Happy Campers Page #7

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BY THE CAMPFIRE:

Jasper is patting a coughing camper on the back, handing ]

him water. Oberon cuts before the image, getting very spooky. ]

OBERON:

...and on Parent's Day, the campers

rushed from their cabins to see the

corpses of their slaughtered parents

nailed to the picnic tables...

THE CAMPERS:

(weakening)

Oooh.

WENDY:

is scribbling shorthand on her hand, fielding a barrage of

counselor complaints.

WENDY:

Okay, okay, just don't everyone talk

at once...First of all, little Jason

has a learning disability...

DONALD:

Yeah, his lack of intelligence.

Sorry, Wendy, but as learning

disabilities go, stupidity is often

overlooked.

TALIA ]

Which Jason are we talking about? ]

Jason W., Jason T., Jason T. Two? ]

]

PIXEL ]

I got a letter from Grace Pool's ]

parents telling me that they're going ]

to be too busy to write her any letters. ]

]

TALIA ]

Jason, Jared, Justin, Jacob, Jesse, ]

Jaime, Jeremy, Jeffrey, Josh--Jesus ]

Christ, this J sh*t has gotta stop. ]

]

WENDY ]

(scribbling hand) ]

I have a sample of Grace's parents' ]

handwriting on file. I'll forge ]

something up...Adam, I tracked down ]

that special soap for Troy. ]

WICHITA:

Wendy, I think as a counselor, you

suck.

WENDY:

What did you...

ADAM:

That's cold, man.

WICHITA:

Next to "boring," "Sucks" is the

most painfully overused word in the

current English language. I thought

if I could reverse the meaning of

"sucks" so it means something

positive, I don't know...It would

be vaguely revolutionary. It's kind

of my social experiment for the

summer. "Suck" is historically a

nice word-- sno-cones, your

mother's...

WENDY ]

(strangely smitten) ]

So that's one of the pearls from ]

your mysterious journal? And all this ]

time I thought you were restructuring ]

the world's economy. ]

PIXEL:

(looking off)

Ugh, is anybody paying attention

to what Big Chief Oberon is saying...

BY THE CAMPFIRE:

Oberon glowers over the now-completely-traumatized campers.

OBERON:

And as the stench of complete and

utter death rose above the camp,

the birdies began to choke and drop

from the...

WENDY:

(rushing in)

He-ey, what happened to the fire

while I was gone? I think we need

some kindling, campers, and pronto!

On cue, a tide of children spill forward to fling their twigs ]

into the already too-frightening fire. Donald rips open a ]

bag of marshmallows and pokes them on to his campers' twigs. ]

]

A MOVING OFF CAMPER ]

Thanks, Retarded Marshmallow Head. ]

]

DONALD ]

You're welcome...Hey, what did you ]

just call me...Who told...Hey! ]

Turning from the youngsters, Wendy incongruously loses her

smile, staring down to her hand's insane shorthand. One can

almost feel the buzzing in her brain. Suddenly, a marshmallow

she is lazily roasting bursts into flame. She quickly blows

it out...then slowly, spookily squeezes the burnt marshmallow

into her scribbled hand, taking the pain.

Wichita scans to this strange image. He quickly snatches

up a blanket and a canteen. He bounds to Wendy and swathes

her paw as they speak.

WICHITA:

What in the hell did you do that for?

WENDY:

("I don't know" shrug)

I-unno...Don't worry, I had

everything on the hand memorized.

WICHITA:

That's not what I was worried about.

On the other side of the campfire, Talia squints the flames

to see Wichita comforting Wendy. She gulps.

INT. MAIN BATHROOM AREA--NIGHT

Talia and Pixel are leaned against a sink as girls giddily

slide about them ostensibly washing up.

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