Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle Page #3

- Yes.

- Yes?

Thank Christ. Just give me

a dime of your finest sticky.

You wanna see

sticky-icky, my friend?

Oh, my God!

Whoa, man!

Don't touch, man.

That's not cool.

You can't...

Jeez! This is my baby!

Yes?

Kenneth Park,

class of 2004.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Is it true you're an analyst

for Brewster Keegan?

Yes, I'm a junior analyst.

Awesome!

I told you, he's good.

- Yes.

- This is actually a two-part question.

I'm applying for a summer

internship at Brewster Keegan.

I was wondering, a) what's it like

being an investment banker,

and b) would you write me

a recommendation?

Here. That's sixt... 80 bucks.

- 80 bucks?

- Yeah, 80 bucks.

Yo, this is worth 40 tops, bro.

"Bro"?

I'm not your bro, bro.

Okay, and that's 80 bucks.

You don't feel like

getting high tonight?

If you don't feel like getting high,

that's cool with me,

because there's lots of people

around here. See this guy?

Hey, loser.

Hey, what's up, George?

I smoke buds with George all the time.

What kind of hippie are you?

What kind of hippie am I?

Man, I'm a business hippie.

I understand the concept

of supply and demand.

"What's it like

being an investment banker?"

To be honest with you,

it's actually pretty aw...

...awesome.

Excellent!

As for the recommendation,

I guess I can make a couple calls.

Actually, Harold, we should

be getting to the party.

We can discuss all this stuff

on the way there.

- It's just down the hall.

- Okay.

I'm sorry. I can't go.

I have to wait for Kumar.

You'll see him when we're done.

Trust me,

you're gonna love this.

Kenny's mom dropped off

a big pot of kimchi jigae.

It's really good.

It's delicious.

Yeah?

That's nice.

- 80 bucks, okay?

- Okay.

- Hello.

- Are you guys about to smoke?

Yes, we're gonna smoke. Do you

wanna come back to my place?

Please, like they want to go listen

to a bunch of Phish records

while you read

your lame-ass poetry.

Girls, you guys wanna hang out,

maybe smoke a little weed

and have some fun?

- All right.

- All right.

My poetry's not lame.

It's really good.

- Yeah, I'm sure.

- It's great.

We're gonna eat before this gets cold.

What you say we meet back

in our room in about 20 minutes?

We're in room 109.

I'll see you ladies later, huh?

Yes!

you ladies later. Yes!

We're getting laid, bro.

All right, I'll see you there, man.

Roldy, dude,

you gotta come quick.

There's these two filthy pussies

just aching to get boned by us.

I mean, there are these two

very lovely young pussies

who would like to have

a chat with you and I.

Sorry. Harold's coming with us.

That's bullshit. He's coming with me.

Isn't that right, Roldy?

- Let's go to the party.

- No, no, no. F*** that.

Here. This is Harold's understudy.

You can do whatever you want.

Roldy, let's go.

Sorry.

I can't believe you were gonna

ditch me for the Joy Luck Club.

You know what their parties are like.

What do you want me to say?

I was under pressure.

Just say no.

That's all it takes. Here.

All right, take a hit of that.

What's going on up there?

Barracuda to Sparrow,

Barracuda to Sparrow.

We got two high-fliers

on level three.

I just wanna talk!

Dude, in here, in here.

Women!

What if someone

finds us in here?

Chill the f*** out. He's not gonna

look for us in the girls' bathroom.

Sh*t! Come here.

It worked on me. There's no reason

it shouldn't work on you.

But your breasts look beautiful.

I just want those

cute little ping-pong breasts.

You know, that kind of go...

Hurry up because I want

to go smoke weed

with that dishy Indian guy.

It's gonna be a few minutes.

I'm about to have

the worst case of taco shits.

Oh, God.

Great, I think I've got

to go, too.

Hey, Clarissa, do you want

to play battle shits?

- Oh, my God!

- Battle shits?

We haven't played that

since back at camp.

I know, I know.

Wait for it.

Hit.

Scag! You sank my destroyer!

F***!

I can't take it anymore!

Christy, are you still there?

Damn! You sank my battle sh*t!

Sh*t.

Dude!

She said in 20-10?

Have you seen

a Korean guy around here?

Yeah, only when

I open my eyes, though.

'Tard.

Yo, this party's bumpin'!

- Who wants some Buda?

- Yeah!

Holy sh*t! Kenneth Park,

class of 2004.

Dude, I'm thinking you really screwed up

by not coming to this party.

I screwed up?

Can we have some pot brownies?

I don't know.

I'm running a little low.

A titty flash might persuade me.

- Should we?

- I think you should.

Okay.

- Whoa.

- Whoa.

Hey, you!

Sh*t!

Hey!

- Hey!

- Let's get 'em! Halt!

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Harold! Harold!

- No, no, no.

- Hey, dude!

- Come here!

Well, well, well.

- What do we have here?

- Oh, no! That's my baby!

Hold his throat and groin.

Come on, rookie.

Should we go back

for the weed?

Are you crazy?

Run! Run!

I can't believe it, man.

We were this close to getting laid.

Oh, dude,

you always exaggerate.

The diarrhea twins definitely

would have had sex with us.

What about Cindy? She was

looking kinda cute tonight, man.

Cindy's fine.

It's just...

- Just what?

- We...

Oh, you'd rather have Maria.

Look, it doesn't matter.

I'm gonna end up with Cindy Kim

whether I like it or not.

Can we just drop this and get

our asses to White Castle, man?

Fine.

Maria.

What are you doing?

Daddy needs to urinate.

Hurry up!

I'm serious.

Don't take all night.

All right.

- Excuse me, I have to...

- Huh?

I have to ask you.

Why are you peeing right here?

What?

I mean, why'd you pee

right next to me

when you could choose

that bush or...

This is a good bush to pee on.

Why are you peeing on it?

Well, no one was here

when I chose this bush.

Oh.

So you get to pee on it

and no one else does? Huh?

- No, I just...

- This your bush?

You have a special bond

with this bush?

- No, I just thought that...

- You the king of the forest?

- I'm sorry?

- What?

Are you a f***in' tree-hugger?

Is this your special bush?!

Never mind. Forget it. I really

don't feel like getting stabbed tonight.

Nice pubes.

Thanks.

Do you even know

where you're going?

I'm gonna be honest,

I'm a little lost, but, you know,

once we get back on the highway,

we'll be there soon, don't worry.

We'd better.

Sh*t. Now it's raining.

Put on your wipers.

What are you talking about?

It's just a little mist.

Yeah, mist,

hence the mist setting.

It's a safety issue, okay?

There we go.

Thank you, Mr. Wizard.

What crawled up your ass?

I'm completely on edge

right now, man.

After all the sh*t that

we've been through tonight,

I don't know

how much more I can take.

Oh, sh*t! How the f***

did that get in here?

Oh, sh*t!

He bit me!

I've got rabies!

Oh, my God!

Dude, get that f***in'

cancer raccoon away from me!

Open my window!

F*** you, raccoon!

What the Christ?

- Sh*t!

- Sh*t!

Jesus! You all right?

I don't know.

Sh*t.

Sh*t, dude,

he's coming over here.

Probably some old blind b*tch!

- What the f*** are you doing?

- We're sorry. We're very sorry!

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