Happy Valley Page #4

Season #2 Episode #2

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ANN’s heading up the stairs along with SHAF, SLEDGE and

GORKEM TEKELI. They’re carrying take-away lunch bags from a

local cafe and having a bit of a hush hush conversation

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE TWO. GREEN SCRIPT. 15.

SHAF:

You’re joking.

(SLEDGE:
nope)

Sarg?

SLEDGE:
yup.

ANN:

How d’you know?

SLEDGE:

Gorkem read it on t’box just before

it got classified.

GORKEM:

She’s been questioned ‘cos she left

threatening messages on Lynn

Dewhurst’s answer machine days

before she died.

SLEDGE:

That’ll be why she’s not been out

on the house-to-house. She can’t be

doing anything connected to

t’murder inquiry.

SHAF ANN:

That’s mad. It’s stupid.

SLEDGE (CONT’D)

Yeah, but is it? Lynn Dewhurst.

SHAF:

So... what? She strangled her and

stuck a broken bottle up her ff...

andangle?

SLEDGE:

I’m not saying she did it. I’m just

saying they questioned her like...

over a week ago, and she still

isn’t being given any duties on the

job.

GORKEM:

That’s how come she were the only

one off on that raid yesterday wi’

t’trafficking unit.

ANN:

What raid?

They head into the report room, we go with them

CUT TO:

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE TWO. GREEN SCRIPT. 16.

11 INT. NORLAND ROAD POLICE STATION, REPORT ROOM. DAY 5. 11

12.31

SLEDGE:

Yesterday! She tasered a bloke.

CATHERINE’s loitering/chatting with some of her PCs (sitting

at their terminals) and JOYCE as SHAF, ANN, SLEDGE and GORKEM

head in.

SHAF:

(happy)

Seriously?

SLEDGE:

You people need to get your ears

glued to t’ground better.

SHAF gives CATHERINE a bag with a bacon butty in.

SHAF:

You tasered a bloke, Sarg?

CATHERINE:

(excited)

Food!

(less excited)

I did, yeah. How much do I owe you?

SHAF:

Two pound twenny five. What did it

feel like?

CATHERINE:

(she considers)

Good. Given that one minute there’s

this eighteen stone bloke coming at

you with a baseball bat, and the

next he’s flat on the floor

quivering like a fat hairy tattooed

jelly.

We cut swiftly back to yesterday:

CUT TO:

12 INT. HOUSE, PEVERIL LANE. DAY 4. 14.00 12

A big mid-Victorian terrace house (a house similar in size

and grottiness to the one we used for Milton Avenue last

year). Both the front door and the back door are forcibly

opened simultaneously, seven OFFICERS pile in at the front of

the house, seven at the rear.

OFFICERS with each team shout: Policija! Policija!

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE TWO. GREEN SCRIPT. 17.

The six OFFICERS plus a SERGEANT who came in through the

front door race up the stairs to secure the upstairs rooms.

The six OFFICERS plus CATHERINE who came through the rear

door head into the downstairs rooms. We go into a couple of

the rooms with them, and find emaciated, terrified Croatian

women, sitting on dirty mattresses on the floor, with poor

bedding. The place is squalid. Other OFFICERS repeat as

calmly as they can amongst the chaos: Molimo biti mirni

(please keep calm). CATHERINE’s line is

CATHERINE:

Mi smo ovdje da vam pomognemo.

We’re here to help you. She repeats it, trying to assure

them. CATHERINE heads out of the room (to go and repeat the

line in the next room) as a UNIFORM who speaks Croatian comes

into the room to speak to the women in more detail. Just as

CATHERINE leaves the room (and she’s on her own because

everyone else is occupied) a huge eighteen-stone BLOKE comes

at her from nowhere (the cellar) with a baseball bat.

BLOKE:

Jebena kurvo!

You f***ing b*tch!

CATHERINE pulls out her taser.

CATHERINE:

Get back! Get back! Drop the bat!

Drop the bat! I’m warning you! I am

warning you! You have been warned!

But the BLOKE keeps coming. She shouts the next bit out to

tell the other OFFICERS to stay out of the way

CATHERINE (CONT’D)

TASER TASER!

She fires at him. It’s the first time she’s done it outside

training, and instead of getting him in the leg (as they’re

supposed to) she accidentally gets him in the balls. Which of

course she finds ever so slightly whimsical.

CATHERINE (CONT’D)

Ooh sh*t.

He flies backwards, drops the bat, smacks his head against

the wall, and slides down onto the floor quivering like a

jelly.

CUT TO:

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE TWO. GREEN SCRIPT. 18.

13 INT. NORLAND ROAD POLICE STATION, REPORT ROOM. DAY 5. 13

12.32

CATHERINE’s found the HP bottle so she can whack a load of

sauce on her bacon butty as she continues with her merry

anecdote

CATHERINE:

Obviously I was trying to shoot him

in the leg, not in the family

jewels. But. You know. If you’re

gonna wave a base ball bat around

in front of a woman who’s just

completed her taser training,

you’re asking for a bit of

excitement.

Just then, just as CATHERINE’s hitting the HP sauce bottle,

P.C. GORKEM TEKELI takes it upon himself to call from across

the room (with his hand over his mouth, bubbling with mirth,

knowing he’s sailing close to the wind but unable to resist) GORKEM

Ey careful Ann! Sarg’s got a bottle

in her hand, keep yer legs

together!

Someone sniggers (very briefly), but most people go dead

quiet and look embarrassed, JOYCE, murmurs (darkly) “Oooh...”

like that was a very very fine line in the old judgement

department (for ANN as well as for CATHERINE). For CATHERINE

this is the first time she knows they all know she’s been

questioned. She has to quickly make the decision to bite the

bullet and keep smiling.

CATHERINE:

Mr. Tekeli! Perhaps you’d like to

take yourself outside and check the

oil and water in all the patrol

vehicles. Oh sorry, were you in the

middle of your dinner? Bad luck.

Perhaps you’d like to clean your

mouth out while you’re down there.

(the others start jeering

at GORKEM)

Ann. Can you step into my office,

love? I need a word with you.

(GORKEM isn’t shifting: he

assumes CATHERINE’s

joking. ANN heads into

CATHERINE’s office, and

CATHERINE addresses

GORKEM again)

Chop chop.

GORKEM realises she does mean it. He sets off mumbling

something about, “It were only a joke”.

HAPPY VALLEY SERIES TWO. EPISODE TWO. GREEN SCRIPT. 19.

CATHERINE only heads into her office when she’s seen TEKELI

out. We go into CATHERINE’s office with her...

CUT TO:

14

INT. NORLAND ROAD POLICE STATION, CATHERINE’S OFFICE. 14

DAY 5. 12.33

...and ANN follows CATHERINE into the Sergeants’ Office.

ANN:

Nobody in their right mind thinks

you did that.

CATHERINE doesn’t want to dignify that with a response. She

shuts the door behind her and wafts the idea away with a

gesture and a rude noise, and embraces the difficult thing

she has to address next

CATHERINE:

The Home Office are letting Tommy

Lee Royce out for his mother’s

funeral. Which...

(and CATHERINE knows this

is the hard part for ANN.

The sick irony)

is tomorrow. Your F.L.O.’ll be in

touch to tell you all this, but I

heard, so. I thought you ought to

know.

(ANN takes it in)

He’ll be closely guarded, there’ll

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