Happily Ever After Page #3

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Here. Section four,

subparagraph eight.

"Once a prince finds his true love,

he may never let her go."

I will find you, my love...

if I must ride to the ends

of the earth to do so.

Your Majesty.

Please wait. I'm right...

here.

I can swim a little!

That is the prince?

What a loser.

Serves her right.

If I'm gonna

shake things up around here...

I'm gonna need some bad guys.

It's time to party!

Maybe it's just fireworks?

I never seen that before.

- Come on. Let's go.

- This way.

Yeah, yeah.

Something's going down at the palace.

Sweet.

Death from above!

Rick. Oh, my gosh. Rick! Hey.

I was dancing with the prince

and my dress disappeared.

Okay. So that's too much

information, but thank you.

It was supposed to last

till midnight, but it didn't.

And then there was this light in the sky.

Something's wrong.

- Yeah. I'll say.

- Coming over the bridge! Look!

Evildoers of our kingdom!

- Hiya!

- Hello.

So, guys...

ever think there could be

more to life than this?

We're always the losers,

the bad guys.

Is that fair? No.

Frieda.

And who wins?

The dorky ingenues

and the pretentious princes.

From now on,

say good-bye to losing.

And say hello to winning.

Yes to little girls

who get eaten by wolves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

To princesses

who never get their prince!

Because starting tonight...

I give you...

happily n'ever after!

Yeah. This is where you came in.

I hate to tell ya,

but it gets worse.

Yeah, yeah.

We demand that you depart

this palace at once.

Yeah. You heard the man.

What you gonna do if we don't?

- Let's make guard kabobs.

- Dibs on the chubby one!

- This is gonna be great!

- I like to hit things.

Ow, ow! Not the face!

That was my favorite leg!

- Rick, we have to do something.

- Okay. We could get-

I know. We'll find the prince.

He's out looking for me now.

- We have to find him.

- For what?

He's a pretty boy. He just does

whatever his little book says.

I'm sure his book

will tell him to save the day.

If you think that poser

is gonna save us, you're dreaming.

Maybe I am dreaming,

but somehow...

I know this wasn't

supposed to happen.

It's Frieda.

She's making everything bad.

Just like she always has for me,

but for everyone.

We need a hero to stop her.

We need the prince.

- You mean you need the prince.

- This isn't about me.

She's taking over.

Yes, it is. It's about you

becoming a princess...

so you can move upstairs

and forget people like me exist.

You know what?

You're being ridiculous.

Ridiculous?

You know what?

You need to get out of here.

You're blocking my light.

And I've got dishes to wash.

Okay.

Fine.

I don't need you anyway.

Go with her, mon ami.

She does need you.

For what?

To chase after that jerk?

Prince envy.

How could we screw up so badly?

The wizard will never trust us again.

The wizard'll never trust you again.

- You knocked over the ball!

- You gave her the staff!

A wicked stepmother?

With the wizard's staff!

She could take over the kingdom!

If we don't fix this mess before

the boss gets back from vacation, he'll-

He'll turn us into toads

is what he'll do.

I like the way I look already.

I don't want to be a frog!

What if he makes me look like you?

- I know what we need.

- Yeah. A new job.

I've seen these tales

a million times...

and who is the one guy

that always wins in the end?

- The prince!

- Or the simpleton.

Exactly. The simpleton.

I mean... the prince!

Hello?

Excuse me.

Cinderella?

How do you know me? Never mind.

Did you guys see

a prince come this way?

Six foot 2, perfect body,

perfect face, perfect everything.

Why, no. Did you come from

the palace, by any chance?

Yes. It was horrible.

Trolls, witches.

The bad guys have taken over.

Who are you guys?

What are you guys?

I'm Munk. He's Mambo.

We work for the wizard.

We had a little accident.

Accident?

We let a wicked stepmother

get control of the kingdom's destiny!

She has the boss's staff!

Okay. Okay. No arguing.

Could you guys fix all this and make

everything the way it was meant to be?

- Of course.

- But first we'd have to get past Frieda.

For which we need the prince.

Come with me. I'm looking for him too.

He'll help us save the day.

The prince defeats Frieda...

we fix the scales

of good and evil...

and the boss doesn't have to know!

That might actually work.

Let's find the prince.

Heck yeah, it'll work! He'll take

that mother down a few steps.

Oh, yeah.

Hey.

Seven billy goats gruff,

medium rare.

Three little pigs' ribs...

and a cow-that-jumped-over-the-moon

burger...

with fries.

How's the salad, big guy?

- Get you guys a refill on the mead?

- What's your rush, kid?

- Sit down.

- Take a load off.

- Pour yourself a glass.

- All right.

Don't mind if I do.

That's the first time

anybody asked me to sit down.

I'm melting!

- So what's your name, kid?

- Rick.

So, are you a good guy

or a bad guy or a what guy?

Neither. I work in the kitchen.

Let me give you some advice.

Around here,

you're either a good guy...

or a bad guy.

And between you and me...

I don't see much future

in being good.

Mon frre, what are you doing

hanging around?

Those guys are cool. They're not

too good to hang with the help.

A good friend does not

let a good friend down.

Would you get out of my way?

You should be with her,

out there by her side.

What for?

She wants a prince, remember?

"Wizardress."

Too hard to say. General?

Mistress?

Queen of Calamity?

Your Highness.

Your Lowness.

Your Badness.

Excuse me, Empress of Evil.

"Empress."

I like it. Still kind of stuffy,

but beats "stepmother."

I've come to offer my services.

And why would I need you, shrimp?

I'm Rumpelstiltskin.

I'm the supremely evil

diabolical mastermind.

I have information

about a plot against you.

Already? Get out!

Wait. Hold on.

This info-What do you

want in exchange?

I'll become your evil co-wizard.

Diabolical vice president.

Your malicious creative exec.

Dastardly follower

in charge of badness?

I stole a baby!

That's about as evil as it gets.

Okay, okay.

Sidekick.

Your fear-inspiring,

terrifyingly evil sidekick!

Somebody needs a diaper change.

Empress...

I overheard the wizard's assistants

conspiring in the woods.

Those little freaks? Get out.

You are so wasting my time.

But they're searching for the prince,

and helping them is a girl.

A girl?

humble clothes,

extremely petite feet-

Ella.

I hate that girl.

She's so... girlie.

Your Majesty?

Prince?

- That didn't sound like a prince.

- Did I say I wanted it edgier?

I don't want it edgy.

I want it happy.

Roses and tiaras

and ball gowns and-

Kiss it!

Maybe it'll turn into a prince.

It was worth a try.

Sweet.

Hey. Watch the snout.

Believe me. I'm watchin' it!

I'm watchin' it!

Fellow rogues, victory is near.

But there's just one

little seed of goodness...

that refuses to die

in the winter of our content.

Go forth.

Find Cinderella...

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