Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle Page #4

- Holy sh*t!

- Goldstein?

Dude, it's Rold and Kumar.

Sh*t. What's going on, man?

- What's up, dude? What's up?

- All right.

What the hell

are you guys doing here?

We got the munchies, so we

decided we'd go to Hot Dog Heaven.

How about you?

How was White Castle?

We haven't gotten there yet.

I think I may have rabies.

Yo, dude, how were

Katie Holmes' tits?

- You know the Holocaust?

- Yeah.

Picture the exact

opposite of that.

Nice.

Boy, do you need a girl.

If you guys

got the yellow fever,

there's a rockin' Asian party

down at Princeton.

Dude, I got the yellow plague.

There's nothing sexier

than a hot Asian chick!

Asian tits...

I wanna squeeze 'em!

Stop. Don't do that.

Please, do not touch me.

I'm very woozy.

I think I have to go

to the hospital.

You should go

to Beth Israel.

- We gotta hit up this Asian joint.

- No, we don't.

We got to go to Hot Dog Heaven.

No more detours along the way.

- This is what I'm dealing with.

- Come on!

I'm telling you,

hit up the Asian party.

Did you leave the key in the car

with the engine running?

Good luck.

You don't have rabies. We're not

going to a hospital. You're fine.

Uh... Yeah, I don't have rabies.

Great. Let's just

get out of here.

Hey, aren't those the guys

that got the sh*t kicked...

I know. I know.

Let's just go.

Just go.

Kumar.

- Hey, it's your dad and brother.

- Sh*t.

No wonder you didn't want

to go to the hospital.

- Hey, Dad.

- Hi, Dr. Patel.

- What's up?

- Saikat. What's going on?

I hope you are here to apologize for

what you did in your interview today.

What the hell's

wrong with you, Kumar?

God! You're 22 years old.

When are you gonna grow up

and stop this

post-college rebel bullshit?

- Like your life is so hard.

- Eat my balls, Saikat.

I will not tolerate this

business from you any longer.

You have one more

interview tomorrow morning,

and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you

were anything short of spectacular,

I'll completely cut you off.

- Dad, come on.

- Daddy is not coming on anything.

You will be there,

and you will behave.

I have put too much time

and energy into you

to let you go

and f*** it all up!

You're absolutely right.

I'm sorry, guys.

Wow, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

It won't happen again, okay?

Good.

I will speak with you tomorrow.

- Bye, Harold.

- Bye.

See ya.

Wow, man.

I guess you're going

to med school after all, eh?

F*** that, dude.

Like I care what my dad thinks.

I can't wait to see

the look on his face

when he finds out I didn't go

to my interview tomorrow.

If he wants to cut me off, fine.

I don't need his money.

I don't understand.

You just hugged him.

Yeah, I just needed to get

my hands on this.

Access card.

Two words for you, bro...

medical marijuana.

No.

Oh, this is stolen.

If we get caught,

you are taking the blame.

This is not my idea.

We're not gonna get caught, okay?

We're gonna go get baked

and then go eat just like we planned.

Now, just calm down.

- We gotta find the pharmacy.

- Dr. Patel!

Thank God I found you.

We have an emergency.

Nurses, I need these two doctors

scrubbed, gloved,

and ready for the O.R. Stat!

- What the hell is going on?

- He probably thinks I'm my brother.

Just don't worry about it.

Leave the talking to me.

It's a godforsaken bloodbath.

The patient was brought in

by EMS five minutes ago.

As you can see, we have

three horrific gunshot wounds.

It's a good thing

I found you two.

All the other surgeons

are working on other patients.

No, there's been a mistake.

What Dr. Lee is trying to say

is that we need to sedate the patient...

...or he could go into cardiac arrest.

- All right, I'll get the anesthesiologist.

Hang on a second, nurse. What we

should probably use is marijuana.

That'll sufficiently

sedate the patient for surgery.

Marijuana?

But why?

We don't have time for questions.

We need marijuana now,

as much of it as possible!

Like a big bag of it.

But, Doctor, we don't have

marijuana in this hospital.

Sh*t.

Oh, sh*t!

This guy's gonna die!

Doctor, you've got to do something

or we're gonna lose him!

I'm gonna do this

the old-fashioned way.

Start the nitrous.

Give me two large-bore I.V. S

and start a Ringers lactate push.

Dr. Roldy, hold this.

More gauze, please.

- Doctor, the patient is desatting.

- Dude, he's desatting! He's desatting!

The patient has a collapsed lung.

I need a 14-gauge angiocath stat.

- That was genius.

- Thank you.

- Great job!

- You guys did it.

No, it's you.

- Sexy.

- What'd you say?

Nothing.

Sweet-pea.

The patient appears

to be stabilized.

- Good work, doctors, all around.

- Great. One of you clean this up, please.

- Put the chest tube in.

- Meow. You're moist.

- I'm not sweating anymore.

- You're glistening.

Soft and chocolate lips...

- Could I get a little dab here?

- Hush now, hush now.

Excuse me, sir.

Do you happen to know

how to get to the White Castle

in Cherry Hill from here?

Yeah. Take the 33 west

and take the Turnpike south,

and there you are.

I'm telling you, man,

that was amazing!

Even your dad would

have been impressed, man.

Yeah, it wasn't that bad.

This is perfect. We're back on the road,

we got directions, it stopped raining.

And guess what, man.

- I'm officially done with my work.

- Oh, yeah? Nice!

I'm telling you, dude,

things are finally starting to go our way.

Hey, dude, check it out...

Sixteen Candles.

Isn't that your favorite movie?

Wow, man, that's awesome!

Yo, look who decided

to go see it.

Holy sh*t.

See! You said you two

had nothing in common,

but you both have the same

lame taste in movies!

Shut up.

Hey, we should ask her if she

wants to come to White Castle.

No. No, no.

Forget about it. Just drive.

Dude, come on.

It's 1:
00 in the morning.

We're an hour away from home,

and who do we see but your dream girl

standing across the street?

Just pretend you're a nerdy

Asian version of Tom Hanks

and she's a hot Latina Meg Ryan

with bigger tits.

The cars are going.

Can we go? How about that?

- What are you doing?

- Excuse me, Maria!

- What are you doing?

- Maria! Excuse me for a second!

Come here!

No! What the hell

are you doing?

Get your hand off the gas!

Sh*t!

- I'm stuck!

- Stop turning the wheel!

- I am stuck!

- What do you mean you're stuck?

Get unstuck!

- You a**hole!

- Wha... wha...?

We could have seriously

injured ourselves, man!

Yo, don't blame me, genius.

I'm not the one who decided

to run us off the frickin' road, all right?

Let's just get

back on the highway, okay?

Fine with me.

It's not funny.

- Where's my spare tire?

- I don't know.

Where the hell

is my spare tire?

Oh, yeah!

Dude, remember that time

we got really stoned

and started throwing sh*t off

that bridge to see if it would float?

What bridge? I don't remem...

What are you talking about?

Oh, sh*t, that's right.

That was with Goldstein.

We borrowed your car

that night. My bad.

Your bad? What the hell

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes