Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay Page #9

I thought I told you

to stay in the car, man.

It's OK, man.

No worries.

Listen, Roldy filled me in

on the situation.

But don't worry. I'll make sure

my dad takes care of everything.

Thanks, man.

In the meantime,

you are going to the doctor.

Ramn!

Ramn. Please bring Vanessa

to Dr. Harris immediately.

Bye, Vanessa. Hope you feel better.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Guys.

All right.

All right, guys. Jet's all fueled.

You should be home in no time.

Sweet.

Hey, Colton, I can't believe

you're doing this for us...

on the night before your wedding day.

- I really appreciate it. Thank you.

- Please don't mention it.

Just want to make sure

everything works out smoothly.

Are all these planes yours?

No. OK.

Rold, come on, of course they are.

This guy's funny. You're funny.

- Yeah?

- Hey, Colton, man.

Listen, I was wrong about you, dude.

You're not a douchebag.

Dude.

You know what I mean.

I mean, you're a good dude.

And I'm happy for you and Vanessa.

That's big of you, Kumar.

- I really appreciate it.

- Sure.

I just can't wait to get back, man.

You're going back all right.

This time you're not escaping.

Now!

Go! Move, move, move!

You are a douchebag...

- No.

... you f***ing douchebag, f*** you!

Yeah. The last thing I was letting

you guys do is ruin my wedding.

- You did this?

- Of course he did this.

I thought we were friends, man.

How could you betray me like this?

Come on, Rold. You and me?

You let me cheat off you

in Advanced Accounting.

Other than that,

I could give a sh*t about you.

Take 'em away, guys.

When we get out of this I'm gonna

f***ing kick your f***ing ass, man!

Boy, you're scaring me.

Well, come on, you're not

one of those kung-fu Asians...

you're a f***ing p*ssy banker,

for Christ's sakes.

- F*** you! F*** you!

- I'm gonna rip you up, b*tch!

- You'd best watch your back, b*tch!

- F*** you, dude!

- F*** you!

- F*** you!

I'm awesome.

Looks like you boys picked

the wrong side, huh?

Where's your Koran now?

We're not even Muslim, you moron...

and even if we were,

that doesn't make us terrorists.

Hey! I'm talking to you.

Get back here!

# Metal under tension

beggin' you to touch and go #

# Highway to #

Man. I can't believe we're going back.

Now do you see

why I hate Colton Graham?

Now do you see why I hate you?

I asked you specifically

to stay in the car.

I told you our friendship was at stake.

Vanessa fell down.

And I was helping her.

- I don't want to hear the excuses!

- It's not an excuse!

I don't want to hear the excuses!

- I heard her yelling!

- I don't want to hear it.

I'm sorry.

'Kay?

Look at this. Look at this.

I f***ed up, OK?

I f***ed up and I always f*** up.

I am a f***-up.

You think?

Harold...

you're my best friend, dude.

You mean the world to me, man.

I love you.

Queers.

And I promise you, if we figure out...

a way to get out of this,

I'm gonna change, OK?

It's not just gonna be

about Kumar all the time.

It'll be about Kumar and Harold.

Harold and Kumar.

I kind of like the first way better.

OK, OK. Harold and Kumar.

Harold and Kumar.

# The hotter the intensity #

It's not all your fault.

Yeah, it is. I brought weed on the plane.

- You got weed?

- No. The other plane.

No, I wish Neil Patrick Harris

were still alive, that guy f***ing loves him.

He totally would have

been able to bail us out.

You just gave me an idea, man.

- What?

- I got this.

Hey, Burl...

- I actually still have some weed.

- You do?

- Seriously?

- Yeah. It's in my pants.

- Hold up.

- You want to smoke now?

Just let me...

- Harold, this is definitely not...

... get it.

...the time to smoke.

# Highway to the danger zone #

# Gonna take you

right into the danger zone #

# Highway to the danger zone #

Dude, you took Neil's Mace?

Been through a lot of sh*t,

figured we might need it.

Well, good call.

Derek, can I get another water?

What the f***?

- Keep your hands up.

- Please don't shoot us.

- Jesus Christ. OK, OK.

- Please don't shoot.

It will be a cold day in hell

before I let you hijack this plane.

Beecher, what are you doing?

Whose side are you on? I thought

I told you to stay in the cockpit!

Enough, Fox!

I've had enough of your crap!

You think that just because I'm smart...

you can treat me

like some dork in gym class?

It's obvious these kids are innocent.

But you're too dumb to realize that.

You know, it's people like you...

who make the world think

that Americans are stupid!

Well, we're not stupid! And we're not

gonna take this sh*t anymore!

It's OK, guys.

It's all over now.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Jesus!

F***!

I don't wanna die!

Kumar!

- What?

- I have the parachute!

Come over here.

How the f*** am I supposed to do that?

Swim!

Holy sh*t.

It's f***ing working!

Yeah!

I love you, dude.

Sh*t!

Don't worry about him. I have an idea.

- What?

- Hang on.

F*** you!

Man, that was so f***in' extreme.

It was.

- Kumar?

- Yeah.

Our d*cks are touching, aren't they?

Yeah, I guess they are.

- Yeah.

- OK, I was just checking.

Roldy, can you move us out of the way?

There's a house coming up down here.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Dude!

The glass hurt my dick.

The glass hurt my dick.

I think I'm OK. Yeah.

- Dude. Dude.

- Oh, my God.

- No, sh*t, dude. You all right?

- F***! I think so!

We gotta get out of here before

the people who live here find us.

I know. They're gonna be...

Dude? Dude?

What's up?

- No.

- Holy sh*t!

What the hell are y'all

doing in my office?

You'd better start giving me

some answers!

George?

We're gonna be late for that wedding.

Sh*t. It's Cheney. Come on, you guys.

Keep quiet. Follow me.

That guy scares the crap out of me.

Let's go hide in the guesthouse.

- Come the f*** on.

- I'm coming.

# Yeah #

- This is a cool room.

- Yeah.

Yeah, this is where

I come to escape from work.

- Here?

- Yes, sir.

- So who the heck are you guys?

- All right.

My name is Harold Lee, sir...

and this is Kumar Patel.

Anyway, we were on a parachute

and we sort of landed on your ranch.

Dude, this is weed.

That's Alabama Kush.

That's only the finest.

So you get high and then you put

other people who smoke weed in jail?

- That's so hypocritical.

- Dude, look...

Yeah? Well, let me ask you

something, Kumar.

- You like giving hand jobs?

- No, sir.

- You like getting hand jobs?

- Yeah.

All right. Well, that makes you

a f***ing hypocriticizer too.

So shut the f*** up

and smoke my weed.

Hey, love.

What are you doing here? It's bad luck.

The ceremony starts in a hour.

I just want to let you know...

I had catering get an extra case

of Coors Light...

in case the President comes.

It's his favorite beer.

- Do you think that'll be enough?

- I don't know. Yes?

Who cares?

Look, were you able to work

everything out with Kumar and Harold?

Don't worry, Chestnut.

I took complete care of 'em.

They thought you guys were terrorizers.

Wait. That's not funny, man.

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