Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay Page #3

Why don't you just

kick our ass instead?

- Get on your f***ing knees!

- All right. All right.

- All right, all right, all right, all right.

- You go first, dude.

Hope you boys like extra mayo.

- Jesus, Kumar.

- Oh, I hate you so much!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

God, his dick smells like sh*t, dude.

Holy sh*t!

- What the hell happened?

- That terrorist f*** bit my dick!

- Come on.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait a second!

Should we?

What if they kill us out there?

They're gonna f***ing make us

suck their d*cks if we don't.

We're gonna die in here. Come on.

- F***. F***.

- Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.

- Sh*t. Sh*t.

- F***. F***.

- Sh*t. Sh*t.

- F***. F***.

- Oh, sh*t! Get out!

- F***!

Oh, sh*t. Sh*t.

Door, door.

Look, look, look.

What the f*** is he doing?

We've got to go

now, now, now, now, now!

It smells like burnt a**hole.

I can't f***ing believe this.

F***!

My wrist is swelling, man!

- Shut up.

- We're gonna die in a jungle!

- Shut up!

- F***!

Watch out for cheetahs!

This is cheetah turf.

- What?

- OK. F***.

We hit ocean.

What do we do now?

All right.

Hey, look, look!

Excuse me.

You guys going to America?

S, vamos.

Yes, we're going.

Thank you.

- Es mo.

- Vamos, vamos.

I'm telling you, Jorge...

the first thing you have to do

when you get to America...

buy a device called TiVo, OK?

Freedom means nothing if you're

a slave to regular programming...

I promise you that.

And now, how about you focus?

We gotta figure out what to do

when we get to the States.

We don't have wallets. We don't

have any ID. We've got nothing.

Well, I figure we're gonna land

somewhere around Miami, right?

There's only one guy we know

who lives down there.

- Who do we know that... Raza.

- Yeah.

We gotta go see Raza.

- Adls.

- Hasta luego.

- Thanks again.

- What nice people.

Man, South Florida here we are.

OK. So, now how do we get to Raza's?

The professional way.

We walk. Let's go.

- Walk?

- Yeah.

So I guess Raza's...

- We'll find it, we'll find it.

... thataway. Yeah.

# Dale as, papl #

# Tcame #

# Ay #

# Papl #

# Ay #

# Papl #

# Ay #

- Wow, Raza's place is pretty sweet.

- Kinda ghetto for Miami.

# Para abajo #

# Toca, toca, toca, toca, toca #

- Hi.

- Hey.

Y'all aren't here to complain

about the noise, are you?

No. We're not...

here to complain about the noise.

We're...

We are here to see...

- What is his name? We're here...

- Vagina.

No, we're here to see Raza.

OK. Follow me.

Thank you, ma'am.

We'll follow... you, I guess.

# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #

# She got it, she got it #

# Ba-dunk, ba-dunk, ba-dunk #

# She said, "Boy, go ahead" #

# As long as I don't touch it #

# I said, "Now, why the hell

would I wanna interrupt it?" #

Hey.

- Very patriotic of you.

- Thank you.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey.

- Hey, Raza!

- What?

What's up?

- Kumar and Roldy?

- What's up, man?

I haven't seen you guys

since graduation.

What are you guys doing here?

Wait, what's up

with the orange jumpsuits?

- Hey, no, no, question number one...

- It's kind of a long story. L...

...what's up with this party?

- What do you mean?

There's exposed vagina

all over your house.

Yeah. That was my idea.

I don't know about you guys,

I'm sick of all the hype over topless.

Really? I always liked toplessness.

That's...

- That's just me.

- Yeah? Well, I'm starting...

the bottomless trend.

Hence, the bottomless party.

So what are you guys doing

in South Beach?

How about you answer that question?

I'm gonna go check this out.

- Where are you going?

- Bang bang, buddy.

Listen. I'm really sorry

to bother you with this.

- You all right?

- Not really.

They were locked up for less than

an hour, and they already escaped?

Damn it. Make sure the press

doesn't get wind of this.

Don't need the public thinking

we're some two-bit operation.

Got it, sir.

It must have been either al-Qaeda

or North Korea who broke 'em up.

Find out if they have

any relatives in the country.

You probably should have

done that in the first place.

Do you have a problem with the way

I'm running the show, Beecher?

I'm just saying that...

I've looked through the files

on Harold Lee and Kumar Patel.

They were both born

and raised in New Jersey.

Other than a couple of traffic tickets,

they're clean.

Right. That's why

they just broke out of prison.

But they... It's not even clear that they

should have been there in the first place.

Shut your...

You see this cute, little white girl,

Beecher?

Yeah.

Do you want her to get raped

and murdered?

Of course not.

You sure? 'Cause this is America.

- Do you want to rape America?

- No.

Then stop f***ing with me.

This is serious.

She's adorable.

So you guys are f***ing fugitives?

It's just it's Kumar's fault.

If we get out of this...

the chances of us remaining friends

is highly...

highly... boobies. Yeah.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

Put that back on. And keep it on.

- Sorry.

- F***in' party do you think this is?

Yo. What are you guys talking about?

Roldy was just letting me

in on your situation.

- Yeah?

- Thanks for getting me involved.

What about that f***in' time

we had to cover for you...

lie to your ex-girlfriend

about how you got crabs?

You owe us, man.

- Yeah, that's right.

- What?

- OK, that was a long time ago.

- I love crabs.

Speaking of ex-girlfriends...

isn't yours getting married

or something?

How does everybody know about this

except for me?

Wait.

Colton! Colton Graham can help us out.

- No! F*** that!

- Yes!

No doubt. If anyone could

clear your names, it's him.

No, I'm sorry.

That dickweed is not helping us.

Wait a second.

Do you have his contact info?

Not anymore. But the wedding is

at his family's estate in Hewitt, Texas.

But you don't want to bother them

when they're doing their whole...

wedding thing, right?

You know,

that actually might be our only hope.

F***! How do we get there? We can't

go to the airport. They're looking for us.

- I'll loan you one of my cars.

- Really?

But first... y'all got to get

in the spirit of the party.

- What do you mean, spirit of...

- What do you think I mean?

- What about you?

- Me? I've been in the spirit.

- Oh, God!

- Oh, my God, dude!

Oh, my God!

- Love your dickdo, Raza.

- Yeah. Drink it in.

- What the f***?

- That looks like Osama bin Laden's beard.

I know, right? All right, boys.

Your turn. Let 'em dangle.

- Let's just do it.

- Bring it.

Count of three?

One.

Two, three.

Your c*cks are awesome, man!

That's not even necessary.

- Would you please...

- Oh, my dick!

# My dick cost a late-night fee #

# Your dick got the HIV #

# My dick plays on

the double feature screen #

# Your dick went straight to DVD #

# My dick bigger than a bridge #

# Your dick look like a little kid's #

# My dick large like the Chargers,

the whole team #

# Your sh*t look like you 14 #

# My dick locked in a cage, right #

# Your dick suffer from stage fright #

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