Happy Campers Page #8

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TALIA:

Are we allowed to start hating

"Wendy" yet..."Gee Wichita, I guess

mosquitoes have always liked me."

PIXEL:

You and Wichita go to school

together, right? Have you two ever...

TALIA:

That would be a No.

PIXEL:

That wants to be a Yes.

Talia gives off a "You got me" snort/laugh as the campers

finish up and fall into line.

TALIA:

I don't know what I'm doing. I know

he only likes me as a friend. He's

just so...everything--I know he only

likes me as a--but it came up that

he used to be a camp counselor and

I used to be a camp counselor...

PIXEL:

Get him alone for the summer. Out

in the wilderness. Underneath the

stars...

EXT. OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM--NIGHT

Leading the campers from the bathroom, Talia and Pixel swing

their flashlights to an EVER-LOVELORN CAMPER GIRL, AMBER,

and a CUTE CAMPER BOY kissing at the edge of the woods. They

break off and run away. The counselors are at a loss as the

other campers "ooh."

TALIA:

Am-ber! Uh...don't do that.

PIXEL:

"or you're going to get it?" Wow,

first week of camp. Promise me you

won't try moving so fast with

Wichita.

TALIA:

Don't worry, I have 33 more days

to find just the perfect moment to

tell him how I...

INT. THE MESS HALL--NIGHT

A seemingly unnoticed SOBBING GIRL sits beside Wichita and

an unraveling Talia in the completely empty cafeteria.

TALIA:

...and it hurts too much to keep

these feelings inside me any

longer...

WICHITA:

Talia, you know how important our

friendship is to me and I would

never do anything to...

TALIA:

"...how important our friendship..."

Not that old--Oh God, what have I

done?

WICHITA:

Talia, you're a wonderful person...

TALIA:

Stop, stop, what was I thinking...out

in the wilderness. Under the stars.

I've ruined every--

WICHITA:

I just never thought of you in that...

TALIA:

I gotta...I gotta go do a "bunk

check." Or some f***ing thing.

Talia bolts off, holding in a nervous breakdown. Wichita

heavily sighs, then looks down to the sobbing girl seemingly

for the first time.

WICHITA:

I'm sorry, honey, I completely forgot

why you're crying...

SOBBING GIRL:

Because BLUBBERING GIBBERISH.

WICHITA:

Uh, I see. Gum?

Wichita produces from his pocket a pack of gum. Instantly

unweeping, the girl takes the goods and wraps her arms around

Wichita's neck. He carries her off.

INT. ADAM'S CABIN--NIGHT ]

]

Adam and a select group of his Cabin Boys look upon a ]

sleeping RED-HAlRED CAMPER BOY, dozing upon a top bunk, in ]

pajamas marked NATHAN. ]

]

ADAM ]

Nathan King, the redhead tattletale. ]

Headlights. ]

]

Adam snaps his finger. One Senior Boy clambers up and ]

straddles over Nathan, holding two unlit flashlights. ]

Conductor Adam points at Noisemaking Twins, who make a low, ]

rumbling truck noise. Adam cues some others to begin slowly ]

shaking the bed. ]

]

The truck noise gets louder. The bed quakes. Red-haired ]

victim Nathan stirs. Adam cues the Straddling kid, who turns ]

on both flashlights. ]

]

Nathan's point of view of the lit flashlights, along with ]

the truck noise and the shaking, makes it appear he's about ]

to be hit by the headlights of an oncoming diesel. Nathan ]

shrieks. ]

EXT. CENTER OF THE CAMP--THE NEXT DAY

An echo of the screams die over the image of Wendy warbling

a delightful camp tune as she tugs up a flag with the number

8 on it to the top of the pole.

EXT. BY THE LAKE--DAY

Wichita and Adam are jogging-fierce by the lake.

ADAM:

Can't you just give her a violent

ugly f*** so she won't bother you

anymore...

WICHITA:

Talia is one of my best friends,

Adam, but you know, thanks for

voting...

Wichita and Adam immediately brake to see Pixel do a skinny-

dip dive off the pier. They deadpan blink until, out of a

loudspeaker on a nearby tree, the shrill sound of revelry

fills the air. Pixel cuts off her mermaid-cavorting and the

guys hit the dirt.

ADAM:

Talk about flipping the script. That

creepy, bitchy waif in actuality

is a hot, sexy, little piece of...

INT. OBERON'S OFFICE--DAY

Oberon punches a cassette player button comically cutting

off the revelry right in the middle. He snarls into his head-

set, making a commandant pace of his pristine office with

its guidebookshelf and its huge cardboard timetable display.

OBERON:

Rise! Shine! Now! Are you ready for

Week 2? The timetables are going to

get tighter and the war is going

to get tougher. At Camp Bleeding

Squaw, Immaturity is not an option.

Mess Hall. Nine minutes. Move it!

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