Happythankyoumoreplease Page #2

Look at the time.

Oh, early meaning late.

- I am so sorry.

- I forgive you. Get in here.

Wait, this is Rasheen.

Oh. Okay.

- Hi, Rasheen. I'm Annie.

- Hi.

You'll explain later?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Oh, how was the meeting?

Okay, we'll talk.

Go get drunk.

None for the kid.

- Man:
Hey, Sam.

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Can I have a cookie?

- Dude, it's a party.

You can have, like, 10 cookies.

Go crazy.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- What the f***?

- Come on. Child.

Rasheen, this is my cousin

Mary Catherine.

We're not really cousins.

Parents... best friends.

Look, he's riveted.

What's going on?

I'm just... you know,

I'm looking after him for a while.

And you thought,

"I know what kids love...

alopecia awareness parties."

Kind of.

How are you?

- Horrible.

- Nice. Where's Charlie?

He's in LA.

He's back tomorrow.

- I like that Charlie.

- So do I. I'm a mess without him.

This is fishy. Why do you have

a small child with you, Sam?

We're going to mingle.

It was great to see you.

I'm calling you tomorrow.

Annie:
Okay, I promise

this won't take long.

It's actually just

an excuse to get drunk

with the people that I love.

So as a little extra dash of fun,

whenever anyone says...

oh I don't know..."follicle,"

we could all drink.

- (laughter)

- Follicle!

(all cheering)

Okay, now the first thing

most people notice about me

is that I am hot.

- Man:
Whoo!

- Yes! That is correct.

I am superhot.

I am also, in addition

to being superdrunk, hairless.

And unlike some of the hot

gay men here, I do not wax.

I have a very awesome

autoimmune disorder

that we're all going

to learn about right now.

The word "alopecia"

comes from the Greek...

- (cell phone ringing)

- (people giggling)

Uh, could everyone please

turn off their cell phones?

- I'm really sorry.

- Annie:
What?

- I am so so so sorry.

- What? That is so rude.

- (thumps)

- (laughter)

I need a drink.

Follicle.

Crowd:
Whoo!

- Hey.

- Charlie:
Oh my God, baby,

I wish you were here

with me right now.

I got Dave's jeep

and I'm driving on the PCH

and the sun is about to set.

It is f***ing unbelievable!

- How's Dave doing?

- Dave is amazing!

You know I haven't encountered

a single mosquito since I've been here?

It's like a no-mosquito zone.

They're outlawed or something.

Charlie, come home right now.

I miss you.

Huh? Oh, baby,

you're breaking up.

Charlie? Charlie?

Annie:

No, one more fun fact.

- Wait, is everyone having fun?

- Crowd:
Yeah! Whoo!

...how much things cost.

- Every time.

- Hey, thanks.

- Bye. Thanks for coming.

- Great party.

- Both:
Mwah!

I never noticed

you didn't have hair.

- Really? I never mentioned it?

- No.

- Love you.

- Love you too.

#Remind me again

just what you were saying #

#When you walked in the room

when the music was playing #

#When I was lost too #

#But in my own thoughts

and I could not find you #

#Tell me your story,

I'm listening this time #

- # I can get us some glasses... #

- Thanks.

#And a bottle of wine #

#We can sit on the carpet #

#Sit on the table

or sit on the moon #

#You can reach for my hand,

you can say what you like #

#Or just what you can't stand #

- # Be a boy or a little old man... #

- (sighs)

#Be what you want,

even nothing... #

- Say cheese.

- (camera shutter clicks)

Ah.

(laughs)

Don't worry.

I'll destroy that.

Here, let me try this.

(grunts)

There.

Did you have a rough night?

I got a question.

Um... why aren't we better friends?

Um, I wasn't aware

we were friends.

Oh, I... I think we would

get along really well.

Well...

my best friend's name

is Sam, Sam.

I mean, seriously,

how many Sams

can a girl have in her life?

Well, you can call me Sam 2.

(laughs)

Sounds like a sequel.

(dramatic voice)

"In a world of Sams,

Sam 2 is so much better."

Oh, that was cheesy.

May I?

Help me out with

something here, Sam #2.

- You work in legal, right?

- Yes, I do. Yes.

- Seventh floor.

- Mm-hmm.

Why are you always

lurking around down here?

Oh, come on, everybody knows

the party's on five.

Philanthropic giving!

Whoohoo!

(laughing)

- Annie:
Oh God.

- Oh.

- Can you...

- (camera shutter clicks)

Oh, that's good.

That was a good one.

- One...

- (camera shutter clicks)

Got it.

(giggles)

Annie:

Oh my God.

Sorry.

Here, sit.

Listen, they're going

to deal with you,

get you back home

or wherever.

If they ask any questions,

um, just tell them you've been

walking around or something.

You know, don't...

don't mention my name.

I don't want to get

in any trouble.

It was nice meeting you.

(faucet running)

So Dave thinks he's going to get

this thing off the ground.

- Mary Catherine: That's great.

- Yeah.

He was the happiest

I've seen him in a long time.

- (faucet stops)

- LA seems to agree with him.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

He says he doesn't

miss New York at all.

I knew he'd bail.

He was always way too much of a wimp

to stay here forever.

- Do you want to know what I want?

- Hmm?

- An omelet.

- Oh, wait. I'm just curious.

Why do you hate

Los Angeles so much?

Because it's the epicenter

of all that is awful.

- Wait.

- Feed me.

Dave told me this awesome thing

about LA. No, listen.

He says the whole town

is like this blank canvas,

and whatever you bring to it...

that's what it is.

It's just this random collection

of neighborhoods where it's always sunny

and it basically reflects

wherever you're at back at you.

So if you're happy, LA is great.

If you're not, LA sucks.

But it has nothing to do

with Los Angeles

because... get this...

there's no such thing.

And?

And that's it.

If you don't feed me soon,

I'm going to eat your face.

Let's go.

Okay, what's going on?

Dave said what?

He wants to partner

with me, 50/50.

But...

we'd have to be out there.

When?

End of the month.

And you want to do it?

What I'm missing, I think,

is a great subject.

Like... like the novel,

that which is new, you know?

Where's my...

what do I draw upon?

- I don't know.

- Exactly.

I mean my great shame

as a writer

is that I'm just this suburban kid

with good parents.

You know,

I was fed, clothed,

carpooled...

hardly Dickensian.

- You know what I'm saying?

- Totally.

I mean you...

with your situation...

(clicks tongue)

That's a gold mine.

You got, like, tons of material

all at the ripe old age

of whatever.

How old are you anyway?

I don't know.

You don't know how old you are?

When's your birthday?

(sighs)

What are you so afraid of?

I'm afraid my brain

is going to melt.

I'm afraid we will never

walk anywhere ever again.

I'm afraid we won't care

about things anymore

except opening

weekend grosses

and Pilates classes.

Yeah, but you know they'd be,

like, the best Pilates classes.

There's no art there.

- That's ridiculous.

- They have no culture.

New York has everything...

the best restaurants,

best theater, museums...

Right, and how many museums

do you go to in an average week?

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