Happy, Texas Page #4

Me either.

That's funny.

Hilarious.

I couldn't help but notice that...

you seemed to have kept

a certain amount of...

passion in your relationship.

With David? Passion?

Yeah. I, uh... I guess I work hard

to keep that in my life.

See, relationships for me have all

just been a little bit fuzzy.

I mean, the difference between

what is good and what is settling...

has... has always been

a real problem for me.

So I'm just lookin' for anything

that would help. You know what I

mean? Um, a tip or a magic spell.

For a relationship

that you're in?

Yeah.

Oh.

And this guy, uh...

It is a guy, right?

Yes, it's a guy. Of course it's a guy.

Good.

Guys are easy.

I mean, all they want is...

The bank. The bank!

The bank?

Sugar, stop cryin'.

It's all right.

It's just an accident.

Everybody all right?

Here's your baton, Jency.

I'm sorry it melted.

It's out!

The fire is out!

All you people go home!

No, no, no.

Lefty loosey, righty tighty.

And will somebody turn off

the damned alarm?

Man, I always get scared

when I hear that old tornado siren.

You thought a tornado

hit the bank?

No, no, the bank's alarm

fire department and public safety...

are all tied into

the same system.

My heart is goin'

a mile a minute.

Girl, you need to relax.

Yeah, well, I'm open to suggestions.

Why don't you let me

give the girlfriend role a try?

Help you out with the decorations.

Okay.

Why don't you come by tomorrow then?

David

may I have a word

with you, please?

Now, most times I don't like

to have to say anything...

about what people say

or what they do.

But I will not stand by

and allow you...

to use vulgar language like the GD word

in front of those little girls.

I will not let that happen.

Do you understand me?

I wish you wouldn't

talk to me like that.

Well, I'm sorry, David

but it had to be said.

I'm sorry.

Hi, Miss Schaefer.

Would you mind if I borrow David

for one second?

No.

It's the end times.

What the hell are you trying to do?

About what?

Fry a bunch of little girls?

Need I remind you...

Need I remind you that those girls

are our meal ticket here?

What did you do that for?

Don't talk to me like that.

Okay. God.

My mistake.

Everything, uh, copacetic

with your companion there?

Yeah. We're more

like just friends now.

Yeah, it seems friendly.

Yeah, in many ways, we just

stick together 'cause of the job.

Your, uh... your work's

awful important to you.

Sure. I gotta go.

Yeah, hold... hold on there.

Hold on.

I was thinkin'...

Something occurred to me.

If you got the time, I'd like

to ask you some questions...

about you and your...

your friend there.

You mind comin' over

to my office?

Could I do it another time?

Be better for me.

The Lord works

in mysterious ways.

Well, I'm not superstitious

but when she was passin'by

How's it goin'?

You know what they say.

What are they sayin' now?

Well, you know.

Measure twice, cut once.

You?

How are you doing?

Good.

I'm almost finished with my masterpiece.

I call it "Family Tree."

I think I may have

just found my true calling.

How are you doin'? You almost done

with the tree trunks? We need 'em.

Be right there.

So, tell me about this man of yours.

Uh, his name is Glen.

Uh huh.

Where's Glen now?

He's in Van Horne. He stops by every once

in a while for dinner and breakfast.

A few late night phone calls.

It's a very modern relationship.

Yeah, we've been together

six years next month.

Six years of what?

Breakfast and phone calls?

Sounds kind of convenient.

Doesn't sound very... very permanent.

Well, I can wait.

What for?

You know, you're in your twenties and

everything's gonna happen "someday."

And then you get a little

past your twenties...

and "someday" is happening

or has happened.

Your dad dies and you go

from being Josephine to Joe...

president of the bank.

And everybody starts

dependin' on ya.

Your love life

sort of takes a back seat.

You start to realize

that maybe... maybe your...

maybe your ultimate dreams

are just unattainable.

I don't know. I guess I'm

still waitin' for "someday."

Well, on the plus side, he does

do somethin' every once in a while...

that feels worth waitin' for.

What's that?

He tells me that he loves me.

Aw, come on. "Love you" is easy.

Men say it all the time.

Men say they love their work.

Love their cars

love their...

Love their freedom.

He should tell you

something more than that.

Like what?

He should take you in his arms

look you straight in your eyes.

He should say...

I don't know. He should say

"I may have seen a woman in my life...

"who is considered prettier...

"but I've never seen one

more beautiful.

"When you laugh and your eyes

are happy, I think...

"I think no matter what...

I'm a success."

He should say, "I want you."

Yeah.

"I want you, Joe.

"You'll never be second to

anything else because I want you

more than anything else.

"I wanna kiss you.

I wanna breathe in the air

out of you."

Right. Like some straight guy's

ever gonna say that.

Oh, my God.

Ooh, man, you are good. You know that?

You are really, really good.

Well, a man in love is a man in love.

Yeah.

You know, it makes him say

the strangest things.

Come on.

Finish the trees.

Yeah, the trees.

Let's go.

Well, I better... I, uh...

I better go wash this off so we can...

move on to gettin' covered

in tree trunk brown, yep.

Oh, excuse me.

Don't move.

Gotcha. Bang.

There's one less bunny rabbit

that'll be bothering you.

Damn rodents. Chewing up

everything in sight.

You know

they breed like rabbits.

Yeah, I heard.

Sheriff, why are we out here?

Let me choose

the right words here. Uh...

Ever since you and David

come to town...

I've been thinking

"What's wrong with this picture?"

There's one. You want him?

No.

Whoop. There he goes.

Oh, there, he's got two.

Thank you.

Truth to tell, I invited you out here

because I need some advice.

Sure, if I can help.

I'm just a crusty old redneck

and I don't express myself well.

And recently there's someone

that I would...

Iove to express myself to.

Why, Sheriff.

You've got a crush on

some sweet thing. That's great.

There comes a time in a...

in a man's life...

when he must be bold.

Sure. I've learnt that you've

gotta say what's in your heart.

Life is short.

To let the chance pass you by

of spending it with someone you love...

that's a sin

a real sin.

Here we go.

You want this one?

You take him.

Bring it up nice and slow.

Easy, easy, easy.

You got the safety off there?

Is it tight against your shoulder?

Keep it tight.

Nice and tight. That's good.

You're good.

Yeah.

I guess like...

like everybody else

I'm scared of bein'...

you know, rejected.

Well, there's no way, man.

You're a real catch.

You're a man's man.

You're a nice guy.

You got your health.

And everybody knows what

a turn on that uniform is.

Just bring it up tight

into your shoulder there.

You're gonna just squeeze it.

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