Happy Endings Page #5

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Yeah. But let me tell you why.

- Breakfast?

- No, thanks.

Thought you were out

in the pool house.

Why?

Otis, it's OK if you want

to spend the night with Jude.

It's fine.

You're not a teenager anymore.

- She get settled in all right?

- She's moving out.

What?

We broke up.

I mean, I broke up with her.

She's moving back

to her cousin's...

and she might not even be

in the band anymore.

- I don't know.

- What happened?

She lied to me about her age.

She's not 24, she's 29.

She's too old.

- She's 29?

- Yeah, for another month.

I don't want to date a 30-year-old.

I'm 22. You know?

I could be in college.

Why would she lie about her age?

I just assumed.

I don't know. Anyway, she...

she wants to use the pool today.

I said it was OK.

Her cousin's at work,

and she gave back her key.

Well, I'm sorry things

turned out this way.

I'm going over to Alvin's.

In the Lexus.

Sure, sure.

Sure, whatever.

Hey.

Oh, hey, Mr. McKee.

No, Frank.

Listen...

I hear things are a little tricky.

Yeah.

Thanks for the pool house thing

and all.

I don't think it's going to work out.

You know, I'd really hate

to see you leave the band.

They really need you.

Well, it's kind of up to Otis.

I could talk to him.

I mean, every woman lies

about her age a little bit.

That's what he told you

it was about?

Man, it's not that.

He's got someone else.

Lane.

Lane? That's a girl's name?

He didn't tell you

anything about her?

You don't know your son

very well, do you?

Well, I don't think

you should leave.

I insist you stay.

I'm going to talk to Otis...

'cause that's no way to treat

somebody you care about.

I wish he was more like you.

Well, he's young, and maybe

I could have done a better job.

But I was a kid

when I had him, practically.

Do you know what?

You remind me

of the first boy I dated.

Hardly a boy.

Now you're lying.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's why

I've been behaving so weird lately.

You know. We both have.

I just... l...

I can't even believe this.

I can't believe

we're having this conversation.

All right.

So... what kind of disease?

He won't say, you know? He...

It's neurological, he told me that.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. Hereditary.

All the males in his family

have to be tested for it.

Do you... I mean,

what's the name of it?

It's not MS, I know that.

Well, is it like MS?

Well, it's... I don't know.

Are you forgetting the name of it?

He didn't want me to interfere,

you know?

He just thought I would be,

you know...

that I would be on the internet...

and I'd be talking to doctors

and nagging him.

Like I'm that guy, you know.

I'm not that guy.

All right. What are the symptoms?

Do you know the symptoms?

Yeah. Did you know

Gil's grandfather...

when you were

at high school together?

No. I don't think so.

I don't... I don't even remember Gil

talking about him or mentioning him.

Well, I'm not surprised.

It's pretty debilitating.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Hey, it's not fatal.

- It's OK.

- It's not?

No, no, no. It's just untreatable.

Yeah.

All right. So, when...

I mean, what do we do?

Pam, you mustn't say that we...

You can't tell him we spoke.

Oh, God. All right. I mean, l...

Yeah.

He would kill me

if he knew we'd spoken.

- Oh, my God. Max!

- Max?

I've got to go pick him up.

I gotta get myself together.

- That's the one comfort we have.

- What?

You know, that you guys

couldn't get pregnant...

with Gil's, you know.

Like your body knew somehow.

Just said... not allowed.

I gotta go. I gotta go. Sorry.

Hey, Pam,

I think it's going to be OK.

I gotta say, man, I'm glad

she's not here for first day...

'cause she's, like, opinionated.

All right.

What did you do

to your face, man?

- What do you mean?

- You got a fake moustache on.

Oh, yeah. You like it?

It's so my clients don't notice me,

you know?

It's a little make-up, too,

that Mamie has.

Mamie's white, OK?

You look like a scared Mexican.

Like, down at the border

on the news.

Hey, come on.

That's my face up there, OK?

It's gonna look good

through the camera.

- Just shoot.

- It's cool, man.

I don't know how

it's gonna read. I guess...

- Come on. I gotta go.

- Well, it looks all right.

OK. We're rolling, we're rolling.

Came up with a list of questions

that, you know...

everybody who's ever gotten

a massage, I'm sure, wants to know.

Have you had a massage, ever?

Yeah, I have.

Actually, let's start with that.

What do you do

when somebody lets one out...

while you're massaging them?

Do you just keep going?

Is that what the incense is for?

Take me through that.

You farted today inside.

- No.

- You said it was her!

- Cut!

- You know something?

Women don't fart like that,

my friend.

Do me a favor?

Take a picture of me.

I forgot, I wanted to do it before.

So we'll get back to this.

Ready?

Your fly's open.

Good.

Here we go. What's it like...

when some woman

you're massaging lets one out?

OK, they're cooked

all the way now.

I didn't know. I like 'em pink.

OK. Maybe we have five minutes,

in a montage...

with music covering the stupidity.

- We shot for two hours.

- Yeah, and it's garbage.

Nicky, who cares who invented

that donut that people put their face in?

It's called a cradle, OK?

A face cradle,

and I think it's interesting.

And farts?

And who pays for the lotion?

And, so, OK,

how do people tip you?

Because they're naked,

so where's the wallet?

That's neat, OK?

The little envelopes at the front desk?

I didn't know that.

All right. Do you want

to get into film school?

- Yeah.

- Because I don't care.

I just have to help you

make a documentary.

As good as the one

you're not letting me make.

No. No. Just a documentary.

If you want a stupid interview...

that you could see

on the local news, fine.

But if you want this to be good...

if you want people

to care about him...

you have to have a point of view.

I have a point of view!

This guy has it made,

and I care...

because I want to see him

get all these ladies off.

- That's your reasoning?

- Yes!

Oh, OK. All right.

Well, I'm relieved.

What does that mean?

It means someone smart

would be harder to please.

But if you're stupid,

hey, just makes my job easier.

What did you just call me?

Forget it. It's OK.

You know,

you say "stupid" too much.

I just mean, I think

you're better than this...

or you could be.

Yeah, well I think that goes

for everybody...

from what I can see

from right here.

Anyway, the makeup blows.

I'll give you that.

It's no fun thinking of him

nailing all these women...

if he might be a homo,

but that's just me.

That's my beer.

Sorry.

It's OK.

OK. All right.

It's gonna be OK.

All right,

well, it's gonna be good.

We'll just go through it again.

I got two hours of footage.

Yeah.

Will you do me a favor,

for my sanity?

Will you just say to me...

Please just say to me right now...

five minutes was an overestimation.

Jesus Christ.

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