Happythankyoumoreplease Page #7

If you refuse that right,

the court will provide one for you.

Okay okay.

Rasheen, it's going to be fine.

He didn't do anything bad.

(siren wailing)

Hey.

I want you to read

lots of books, okay?

I don't want you

to ever stop drawing.

Just... just keep doing it, okay?

- Promise me.

- I promise.

And I'll come to one

of your art shows in 20 years

and I won't be able

to afford anything, but you'll, like...

you'll, like, sketch something

on a napkin for me

and that'll be

my retirement fund, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

(siren wailing)

Sam? Sam.

#One and one

is through, you know #

#The lily grew #

- # Between the snow... #

- Well...

#I thought you knew

the lily grew #

#I thought you knew,

I thought you know #

#Under cover we read plays #

#Molire,

those were the days #

#Robespierre,

the Reign of Terror #

#No underwear,

no wonder we're afraid #

#My love, what gives? #

Mary Catherine:

I don't want to make you

stay here with me

if you want out.

I want you to be happy,

even if I'm miserable.

I am not going to be the person

who ruins your life

and shackles you to a city

or a woman you don't want.

Oh God. Oh God,

this feels so awful,

like some sort of

grand manipulation

when it should be

a happy thing maybe.

But I'm totally freaked out

and I don't know who else to tell

- and you're my best friend...

- Okay okay. Shh shh.

...in the whole world and...

- Hey hey. Shh.

Will you breathe?

- Please please.

- (gasping)

(deep breaths)

Good.

That's good.

Sit down.

Now tell me what is going on.

I can't.

I'm afraid of what will happen

when it hits the air.

You can say anything to me.

You threw a vase at my head

three years ago

- and I stuck around, didn't I?

- You ducked.

F*** yeah, I ducked.

I have great reflexes.

That's what I'm saying.

I can take it.

Whisper it to me.

I will live wherever you want.

- I'll move to LA.

- I'll stay in New York.

- We can move to Los Angeles.

- We can move to Iceland.

- F*** it. Let's move to Poland.

- (laughs)

Beirut! I don't care.

(kisses)

Did you get my message?

I got 12 of them.

Were there more?

Look, I... I don't know

what else to say.

I don't care that

you weren't there, Sam.

Well, what... what

do you want from me?

I want you to go away!

You're making me sad, okay?

And I want you to leave.

You know how long

we knew each other?

A week.

One week.

I mean we were playing house

and it was fun, but...

I'm sorry about Rasheen,

but what did you expect

was going to happen?

I realized the problem.

You write short stories

and I think you like

living short stories.

But I'm kind of ready

for the novel, you know?

Sam #2:

All right.

Okay, what are we feeling,

red or white?

- Sam?

- Hmm?

We need to talk.

(laughs)

You mean the talk

where you tell me how great I am,

but you can't get involved

and it's not me, it's you,

and you're damaged

and you wish you could and...

(coughs)

I refuse to have that talk.

Now would you like red

or would you like white?

Sam...

look, I... I'm not...

I'm not good for you.

What?

Are you happy?

No, I'm not happy.

I could make you happy.

Seriously, let me love you.

I am totally up to the task.

Actually, I've already started.

- I can't... I can't do this.

- No no no no.

Don't... come on, don't walk out

on this before it even started.

Please.

Look at me.

I get it, okay?

I get it.

I'm not the guy you had in mind.

But what if you don't know

what's best for you?

- And you do?

- I believe I do.

Where did you come from,

Sam #2?

Westchester.

Do you want to know why

I hang out on the fifth floor?

The first time I saw you...

God, I thought, "Wow!

Her... the girl

with the funny headwrap.

I want to be near that girl."

Trust me, I don't

normally talk this way,

but I am gone over you.

- Stop, okay? Shut the f*** up.

- Why? Why?

Just stop, please. Just stop.

Don't say that.

You can hear this.

- Close your eyes.

- What?

I just want you to listen to me.

Humor me, please?

(sighs)

It's not easy to be adored.

You in particular... you have

a tougher time with it than most.

I get that.

But I want you to give it a try.

Think of it as an experiment.

I promise I will be very wonderful

at adoring you, Annie.

It's an area where I think I've got

a great deal of talent.

(chuckles)

You're worth the adoration, Annie.

You're worth it.

And the fact that

you don't believe it

has nothing to do with

whether it's true or not.

It is true for me

and that is all that matters.

(rock music playing)

#I was sleeping in the lilies #

#Or was I up all night? #

#These days it's hard to tell

what's half-asleep from fully alive... #

Charlie:
Wexler!

#We were loving

like a landslide #

#Or were we in a fight? #

This writer that I know

once told me this great thing.

He said every five years

he realizes

what an a**hole he was

five years ago.

Every five years,

like clockwork, he goes,

"Man, I was such an a**hole

five years ago."

So if we accept this,

that means everything

we think and feel

and say now

in five years

will just be embarrassing.

- This conversation?

- The worst.

We're going to hate

this conversation.

- I hate it now.

- We're going to hate it in four years.

(laughs)

(sighs)

Did you play sports

when you were a kid?

Yeah.

You remember "Walk it off"?

No matter what happened, right?

I mean your eyeball could be,

like, hanging out of its socket.

Coach would run over,

scoop you up.

"Eh, you're all right, kid.

Just walk it off."

Yeah.

And I'm sure a few of those times

I was legitimately hurt.

But just having this concept...

walk it off...

as a way to, I don't know,

heal myself... it worked.

I just walked that sh*t off.

I've been feeling lately

I'm maybe more resilient

than I had thought.

But who knows?

Maybe I'll feel differently

in five years.

Who knows?

(phone rings, beeps)

Automated voice:
Hello.

No one is available to take your call.

Please leave a message

after the tone.

(beeps)

All right, I'm guessing

you're there,

but you're sad

and you can't be bothered.

But I have a tale to tell, Samuel,

and you need to hear it.

So listen up.

The scene:
dinner with #2.

Trying to cut him loose.

No such luck.

So get this.

You know how people say

beauty's on the inside?

Well, that's total bullshit.

Beauty is on the outside,

and I love me some beauty.

I mean who doesn't?

But here's the crazy thing,

Sammy boy.

I'm listening to Sam #2.

Listening because he made me

close my eyes... so hot.

And he's making a total case

for me and him to be an item.

And as he's talking,

it's like the molecules on his face

must have

rearranged themselves,

because I open my eyes

and suddenly

I am in front of the most beautiful,

gorgeous man...

like, a total hottie.

And who knew? Sammy 2.

That rhymes.

And you were right, by the way.

It is a strong name.

So here's what I have to say to you

before the damn beep cuts me off.

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