Hard Luck Page #4

Oh, you'll send me some of it.

Please, you're cheap.

- I saw you tip the waitress.

- I'm ch...? I'm broke.

Yes. No, you're cheap.

I wouldn't trust you to send me sh*t.

So you wanna go solo? All right, cool.

Then option A...

...de-rig the other briefcase

and break me off some hush money.

Or option B,

I don't know, maybe I could...

...run to the nearest

police station and say:

"I just saw this black man

and he was running with a briefcase...

...because he robbed a bank

and he went that way."

We've got to find a closer place.

Sure. Why don't we just stick them

under the floorboards like Gacy?

Like if they ever came to the house

there wouldn't be enough evidence.

A tape doesn't prove anything.

How does anyone know what's real?

Have you heard of DNA?

You don't think they'd find

a spot of blood somewhere?

We're bonded for life, pretty boy.

- You hungry?

- The diner?

- Oh, let's go get cleaned up.

- Yeah.

- Franklin's here, sir. He's clean.

- Cool.

You finish up with

our friends at Homeland Security.

Okay.

Hey, Frankie!

What's up, player?

- Did you read the paper today?

- No.

Some crazy sh*t, man.

They got an article...

...about high school kids

having oral sex like it ain't nothing.

Like kissing used to be.

You got a daughter, right?

- Yeah.

- How old's your baby?

- She's 14.

- Mine's 13.

Statistically, what the trip is,

it's the white kids from suburbia.

They're more into the oral sex.

Blacks, Latinos, Asians are all f***ing.

But the white kids got them beat,

per capita, on blowj*bs.

You think I'm f***ing with you, huh?

Check it out.

Right there for yourself.

Right under the article

on the dirty cops.

Yeah, another

Rodney King-type sh*t.

They got some knucklehead cops...

...beating up inmates and

taking their jewelry, man.

Now, who wants some pimpy sh*t

like that anyway? Am I right?

But you know how it is, man.

Dirty cops anywhere kind of...

Kind of makes us all

look bad, don't it?

Captain, I can explain.

I'm not an idealist.

I know we put our lives

on the line daily for inadequate pay.

Criminals make more in a month

than we will in a whole damn year.

So the temptation's always gonna

be there to say:

"F*** it. Let me augment

my retirement fund a little bit."

- But you took it to a new level.

- There's a miscommunication.

- That money was used strictly for...

- Motherf***er, please.

You took the money

from the evidence room.

You set up a deal

to buy some contraband.

When the deal goes down,

you bust them.

And you put the money back

before anyone knows the difference.

You sell the contraband

or you keep it.

That sh*t ain't original.

Only difference was,

this time I rigged the money.

And apparently, this time, you lost it.

So why am I out here instead of

an IAD review board?

Like I said...

...dirty cops anywhere

make it hard for all of us.

I'm prepared to offer you an out.

- I'm listening.

- Good. One...

...you write up a report

on the busted sting.

You take the hit on the lost money,

I sign off on it.

Two, I want all those Berettas

put in the evidence room.

I don't want that sh*t on the street.

Three...

...you and your cockroach friends

submit your resignations...

...which I will accept,

effective immediately.

And you will retire

with your pensions intact.

Lastly, Lee.

Detective Lee goes with you

right now.

You hand over

any surveillance tapes...

...audio or visual,

that have Lucky on them.

- Lucky?

- Lucky.

You forget you ever saw his ass.

Lucky's my problem now.

All the tsunamis,

earthquakes, floods.

Man is a virus

and God is finished with us.

Bullshit.

We're the ones raising temperatures

with greenhouse gases, not God.

That's why we got more

category-five hurricanes now.

It's so much bigger than that, babe.

- I'm a serial killer!

- So are we.

- You go trick-or-treating, now.

- Bye.

All right.

If I could get you

the New York fight back...

...would you make a deal with me?

- What's the deal?

If you win, you win.

And if you lose, you quit.

Go sit down, honey.

Order some vegetarian to go

for Eugene. I'm gonna wash up.

In this world of plagues

and killer bird flus...

...you find being

hygienically conscious amusing?

- Hey, you go when you go.

- Look at you.

Always with the fingers in the face.

Spreading germs. It's disgusting.

Eugene was always special.

His father couldn't handle it.

Left before his fifth birthday.

What was I supposed to do?

Wait for Mr. Perfect?

Wait for someone to rescue me

and my son? Life didn't give rebates.

I gotta get some food in me.

I got this low-blood-sugar thing.

All that psychosomatic sh*t.

I don't believe in all of that.

Like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

and all that.

- Hey. I know a guy who died of that.

- Yeah, right.

Nobody's ever died

of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

He couldn't even get out of bed to eat.

It was really sad.

- Must have been a white guy.

- Yeah, so what?

White people got a lot of free time

on their hands.

Black people, we ain't got time

for all that sh*t.

Okay, Dr. Phil,

so, what about Latinos?

Mi madre always said there are

three kinds of people in this world:

People who watch things happen...

...people who complain about

things that happen...

...and people who

make things happen.

I got a lot I wanna do in my life.

I think men just slow you down.

- Where's the bathroom?

- Through there, to the right.

Great. Catch up.

You got the salt and pepper?

Ketchup?

Look at this guy. Look at this guy.

Hey, hey!

Stay right there.

Good afternoon.

- You trying to run out on the check?

- No, no, no.

Waitressing is tough enough

without having to pick up...

- Hold him right there, officer.

- What are you doing?

This man has been trying to run out

since I got pregnant.

And I know it's his,

no matter what he says.

I haven't even been with another man

since last my period. Not even one.

I saw him exiting the back door

of the restaurant, okay?

I thought he was

running out on his bill.

- Me?

- We haven't even ordered yet.

And you know I'm starving.

I'm eating for two.

- You enjoy your lunch.

- Hey, thanks a lot.

Hey, we gotta roll.

You want me

to quit fighting for good.

- For us.

- No, I can't promise that.

- Where you going?

- Why don't you just pay up?

I'm gonna go outside...

...and I'm gonna make

a couple phone calls...

...and I'm gonna see

what I can scam up.

That was truly f***ed up.

You were just gonna leave me here?

- Look, you were better off without me.

- I just saved your ass.

Look, from now on... From now on...

...you gotta do exactly

what I tell you to do. Okay?

No more clowning around.

Feel me?

I'm gonna call a friend of mine.

He owes me.

See if he'll let us

stay at one of his cribs...

...lay low for a little while.

Damn. We gotta

get rid of this car too.

- capture of the so-called

Sawtooth Killers.

Captain Davis had this to say.

There have been some

new developments in the case.

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