Happythankyoumoreplease Page #3

- I'm just curious.

- That is not the point.

- Yes, that is the point.

- Not the point.

I mean, what good is paying

out the nose to live here

if we never

take advantage of it?

We might as well live somewhere else

and just visit every once in a while

and actually do things.

You know, hit the Met,

take in a Broadway show,

Carnegie Deli.

"Wow, that's a really big sandwich.

- I don't know if I can eat all that."

- I love New York.

You're miserable more than not.

Yes, but that is not

New York's fault.

New York is...

Charlie:
What?

...home.

You're asking me to leave home.

You know this is my job,

don't you?

I have to sit here and write things.

It's... it's not easy

with you staring at me.

Sorry I don't have a television.

What's your thing?

What do you like?

You like art, huh?

You like to draw?

Really?

Here, draw yourself a television.

(folk rock music playing)

#So I have under two minutes

to sing you this song #

#It's quite the challenge actually

because I've loved you so long #

#And I know I'm always writing

so you think I'm good with words #

#But I can hardly express

how I feel #

#'Cause words aren't why

love is real #

#And I don't know why

I love you, I just do #

#There was a message in a bottle

at the bottom of the sea #

#Somebody mistook rock

for paper accidenta-dentally #

#So their letter never made it

to the lover they adore #

#I had to fish it

from the ocean floor #

#And I know you won't believe me,

but I swear to God it's true #

#The letter said "I love you,

but I don't know why I do" #

#That's exactly when it hit me,

that's exactly how I feel #

#'Cause though

my love is real... #

Sam:

Amazing, right?

Annie:
Are you sure

you don't like these

just because they're

a lot of pictures of you?

No.

But I do look

incredibly handsome

in this one.

Look at me.

I'm like a dashing

Russian aristocrat.

Annie:
Oh.

Annie:
What do you think

was going on?

I don't know.

Something bad.

He says he won't go back.

Well, he's supercute.

I say we keep him.

I'm kidding.

We can't keep him.

- Sam, don't keep him.

- I'm not keeping him.

Calm down.

Sorry about the ball.

It's all I got.

(cell phone ringing)

Hello?

Okay.

No, it's not like I didn't

see this one coming.

So that's the last of them, huh?

No, I'm, uh... I'm fine.

Thanks.

- (grunts)

- (leaves rustle)

Charlie:
Did you know that my three

most financially successful years

in New York City

were when I was dealing pot?

You don't need Dave

or some crappy town

to do something great.

- I believe in you.

- Why?

'Cause you're my man.

You're my big, funny,

floppy-haired man.

We don't need to know everything

in advance, okay?

You'll figure out your thing

and we'll have money eventually.

That's how it works.

No, not here.

Not always.

I just want to feel like the crap

I put myself through is...

I don't know.

Woman:
No no, yeah, I did.

I called him yesterday.

I'm just tired.

- Both:
Oh.

- Sorry.

So I'm... I'm generally not

a happy hour kind of guy,

- but I thought you might like...

- Oh, uh, yeah sorry. I can't.

- It's a school night.

- Oh, yeah.

- Bye.

- Okay, bye.

Oh. Two ships, two ships.

- Hey, Beth.

- Hey.

(cell phone chimes)

(door opens, closes)

(rock music playing)

- What?

- What do you mean?

Why did you want

to see me so bad?

I just... does there have

to be a reason?

I don't know.

I still...

Whatever.

It's just been a while.

Have a drink with me.

Please?

(rock music playing)

- She hated me.

- Not true.

- She hated me.

- She didn't hate you.

She just thought

you needed a haircut.

Yeah well, I couldn't have been

nicer to that woman.

I... I brought her flowers.

I even tucked my shirt in.

Wow, shocking that

that didn't win her over.

- Nothing would have.

- I'm her daughter.

She didn't want me to get hurt.

But I guess in fairness, you know,

she was wrong about you.

Oh no, wait.

She was totally right.

- Come on.

- Mothers are always right.

I f***in' hate that.

I can handle your mother

hating me.

I can't stand the thought

that you hate me.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- You're back.

- A man of my word.

- Mississippi.

- Sam.

- M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I?

- Very good.

- How's your little brother?

- Who?

- The kid?

- Oh, good.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

He's good.

Well, it's great that you do that.

You know, you're...

you're really good at your job.

- Am I?

- Yeah, I've been...

I've been watching you

do your thing.

- You're good.

- Wow.

I must be a really good actress

because I f***ing hate my job.

- You're an actress?

- No.

What do you do

when you're not here?

- I sing.

- Sing? Songs?

- Yeah, songs. Cabaret.

- Ah.

- What do you do?

- I write.

- Words?

- Yeah, words.

So you sing.

Are you... you any good?

Well, you come listen

and then tell me.

No, I... I could never

come hear you sing.

- Why not?

- Because I like you.

That makes no sense.

You happy to see me?

I don't know yet.

(Annie laughs)

This is bad.

I have to work in the morning.

- Some people work.

- Hey, I work.

Playing bass in a shitty band

and considering applying

to grad school is not a job.

You think the band is shitty?

Well, you were front row

at every show.

I was your girlfriend.

That, like, contractually obligated me

to be a groupie.

Yeah, but you always...

you just looked like you were

enjoying yourself, that's all.

I was.

I did.

All right, let's do this.

Tell me things.

When, Mississippi,

did you leave Mississippi

and come to New York City?

- When I was 17.

- Oh great.

So you've been here,

what, two years?

- Aw, nice.

- Ooh wait, where's your accent?

Oh, it's here...

(Southern accent)

when I need it.

- Drink this.

- (glass thuds)

Yes, ma'am.

Cheers.

Mm!

What the f***, man?

Why won't you come

hear me sing?

- You really want to know?

- Yeah.

Because I once dated

this girl in college

who desperately wanted

to be an actress.

I mean it was all she talked about.

And I finally went

to see her in this play.

Bad?

So unburdened with talent

it was amazing.

- I mean I had to break up with her.

- Because she was a bad actress?

No, I didn't care

if she was good or not.

It was... she so believed she was good

and it made me feel like,

wow, this girl doesn't

know herself at all.

And I think you're terrific.

I do.

Therefore, I could never

come hear you sing

because it'll change everything

if I learn you can't.

- What if I'm amazing?

- What if you aren't?

- What if you suck as a writer?

- I don't.

Whoa, you are bad news.

Sammy, I'm calling you

because you're my sponsor

and I'm about to fall

off the wagon.

It happens, right?

Don't be mad.

Okay, I'm going to take

your not picking up to mean

that the universe wants me

to f*** up badly right now.

I'll call you tomorrow

and confess.

(sighs)

F***!

What's wrong?

- I got bad news today.

- What?

I'm a f***in' failure.

Aw.

F***, I was impressive once.

I'm telling you,

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