Happythankyoumoreplease Page #6

bliss is your birthright."

And I was like,

"Uh, 45th and Madison?"

(laughs)

And he said, "You have

great potential in this lifetime.

The key to your life is gratitude.

You do not give enough thanks."

And I said,

"Well, how do I do that?"

And he said, "Simple.

Say thank you."

And I said, "Well, when?"

And he said, "All the time.

Right now."

And he said after I say "thank you,"

I should say "more please."

- Wait. "Thank you. More please"?

- Yeah.

That with gratitude the universe

is eternally abundant.

So I've been giving

gratitude a shot.

Thank you.

More please.

Thank you. More please.

Thank you.

More please.

- How crazy am I sounding here?

- Oh, no no no no no.

No, not at all.

Not at all.

Have... have you noticed

a difference?

- No.

- No?

I mean yes, but whatever.

Anyway, what got you

into photography?

Oh, I wouldn't... I wouldn't

call it photography.

What would you call it?

- Well, taking pictures, I guess.

- Okay.

Well, why do you take pictures?

Um, I don't know.

When I... when I see

something I like looking at, I...

I get to keep looking at it.

You shouldn't be flattered

that I came back.

- Why?

- It's a bad sign.

The men I fall for

are horrible and cruel.

And if I'm here,

you must be one of them.

I like having you here.

Well, that's nice.

For the record

I still don't trust you.

- You should trust me.

- Why should I?

Because someone has to.

There was...

there was one time

when I was in the...

in the second grade

and we all got these pictures

of Santa Claus

that, you know,

were left empty and blank

and we were supposed to,

you know, color them in.

And so I colored Santa's clothes

the way I wanted

and my teacher, Mrs. Porter,

she was just...

ugh, she was just this miserable

miserable woman.

She grabbed my paper

off my desk

and she held it up to the class

and she said,

"Samuel here colored

Santa's pants blue.

And we all know

that Santa's pants are red."

And she ripped up the paper,

gave me a new one

and made me start over.

- Mrs. Porter!

- I know.

So I ran home

screaming and crying.

I told my parents what happened.

And my dad... my dad came to school

with me in the morning.

He barged

into the teachers' lounge

and he started screaming

at Mrs. Porter,

"Who says Santa's pants

have to be red?!"

- Yes! Go, Dad!

- Right? That was awesome.

- That was awesome.

- Wow.

And that was like a...

from that point on,

that was like a battle cry

in my house, you know.

(high-pitched)

"Who says Santa's pants have to be red?"

- Yeah, who says?

- I know. I know. I know.

So that was awesome.

But that's my pop.

What about your dad?

How's... what's he like?

- Uh, he's great.

- He's great?

- Yeah, he's the best.

- Mm.

- This is me.

- Ooh.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- This was nice.

- Mm.

- Thank you.

- No, thank you.

More please?

Right.

I'll see you at work.

- See ya.

- See ya.

Dude.

This is really good.

- Sam?

- Yeah?

You're my best friend.

Thanks, man.

You're mine too.

So how can I help you?

Well, I have some questions

about foster care.

Okay. Uh...

Well, I might be interested

in taking someone in

or on or whatever.

- Okay. Are you married?

- No.

- Job?

- Yeah. Well, freelance.

But I should tell you I don't

really know how any of this works,

but I'm interested in taking someone in

who's been in foster care.

He's been staying with me and I think

the situation he was in wasn't great.

Wait, you have this child

with you now?

Yeah.

A child who was in foster care

in the state of New York?

Yeah, but he...

And he's living with you,

yet you're not his legal guardian?

Why is that?

And where is this child right now

while you're sitting here talking to me?

No no no no. No.

I'm sorry.

I'm a writer and I just...

you know, I... I had some questions

about the whole deal.

Mr. Wexler,

is this your current address?

I'm sorry, there's been... it's fine.

Thank you for your time.

Mr. Wexler?

He looks like he should be

making balloon animals

at birthday parties.

Why do I have to be

with balloon animal guy?

You don't have to do anything.

You just... he sounds great, that's all.

I want you to be happy.

And his name's Sam.

Come on, that's a strong name.

And this coming from the guy

who likes his girls

with belly button rings

and the lower back tattoos...

- That is outrageous!

...spending half their lives

- doing spinning classes.

- What?

And I'm sure Alabama is a homely

fat girl with a kickin' personality.

- Mississippi.

- Whatever. Red states.

(laughs)

Sammy,

you said you were going to deal

with the kid thing yesterday.

Everyone's getting worried.

I know. I'm...

I will. It's...

- Hi.

- Sam:
Oh, hey.

Um, Mississippi, Annie.

Annie, the famous Mississippi.

- And I'm not famous?

- Shut up.

- It's so nice to meet you.

- You too.

So, uh, you're from Mississippi?

Yep.

What's that like?

Don't answer that.

I'm just talking

and this is me leaving.

- Okay. Bye.

- Bye.

(mouthing words)

- Oh, hey.

- Hi.

- I didn't see you sit down.

- Yeah, hi.

Mary Catherine:

Do you remember what you said to me

- the first night we kissed?

- Charlie:
No.

I was wearing

this little black cocktail dress.

It was way too fancy

for the bar we were at,

but I thought I could pull it off.

You know, like,

"Oh, this little number?

Just threw this on.

No big deal."

You came and met us.

I was all excited to see you.

And you sat down

next to me at the table.

- You really don't remember this?

- No.

You looked at the dress

and you said,

"Where are you going, prom?"

I'm sorry.

No, it was perfect

because finally here he was...

the guy who wouldn't let me

get away with anything.

I always thought of that

as the moment you came into focus.

Like, oh, there you were.

And now...

it's like you're out of focus

all of a sudden,

ever since you got back...

just fainter and fainter to me.

And I'm...

just sad to see you go,

that's all.

I don't know if I'm going to go.

Yes, you do.

Make sure you get there

kind of early.

I'm going to try

and reserve you a table,

but it gets kind of crowded

and I don't want you to have to stand.

- So get there kind of early.

- We're gonna get there kind of early.

Okay. Are you sure you know

where you're going?

Uh, the city's on a grid,

so yeah, we'll figure it out.

I'm so excited.

I'm kind of excited.

- I'm totally excited.

- We are too.

- Okay. Bye.

- All right, bye.

See you tonight.

Break a leg thing.

- Ah.

- Ah.

What do we say if she's terrible?

Tell her she looked pretty.

That's a great idea, my friend.

We're going to do that.

(police siren chirps,

car approaches)

- Officer:
Sam Wexler?

- Yeah?

Sam:
What... what's...

um, what's going on?

You have the right

to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used

against you in a court of law.

- What's going on?

- You have the right to an attorney.

All right, what's going to happen...

what's going to happen to the kid?

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