Happy Tears Page #3

He likes to call him that

because Laurent enjoys

cooking and gardening.

And because he waves

his hands around like a f*ggot.

But he's not.

Not at all.

He's a masseur.

Wow.

Well, it's good to have

all my girls around...

together.

l'm going to go to work.

Bye, baby.

Love you.

She's had two kids,

but she's still real tight.

Joe.

Can't even use this.

Hey, you forgot something.

You'll be needing that,

right? For work.

l'm a king bee

That's good.

Be my queen bee

Be my queen

Queen bee

Be my queen

l'm a king bee

And l'm buzzing around your hive

l'll put you back, baby

lf you let me come inside

Yeah.

Jackson's coming.

Here?

Yeah.

Good. Good for him.

Can buzz all night long

Oh, my God. We can't sell the house.

The buried treasure.

Please, you're killing me.

Why?

There is no treasure.

- Daddy-

- Stop.

Stop idealizing this man.

Daddy.

Daddy!

king...

You know the treasure?

The buried treasure?

Quiet, pumpkin.

Where did you bury it?

You know where.

But where? Exactly where?

What are you, the FBl?

lt's gold.

Some temple treasure.

How many times have you

seen this clunker?

Death, the eternal punishment...

for anyone who opens this casket.

ln the name of Amon-Ra,

the king of the gods.

Good heavens, what a terrible curse.

Well, let's see what's inside.

Wait. You'll break the curse.

We recognize your mastery

of the occult sciences, Miller...

So sad she never got to go there.

Anywhere.

Mallory. What a sweetie.

But she'd die of fright on an airplane.

l don't think so.

She talked a good game,

but she'd never go.

She had her little cowboy, didn't she?

Yeah.

Wear this around your neck.

Want me to turn the TV om

and go to bed?

No, l'll wait up for your mother.

Death, in the name of Amon-Ra,

the king of the gods.

$75, $175,,

$2,300.

Oh, Daddy.

Hello.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, God. You scared

the sh*t out of me, girl.

lt's 4:
30 in the morning.

You got a big problem with me,

don't you?

Yeah, you bet l do, girl.

You're using my father.

That's right. Yeah.

Well, it's not nice.

l like your father.

He is a total freak.

What are you after?

What do you think l'm after?

Money.

And a place to live.

Yeah.

Same as everyone else.

Only you're stealing it.

Here. Look. Right here.

Stop waving that in my face.

lt is a forged check, addressed-

written out to the order

of Shelly Poppy for $20.

Well, these others are for more.

Okay, great.

So l ask your father for money.

Yeah, and sometimes he gives it to me.

Yeah. Then sometimes he doesn't.

Well, this money belongs

to my husband and me,

and we don't like getting ripped om.

Tea?

Anyway, we're gonna take Joe away.

He's gonna come live with us.

Right.

Can l live here?

You've got balls, but no.

We have to sell the house.

Until you sell the house.

Where are your children?

With their father?

Foster care?

l don't have any children.

Wait. My daddy said that you...

l don't, either.

You got time, honey.

You have one anyway.

You're not really a nurse, are you?

You have a headache?

Yeah.

Give me your hand.

Breathe.

l'm afraid my husband's

Iosing his mind.

You better commit him.

Feel better?

Wait a second.

- What's going on?

- l'm dealing with Shelly. Go back to sleep.

- Oh, sh*t. Don't get her mad.

- Just go back to sleep.

l'm serious. Do what you want,

but wait till after l leave.

- She's a crackhead, Jayne.

- You don't know that.

Hey, miracle worker.

l don't know what you did,

but she's gone.

l just hope she doesn't come back

and try to burn the house down.

At least while l'm still here.

Good morning, pumpkin.

Do you know where she went?

Who?

Your girlfriend.

She went to work, l guess.

You know what l'd like?

You know what you haven't

made me for a long time?

Something that would go down

real easy this morning.

A big stack

of silver-dollar pancakes.

You gonna behave for Jayne

after l leave?

Oh, you bet. She's a hell of a cook.

You know, your sister over there-

she wants to put me

in an old people's warehouse.

- No, she doesn't, Daddy.

- Yeah, Jayne.

Yes, l do.

l actually think it's a fantastic idea,

but your darling here

is gonna take you back to live with her.

California?

Me and Jackson-

l'll never set foot in that state again,

so living there is out of the question.

Well, it's not safe for you

to live alone anymore.

Girls,

l've got my own private nurse.

Now, what the hell

you think that is, an accident?

She's not a nurse, Daddy.

Bullshit.

Anyway, she's gone. Didn't you see?

l see a woman who knows

a good thing when she gets it.

So why the hell should she leave?

Because besides being a fraud,

a crackhead,

and a check forger,

she's also a jewel thief.

She stole Mommy's opal pendant.

Who says l didn't give it to her?

l do.

Why?

For services rendered.

Why are you doing this, Joe?

l made that money with these hands.

l bought it,

and l give it to

your sweet, dear mother,

but she's gone.

And who says l can't give it to Shelly

or any other woman if l want to?

That was the one thing...

That was the one thing

that really meant something to me.

You're so...

Nothing means anything to you.

Don't. It's not even worth it.

l mean you, too!

Are you with us or against us?

This is all for you girls after l'm gone.

Against us.

This is really a waste of time.

lt's on! l got it! Hurry up.

lt's buzzing. Got the buzz.

Whack it.

- Watch out.

- Do it. Hoe it up.

- Harder. Whack it.

- l am-

Come on!

That's it. Deeper.

You know what?

Get on the floor and use your hands.

Use your hands!

lt's cold. Why am l the one

who's doing this?

Here. Here.

Fine. You be my guest.

Give it.

Dig. Dig away.

Dig, dig, dig.

Nothing.

lt's a pull tab.

Come here.

False alarm.

Okay. Go over there.

Move it.

Oh, wait. It's hot.

All right. It's... It's happening.

l've got a little buzz.

- Go back.

- A buzz.

Come on.

l've been enjoying beer

out here since 1974.

You're not giving up

so easy, are you?

Come on.

Unbelievable.

How are we gonna sell

the house now? Look at this mess.

Why don't you go make sure

Daddy's still asleep?

Don't tell me what to do.

Hey, hey, we got something

here! Hold on a sec!

What is it?

Just open the box.

Here.

Looks like a letter.

Mitch, you murderer!

You Judas!

No, Daddy. We found it.

You've been vindicated!

- Want me to read it?

- Laura Deacks, how does it feel-

- l'm gonna read this.

- ...to have been wrong all your life?

- ''This treasure is buried here-

- Little Miss Know-lt-All-

...to take care of my

daughters when l'm gone.''

- How does it feel? Whoo! Daddy!

- ''My two precious daughters.

''Death and eternal punishment

to anyone who open this casket.

ln the name of Amon-Ra,

king of the gods.''

Good one, Dad.

Open her up, kid.

Open her up, kid.

Open her up.

What?

- Oh, geez.

- It's empty, right?

ls it a lot?

Go ahead.

Joe!

Let's get going.

Joe, let's go.

l cannot miss this flight.

l'm not leaving this damn house!

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