Happy Campers Page #4

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ADAM ]

This cabin needs to be a tight unit ]

of pure strength. You don't need ]

courage when you have no fear... ]

]

BOLD TWELVE YEAR OLD LOUDMOUTH ]

Man, you're such a cliche. ]

]

Adam brakes. So do the rest of the campers. Adam calmly turns ]

to the loudmouth and smiles. ]

SMOOTH NARRATOR (V.O.)

Like any good fascist, Adam truly

believed his brand of counseling

was not sinister, but rather for

the camper's own good.

EXT. YET ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST--FAST FORWARD DAY ]

]

Boy and Girl Campers are laughing at a tree. The viewer spins ]

around the bark to see that the Loudmouth Kid has been nailed ]

high on the tree by his underwear in the most painfully ]

graphic wedgie of all time. ]

EXT. BACK TO THE BACK OF THE BUS--PRESENT DAY

Adam whips another pack into a QUIVERING BOY's chest. The ]

kid wobbles back, but keeps hold. ]

]

ADAM ]

Excellent! Now that's the focus I ]

want to see this summer! Next! ]

]

Wichita drifts by the bus, oblivious to the sight of another ]

hapless kid being slammed to the dirt by swooshing luggage. ]

Wichita stops at the tangle of the still-clutching-the-bus

Crying Boy and a struggling-to-remove-him counselor, the

sensitive but subversive JASPER.

WICHITA:

Cinnamon or spearmint or both?

The Crying Kid devolcanoes into a sniffle to clasp a gum

stick magically appearing out of Wichita's hand. Wichita

gently pushes the boy off and points.

WICHITA:

Go stand by the flagpole.

JASPER:

Sorry about all that...I'm your CIT--

Jasper.

WICHITA:

When all else fails, Jasper--Gum.

Even now in these troubled times, ]

every child's drug of choice. ]

Wichita struts off. The relaxed Jasper's eyes follow him

along with a subversively admiring smolder.

SMOOTH NARRATOR (V.O.)

Jasper was seemingly shy, but

actually sly. A lot more than met

the eye.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF MESS HALL--FUTURE NIGHT ]

]

Fighting back tears, a LIP-BITING, HEAD-DOWN MALE CAMPER ]

HANGS UP a pay phone. He turns to Jasper, who calms him with ]

a soothing tone. Head rising, the boy departs. Jasper then ]

turns into a hug from a WEEPING GIRL hanging up another pay ]

phone. ]

SMOOTH NARRATOR (V.O.)

Jasper was the sensitive counselor,

the one the campers seeked out to

discuss the biggies. He had an

uncanny ability to notice pain and

get it in the open. "In the open"

was Jasper's favorite place to be.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE GIRLS' CABINS--FUTURE NIGHT

Jasper, along with Wichita and Donald, continue the

Sleepwalker girl search party.

DONALD:

I mean, how far could she have..

JASPER:

I'm gay. I could tell people were

getting this "sexually confused"

vibe from me. I'm not. I'm straight-

up fairy...but don't freak out, I'm

not attracted to either of you...

WICHITA ]

(a smile) ]

There's no reason to be rude... ]

DONALD:

Well. Gay. Gay's great. I mean, I'm

not, you know, but hey, if you, I

mean--

Suddenly, the Sleepwalk Girl collides into the babbling

Donald causing him to screech.

EXT. THE CENTER OF CAMP--PRESENT DAY

Breaking his concentration, Pixel puts a band-aid on Jasper's

arm, then whisks forward to stick a SERIOUSLY TROUBLED BOY,

who immediately explodes into tearful shrieks. Jasper cringes

at the renewed noise pollution.

SERIOUSLY TROUBLED BOY

She touched me! She touched me!

WICHITA:

(shouting back)

Meet Todd! From our cabin!

Jasper laughs. Pixel, meanwhile, flees from the scene of

the crime to a new area where she resumes her mysterious

band-aid sticking.

SMOOTH NARRATOR (V.O.)

The gung-ho cute counselor...The

hard-ass control freak...the

sensitive gay counselor...and then

there were those who could not be

glibly categorized. To name

one...Pixel.

INT. THE MESS HALL--FUTURE RAINY NIGHT

A BOOMBOX POUNDS a sultry TECHNO tune. Pixel and the girls

of the camp have taken shelter in a cafeteria with rain

battering about outside. A line of girls of different sizes

and ages are grinding to the music, unbuttoning their jeans.

The other girls are cheering their heads off, throwing

quarters at their feet.

PIXEL:

Come on, this isn't the hokey-pokey,

a-che the body...that's it...Let's

hear some noise out there! The ladies

dance for tips and tips only!

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