Hannah Montana: Keeping It Real Page #5

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as their Role Model of the Year!

Why not just take these pins

and jam them into my flesh?

There'll be a ton of rich moms

asking who l'm wearing.

And that is why, as you can see,

you are my favorite pop star.

lSlS:
Dahli! Hello, Dahli!

lt's lsis!

Move it, pop princess.

The queen has arrived.

lsis! l love her!

Immaterial Girl was my theme song

when l was six!

She's my idol!

l hog-called Impress Yourself

at the Buford County fair

and won second prize!

What won first?

Uncle Earl belching

Sweet Home Alabama.

Good story. But stop talking and

help me make this room presentable.

Better.

Hey!

Sweetness, you're adorable,

but you look like

Raggedy Ann threw up all over you.

Darling, l'm here!

Oh, my. lt's you.

lt's me? lt's you!

Yes, it is, but it's also you.

l think you're fabulous.

You think l'm fabulous?

l think you're fabulous!

-Thank you.

-Thank me? Thank you!

l grow tired of this.

So, what bit of brilliance

is my little Dahli creating for you?

This. What do you think?

(GASPS)

l love it!

-Can we have a moment?

-Of course.

Darling, do you mind?

l am so glad that you like my outfit.

Darling, l also like seaweed wraps,

but l don't wear them in public.

l mean, look at that thing.

lt's so Hannah Montana.

That's because l am Hannah Montana.

You... You didn't think

l was someone else, did you?

You want to know

how l survived all these years?

Change! Constant change.

New looks, new sound.

You have to know what's next

and do it first, because...

(SINGING) If you don't change

Do a rearrange

Everyone will go

''She's boring.''

-They will?

-Yes!

lf you want to stay on top,

you have to think outside the box.

l always have a next, a next-next,

and this morning, during yoga,

l got a glimpse of my next-next-next.

And Antonio Banderas with his leg

behind his head! Wowza!

So, you already

have your next-next-next?

l don't even know

what l'm having for dinner tonight.

ln that case, it was a nice little career.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

l wasn't. Until now.

Oh. You're still here?

Hey, Hannah?

Dahliano says we have to go.

What do you want to do next?

l don't know.

(SCREAMS)

(SINGING) Come on!

You get the limo out front

Hottest styles, every shoe

every color

Yeah, when you're famous

it can be kind of fun

It's really you

but no one ever discovers

Who would have thought

that a girl like me

Would double as a superstar?

You get the best of both worlds

Chill it out, take it slow

Then you rock out the show

You get the best of both worlds

Mix it all together

And you know that

it's the best of both worlds

(LAUGHlNG)

(FARTS)

Hey, how are you?

lt's such a nice day,

let's go out on the deck and enjoy it.

What do you say?

How can l enjoy the day?

Look at my outfit.

What are you talking about?

lt's classic Hannah Montana.

That's a terrible thing to say!

Of course it is. l hate it. Help me, Lilly.

Well, l would,

but l think l stepped in something.

(SPEAKlNG lNCOHERENTLY)

What?

She met lsis today, who told her

Hannah's career's in trouble.

Honey, now, why would

Hannah's career be in trouble?

(SPEAKlNG lNCOHERENTLY)

Because if she doesn't have

a next-next, she's going to lose her

pants?

-Fans! Fans!

-Fans! Fans!

She thinks if she doesn't change

her sound and her look,

her fans will get bored.

Darling, that's not going to happen.

(REPEATlNG ROBBY

BY lMlTATlNG HANNAH)

l can hear him!

You know how much

your audience loves you.

Now. But what about a year from now?

lsis has been on top for 20 years

because she always mixes it up.

Shoot, honey, l know a lot of pop stars

who never mixed it up

and they still have great careers today.

Like who?

Who wants pie?

l'll have pie!

(SCREAMS)

l'm so excited about going out with you

this weekend, Becky.

You won't be sorry

for giving me a second chance.

(EXCLAlMS)

Or a third chance?

You know what?

You're cute when you're clumsy.

And you're cute

when your nose is bleeding.

Here, let me clean that up for you.

Get out while you can.

He brings everyone down to his level.

Well, l guess

l'll see you Saturday night.

And Thursday and Friday night

from your bushes.

-Go away!

-You go away.

-You go away.

-You go away.

You guys are so funny.

You're like two sisters, but you're boys.

You mean like brothers?

Right. Whatever.

l'm confused.

They say opposites attract,

yet you're both stupid.

l'm going to let you get away with that

because l'm a nice guy

and because l need an advance

on my salary for my date.

-Sure.

-Aw, come on!

What?

As a matter of fact, consider it a gift.

Okay, what's the catch?

No catch.

There is, however, a condition.

For the rest of today,

every time

someone says the word ''dog,''

you have to...

(BARKS)

Hot dog over here.

Can we get seven dogs?

(BARKlNG)

Yeah, Rico, l'm barking.

l'm barking all the way to the bank!

Hey, tomorrow,

maybe l can moo for moola.

Let's just see where barking takes us.

-What do you want, honey?

-l'll have a hot dog.

(BARKS)

What did you say to her?

Nothing.

Just get her the hot dog.

(BARKS)

You calling my girlfriend a dog?

(BARKS)

That's it, you're dog meat!

(lMlTATES DOG YlPPlNG)

(SlGHS) A new sound,

that can't be too hard to come up with.

Hey! Hey, what about hip-hop?

Dude, that'd be totally cool.

l don't know.

You mean like Half-dolla Hannah?

(BEATBOXlNG)

(SINGING) I'm a Half-dolla Hannah

You can call me five dimes

You can call me anything

As long as it rhymes

And if you don't like it

Well, I don't really care

'Cause I'm Half-dolla Hannah

And I got facial hair

Word

(lMlTATES RECORD SCRATCHlNG)

'Fraid not.

Well, what about something

a little more retro?

You know, like techno-Hannah.

Techno-Hannah?

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) Clip it, clip it

Clip it real good

Then chip it, chip it

Like Tiger Woods

(CRASHlNG)

(CAT MEOWS ANGRlLY)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

That one could hurt people.

l don't understand.

This seems so easy for lsis.

l mean, she can go

from slam rock to glam rock,

from punk to funk.

That's why she's the queen of pop,

and if l don't do something...

You'll be the queen of flop?

Sorry. lt was right there.

l will not be the queen of flop.

lf lsis can do a 1 80 every few years,

so can l.

Wait a minute. That's it!

Of course that's it!

What's it?

l just have to be the opposite

of Hannah. The anti-Hannah.

Of course, the anti-Hannah!

What's the anti-Hannah?

You'll see.

(SINGING) Well, I used to be a nice girl

Always doing what I'm told

And I'm here to tell you, baby

That it's getting kind of old

Say goodbye to all the sparkles

And all the pretty girly lace

I'm gonna chew your little heart up

And then I'll spit it in your face

So, what do you think

of the new Hannah?

(EXCLAlMS HAPPlLY)

-l know. Surprising, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-And different, right?

-Surprisingly different.

Exactly what l was going for.

A Hannah no one will expect!

(EXCLAlMS HAPPlLY)

Or ever wants to see again.

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