Happy Campers Page #9

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INT. THE MESS HALL--DAY

The entire camp is belting out a Song in somewhat chilling

unison, clapping hands and stomping feet. They are being

commandeered by Wendy, who stands on a chair at the front

of the cafeteria.

THE CAMP AND NOTABLY WENDY

Mama don't want no handclapping round

here...Mama, don't want any foot-

stomping round here!

Talia vibrates in hangovered terror at all the varied noise.

Finishing up, Wendy, whooping everyone up into a round of ]

self-congratulatory applause, bends to a table of young ]

camper girls and points to Talia. ]

]

WENDY ]

What do we say to Talia, everyone? ]

]

EVERYONE AT TABLE ]

Howdy Pouty! ]

]

WENDY ]

That's what we say to people who pout! ]

]

With a shudder, Talia bolts away...past Wichita's table. ]

]

He gulps as she blasts out the mess hall door. Wichita then ]

sighs forward to take in some painful blubbering from "Don't ]

touch me" Todd. ]

]

DON'T TOUCH ME TODD ]

And then those Twins touched me! Twice ]

each! You're supposed to protect me! ]

It's your job! ]

]

WICHITA ]

Yes, Todd. ]

]

Across from Wichita, Jasper holds in a laugh. ]

Behind Jasper, Pixel marches to her table of girls; all are

wearing crazed, homemade, Tie-die shirts. As she sits, Pixel

notices Adam moving through the cafeteria, smittenly staring

at her. He grins and waves. With complete confusion, Pixel

counters with a dazed wave back to her despised nemesis.

ADAM ]

]

turns from Pixel and reaches his table, going back into ]

brutal counselor mode. ]

]

ADAM ]

Freeze! ]

]

Everyone at his table turns immediately into statues. One ]

Boy breaks to scratch his nose. The others joyously unstiffen ]

to pound the loser's arm. ]

OBERON:

bulldozes into the Mess Hall, piercing a whistle through

his megaphone head-set. Everyone straightens into Triumph-

of-the-Will symmetry. Oberon does an Indian hand-raise.

OBERON:

How, campers...

EVERYONE:

(in fear)

How, Big Chief Oberon...

OBERON:

Better. You're getting better.

Inspection results. Cabin Four. Dead

fly. 24 hour Playstation

confiscation.

Donald's cabin moans.

OBERON:

And it looks like Cabin One has a

bedwetter. I don't want to embarrass

anyone but his initials are Ted

Jackson.

Adam's table roars in vicious glee at an unsmiling older

camper, BEDWETTER TED, sitting among them. Revealing a

flicker of actual feeling, Adam acts swiftly.

ADAM ]

Freeze. ]

]

The boys cut off their teasing to become statues. One Boy ]

is pouring juice, remaining motionless. It overflows. ]

OBERON:

bounds atop the chair at the front of the cafeteria. Wendy

hefts the cardboard-timetable-easel display behind him and

begins pointing to it in precious Carol Merrill fashion.

OBERON:

Thank you, Wendy. Listen up! Red and

blue teams will report to the archery

range for...

BY WICHITA'S TABLE ]

]

Wichita, Jasper, and Donald have vaguely clumped their chairs ]

together to take in the Oberon/Wendy show. ]

]

JASPER ]

Who's more terrifying? Big Chief ]

Oberon or Little Wendy? ]

]

DONALD ]

(sudden reverie) ]

Oh, come on, Wendy is...she's, she's ]

a ray of sunshine... ]

]

WICHITA ]

Yeah, don't look directly at it or ]

you'll go blind...Honestly though, ]

I'd like to think nobody's seen the ]

real Wendy yet. Including Wendy. ]

]

DONALD AND JASPER ]

Oooh... ]

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