Happy Campers Page #10

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Behind the counselors, with suspicious flippancy, the boys

of Wichita's cabin strike up a conversation indirectly

directed at Todd.

WICHITA BOY ONE (ERIC)

Dude, how many times have you had

sex with your mother?

WICHITA BOY TWO (STANLEY)

Gee, lots of times. Nothing beats

having sex with your own Mom. Right,

Todd?

TODD:

(hopelessly confused)

Uh, I don't...I never..I never had

sex with...Never.

WICHITA BOY ONE (ERIC) ]

Figures. Can you believe that? Todd's ]

never had sex with his mother.... ]

]

Biting their lips to keep from cracking up, the Wichita cabin ]

boys shake their heads in mock-disappointment. The head- ]

setted Oberon swings before the table to wail directly at ]

the viewer. ]

]

OBERON ]

Headbands! Now! Move it! ]

]

The entire camp, in military unison, put on alternately ]

colored headbands, then march toward the exits. ]

EXT. IMAGES AROUND THE ARCHERY RANGE--DAY ]

]

A nightmarish blast of images from the same location. In ]

operatic slow-motion, a line of campers/players crash to ]

the ground in a brutal sack race. ]

]

A DARLING RED TEAM GIRL viciously clotheslines a DARLING ]

GREEN TEAM GIRL to the ground. ]

]

Talia tries to tie the legs of a crying boy camper and a ]

crying girl camper together for a three-legged race. ]

]

With a deftly extended leg, Adam non-chalantly trips a ]

dashing PLAYER OF ANOTHER COLOR into a vivid crash. ]

]

Donald awkwardly changes the numbers on a humungous, ]

hilariously complicated homemade scoreboard. ]

]

A blast of camper-boys hustle side-by-side holding out ]

perforated cups spewing streams of water. ]

AT THE FINISH LINE OF THE HOLE-IN-THE-CUP RACE ]

]

The counselors are lazily huddled, barely noticing the ]

gasping campers barreling right at them. Wichita opens his ]

mouth to speak to Talia, but she violently turns away toward ]

the race. Wichita turns to his side to Wendy, who opens ]

her mouth to speak...just as an ALL-AMERICAN GOLDEN BOY, ]

RYAN, crosses the finish line before them. ]

]

RYAN THE ALL-AMERICAN BOY ]

I did it! Did you see that Wendy! First ]

place in the hole-in-the-cup race! ]

]

WENDY ]

That's really nifty, Ryan, but ]

remember winning is not what it's ]

all about. The main thing is to have ]

fun with friends and... ]

]

ADAM ]

(slapping Ryan's back) ]

Wendy, are you insane? He won! You ]

don't have to say "Winning isn't ]

everything" to someone who just won! ]

]

Wichita, tongue-in-cheek tough, confronts the Wichita-like ]

camper ERIC, who is tossing his cup away. ]

]

WICHITA ]

No water left? Damn you to hell. You ]

let down the blue team! ]

]

ERIC ]

(comforted chuckle) ]

I figure a certain number of good ]

things happen to you in your life. ]

I don't want to waste one on a hole- ]

in-the-cup race. ]

]

WICHITA ]

Eric, the day you stop taking all ]

that Nike-Highfive-Gatorade bullshit ]

seriously is a very good day ]

indeed... ]

]

OBERON ]

Rewind. The day you stop caring about ]

Victory is the day you've lost ]

forever. Why do you think little ]

Johnny here came to camp in the first ]

place! To Go For It! To clench his ]

fist and say "Yes!" ]

]

During Oberon's rant, A DEER WALKS ACROSS THE B.G., ]

SHAMEFULLY UNNOTICED. ]

]

WICHITA ]

His name's Eric. ]

]

ADAM ]

No wonder blue team is mired in ]

fourth place. You got no leadership ]

skills, Wichita. ]

]

WICHITA ]

(dry) ]

You take that back. ]

]

WENDY ]

My God, everything is just... ]

]

WICHITA ]

"one big joke to you, isn't it?" ]

Not everything, Wendy. ]

]

Wendy quivers. Oberon shakes his head and flicks on his ]

megaphone/headset. ]

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