Happily Ever After Page #5

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Basically, a power-mad evil

stepmother with awesome magic...

and every bad guy

in the history of fairy tales...

who've taken over your palace.

Forget it. This guy's useless.

I'm gonna save her.

Rick, I like the idea.

But I don't know

how to break this to you...

but that is just not how it works.

He's the one who saves her.

Always.

You're the prince.

Don't you want to save

your damsel in distress?

Yeah, and we're talkin'

distress big time!

And I will save you...

my little slipper girl!

Have no fear, my beloved!

Stirrups, straps,

do not let go of the reins.

Right. Got it.

- What's goin' on?

- There's the dashing prince.

He's charging.

He's wielding his noble sword...

with fiery determination.

He's falling off! He's falling off

the steed. He fell off.

He's on the ground now. He's on the

ground. He's looking for his noble sword.

I'm almost startin'

to feel sorry for the guy.

He's feelin' around.

That's a stick.

- They're kickin' him now.

- Easy!

- And they're laughing at him.

- That hurt!

- And they're- He just got... captured.

- Ow!

"Capture by trolls...

Kiss thy royal butt good-bye"?

Bye-bye!

Well, no more prince.

What now?

No more anybody else either.

Look.

We have to fix the scales

and save the kingdom.

While there's something

left to save.

We will... without a prince.

Well, well.

Ella.

Cinderella.

Now what should I do with you?

Turn you into a snail?

Make you sleep for a thousand years?

Shrink you?

Eat you?

- Poison you?

- I'm not scared of you.

When the prince comes-

Everyone will live

happily ever after.

You always were such

an annoying little optimist.

Fortunately, happy endings

are so yesterday.

Red Riding Hood-

Only the hood is left.

Size six, if you want one.

And Sleeping Beauty-

Nighty-night...

after night, after night.

Forever!

And Cinderelly...

still dreaming of her

big, strong prince.

Well, don't hold your breath, baby!

I did it all-

the ball, the girl, the haircut,

the shirt, the steed.

I even had the perfect underwear!

I'm a failure!

No. That's impossible.

He's the prince. He's a hero.

He can't-

Can't what? Lose?

Feed that thing, you half-wit!

But if I feed him now,

he's gonna be up all night.

Then I'll feed him...

to the crocodiles in the moat.

Empress?

Oh, Cinderelly?

Going so soon?

Your party's just

getting started, babe!

We're gonna have our own ball.

- Are you sure about this?

- No. Act cool.

Hey, I'm just tryin' to put

money in your pocket, player.

Yo.

Yo.

Yo! We're cool.

We're low.

We're on the down low, the DL.

Down low.

Way down here.

We're slowly, moley, roly-poly.

Hey, what's wrong with you?

I'm down.

They like me.

I parlez-vous their hippy-hip,

coolio, bombio, phatty lingo.

I'm a- I'm a hepcat.

That's what I am.

So the pig says, "I don't

have to go to the bathroom.

I get to go wee, wee, wee,

all the way home."

Go wee, wee, wee! Yeah!

Yo, Ricky!

Hey... you!

Yo! Look who's back.

Hey, Ricky! What's up?

Rick, come on.

Make a toast.

I'd love to, but I gotta work.

You guys are my friends.

You understand, right?

If I didn't know better...

I'd think you didn't wanna

hang out with us.

Here's to evil...

to eatin' grandmas...

stealin' babies,

cookin' little kids.

Here's to the good stuff.

That's my little Ricky.

And here's to the baddest...

most awful, rank-smelling,

evil bad guy of 'em all.

That's the nicest thing

anybody ever said to me.

No.

He meant me, capisce?

You? You eat grandmas

and little girls.

What's bad about that?

Okay, we made it in.

We got past the wolves.

What now?

Here's the plan.

You guys fix the scales.

I'm gonna get the staff

away from Frieda.

Will this be before

or after I faint?

You aren't gonna get away with this.

You can't just take over.

This isn't the way

things were meant to be.

Quit dreaming, Cindy.

I'm having

a real problem with this.

I'm concerned about the effect this

violence is gonna have on little Reggie.

That wasn't violence.

This is violence!

- Frieda, over here!

- What?

Rick!

Don't hurt him!

Ella!

"Don't hurt him"?

Ella likes the dishwasher.

- You again?

- Oh, no!

Well, well. Cinderella.

Kiss your little pumpkin good-bye!

Rick!

I've got you, Ella!

I won't let you go!

You should have just

married the dishwasher.

He's so much cuter.

Bye-bye!

Ella, grab him!

Wow! Did you see that?

I did something dangerous

and heroic and-

Hey, why didn't anyone stop me?

Seriously, if you ever see me about

to do something like that again...

just knock me out.

Like, punch!

End of story.

Thank you, Rick.

Guys?

Does Frieda still have the staff?

Dang.

Miss me?

You'll live to regret that.

But not for long.

Good-bye, Ella.

Rick!

- Rick!

- Don't move!

You just had to go

for your happy ending.

- Well, let me tell you.

- No sleeping! No sleeping!

This is your end...

but it ain't gonna be happy!

I'm gonna show you that dreams

don't come true.

For years I've been letting you

ruin my life!

Well, no more!

What life? The life you were gonna have

with Sleeping Beauty over there?

The dishwasher

and the scullery maid!

You're gonna live

happily never after!

Ella! Push her into the portal!

The staff!

- Oops.

- You're not gonna need it anymore.

She's gone.

Nice punch, Ella.

Rick!

You're okay!

Hang on a second.

I thought you wanted a prince.

I had one all along.

I just didn't know it.

Like I always say,

good triumphs over evil.

Isn't that so, precious sugar pie?

How do you like that?

It looks like Cinderella

got her happy ending after all.

Not an ending...

a beginning.

Well, let's get

this place cleaned up.

Before the boss gets home.

So there you go.

Maybe it's not the Cinderella

tale you're used to...

but, personally,

I like this one better.

Look, the prince even got

to save the day in the end.

Well, at least that's

what he thinks.

And Rumpelstiltskin?

- Well-

- Open up.

He's "Uncle Rumpy" now.

By the time

the wizard came back...

Munk and Mambo had cleaned

everything up.

Are we ready?

And Fairytale Land

was back to normal.

Man, I can't believe it.

perfect chip shot...

and I blow my last putt.

Triple bogey.

- Any problems?

- Problems? No. No problems.

Come on. Everything went

pretty smooth.

Oh, yes.

Every story had an ending.

Good.

But I gotta say, this is my

favorite part of the story.

I guess an ordinary guy

can get a happy ending.

Pretty nice, huh?

And you know who

paid for everything?

The prince.

He's not such a bad guy after all.

So what does "happily

ever after" really mean?

Beats me.

But, you know,

I think we're gonna find out.

Back! Back!

Bad creature!

And back, you!

All of you, get back!

I'm the empress of evil!

Yeah, yeah!

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