No one.

"I can't even tell you

what we've been through...

because we made a pact

more important than blood.

What I can tell you is this:

This is not Stu's first marriage.

There was a whore in Las Vegas

a couple of years ago..."

You can sit down, bud. You can sit down.

- It was good. I did good, though.

- Oh, God, you killed it.

- Okay. Thanks, Phil.

- Sit down. Yeah.

In your face.

Well, that was exactly as painful

as I expected it to be.

Ha, ha. Sorry.

Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing?

- Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, Phil.

- Be nice, Phil. He's extra sensitive tonight.

Get over it. He's your father-in-law.

He's supposed to hate you.

Come have a drink with me and the guys.

You know, I'm really exhausted.

We're just gonna go upstairs and crash.

I spoke with the manager.

He'll let us have a beach bonfire.

That sounds fun.

Nah. I'm good.

He's tired.

Stu. One drink with your friends.

They came all this way.

- I just wanna hang out with you.

- Oh, come on, just go and do me a favor:

Take Teddy with you.

He never gets to have any fun.

That is a great idea. Bring the kid.

- All right. One drink.

LAUREN:
Perfect.

- See?

- You win.

STU:
See you later.

LAUREN:
Have fun.

STEPHANIE:
Got your key?

- Uh, yep. Got it right there.

- I'll see you in 20 minutes.

My Uncle Roger said

that he once saw a albino polar bear.

Really? Polar bears are white.

How would he know if it's an albino?

This one was black.

Did you ever think

maybe it was just a black bear?

Whatevs.

- Okay. Here we go.

DOUG:
All right.

- American beer.

DOUG:
Let's do it.

Sealed bottles.

Thank you. All right.

Um, I'm not really old enough to drink.

Yeah, it's illegal.

Be a shame if somebody reported you.

Nobody's reporting anybody.

It's fine, Teddy. Have a little fun.

ALAN:
Careful.

PHIL:
What? Oh.

What is this? Roasting marshmallows?

Nice touch.

DOUG:
That was Alan's idea.

- Oh. Good thinking, Alan.

You know, I gotta hand it to you, Stu.

This place is paradise.

Not bad, right?

And I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I'm actually jealous of you.

I mean, Lauren is an angel.

Yeah, she really is amazing.

Wow, you guys are sweet.

Not big breasts on her,

but still, solid rack for an Asian.

Sorry, Teddy, but it's true.

That's okay.

That is just wildly inappropriate.

And yet I'm really glad you're here.

All you guys.

Even you, Alan.

It means a lot that you made the trip.

Thank you.

Wouldn't miss it, buddy.

Great. Now can we have our

one f***ing beer, Dad?

Mm-hm.

All right. Toast.

Come on, stand up, guys.

Come over here, Alan.

To Lauren and Stu.

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