Happy, Texas Page #5

Don't jerk it.

Just squeeze it.

Look right down the barrel.

Keep both your eyes open.

You mean all that stuff

that you said?

If you were gay...

you'd be just my type.

Pop him.

Jiminy crickets.

Are... Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Did I get it?

Uh, I don't think there's any danger of

that. Are you sure you're all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I think you're mighty handsome.

I'd never split up

another couple.

But now that I see that you and David

aren't together any more...

well, that's a cat

of a different colour.

So...

bein' bold here...

what do you say you and me

go out on a proper date?

Two Cokes.

And left, and left.

Like an aeroplane.

'Cause I got my weight in my hip.

Weight in my hip.

Weight in the hip.

And left, and...

Put it up!

Punch it! Punch!

And come on!

Shh!

That way. All right.

You do it.

Yeah! Put it up here.

Doing the swan head.

Face me, though. Good. All right.

Let's go inside and show the others.

That's pretty much my story.

Up to high school, anyway.

Lucky we had the 21/2 hour drive

to get here.

It's just that I've heard about

this place for so long...

I figure this is a good time...

Do you believe in love

at first sight

Tell you what.

I'll get us a couple of beers.

You can tell me about yourself.

I'm glad that we agreed

believe me

That's a big relief

This place is awful crowded

and this music is so loud

Would you like to go

and grab a bite to eat

Me neither

Whoa, whoa, hold on there. God knows

when we're gonna see you again.

Uh, we need

two more Tecates. Each?

At least.

There ya go.

And, uh, give me the meanest

steak you got. Rare, and I mean rare.

Just dehorn it, wipe its butt

and send it in.

Steven?

Two.

There you go.

Well, first things first.

I'm glad you're here.

I wish you'd start

callin' me Chappy.

Chappy.

There you go.

Got me a room

in a cheap motel

My head was spinnin'

and I didn't feel well

Hope you'll understand

if we take this very slow.

Oh, I wouldn't have it

any other way.

I fixed up my bed

and I covered up my head

It's just that

I feel we're a lot alike.

There's a lot

you don't know about me.

Well, that's what life's for

isn't it?

Findin' out.

I'm gonna spin you again.

No.

A one, two.

I turned and I tossed

Love is stranger than fiction

And I make this prediction

Even though you say you won't

I know you'll let me down

Tell me I'm your heart's desire

Love me long, you little liar

We've got a strange love

Love love

How was the prom?

Your date. Did you get any?

Yeah, very funny.

Screw you.

Well, that would be...

cheatin' on the sheriff.

Did you do some dancin'?

Why do you care?

I'll tell you why I care.

You don't... You don't think

I know what you're doin'.

Do you?

What?

What, goin' to the banker lady's house

for popcorn and pillow talk.

Goin' huntin'. What did you do?

Did you go someplace nice for dinner?

Did you have a few drinks?

You don't think I'd like to get out

some night, have a nice meal...

spend one night

not thinkin' about the girls?

You know what I did tonight?

I'll tell you what I did.

I spent it right here...

tryin' to figure out if...

slip stitchin' or bastin' is the best

way to put on a sparkly heart.

Because you know what?

I don't know how.

Judges are gonna be here tomorrow.

Madison's not gotten

all the way through her song.

Numbers are all over the place.

Nobody can keep the beat.

And I'm scared to death that

Jency is gonna drop her baton...

and fry like one of them

Buddhist monks.

There...

I thought this was

a partnership.

You know what I don't see?

I don't see no keys

to the bank.

Fine, Wayne, let's trade.

You come pretend to be

Chappy's life mate.

You explain how you don't...

kiss early in the relationship

'cause you're not that kind of guy.

So now it's "Chappy."

Yes, damn it, it's "Chappy"!

We're dating!

I gotta get outta here.

Every time we start to have

a nice talk, you gotta go.

Fine. You know what?

Maybe I'll just go do the bank myself.

Okay, Wayne. Go.

You go do it.

You go do the bank.

All right.

First I gotta make little polka dotted

flowers for the girls' hats.

You're quiet today.

Are you all right?

Every time I think about you I am.

What?

You're such a surprise.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

Just a surprise.

Well, I have to

get back to work.

I'll clean up.

Thanks.

Can I see you later?

It's last night in town.

I can't. I'm havin' company.

How about after?

It's Glen, Steven.

"After" will be tomorrow.

Okay.

Well, thanks again for lunch.

I'll see ya.

David, where you been?

I just woke up. Where's the girls?

They're inside with the judges now.

So close. We're so close this year.

Just once I'd like

to show those people...

from Pecos and Fort Davis that

we are just as good as they are.

Sorry.

Well, I think we'll do fine.

I just wanted to tell you

that next year...

you don't need my help

'cause you done real good.

Well, thanks.

Comin' from a professional

like yourself, that means so much.

Yep. Well...

And you are, I must say

you are f***in' great!

Don't mean to be rude.

We still have the girls to see...

over in Fort Davis

this afternoon.

And thanks so much for your hospitality.

Everything looks very festive for tomorrow.

Oh. Here...

Mm hmm.

Are the final instructions

for the programme...

and your copy

of the contestant list.

Are you telling me

that somebody qualified?

Miss Schaefer

they all qualified.

They all qualified!

It zips!

Trouble

Love trouble

Love trouble

Love that trouble

Aw, I think we can

do something about that

Now, I haven't had a whole lot of

experience, but you're incredible.

I mean, considerin' the fact

that you are a homosexual.

Well, that whole gay thing

is just kind of a...

hobby, really.

I thought you had a lot of girls'

names on you for a, you know...

Who's Jessica?

Jessica Lange.

Who's Jamie?

Jamie Lee Curtis...

from that movie Trading Places.

Who's this?

That's not a tattoo.

Oh, my!

Three most romantic sounds

in the world.

Plane engine

a ship's whistle...

and a locomotive's horn.

Somebody once said that.

Or maybe it's the three

loneliest sounds. I can't remember.

What are you thinkin' about

out here watchin' freighters go by?

Goin'.

I'm always thinkin' about goin'.

Oh, Lordy, we sure did get

to the "gettin' goin"' part quick.

I got somethin' for you.

Oh, Chappy, you shouldn't have.

Oh, go on, now.

It's for luck tomorrow.

And to say thanks.

Thank you for the...

the gift that

these last days have been.

You know, I been thinkin'

hell, Dallas ain't that far.

My schedule's pretty flexible.

Nah, we...

we don't need to talk about that now.

There's time for that later.

Go on. Open it.

It's a rabbit's foot.

I made it. It's for luck.

That come off the only one

you hit that day.

Thank you.

I want you to know

when you leave...

I know folks around here.

They'll talk about it for years.

"Remember when them two fellas

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