Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle Page #6

That was extreme, dude!

Excuse me, can you tell us how

to get to the highway from here?

Dude, I got this.

Dude, who knew learning Hindi

would actually pay off?

Guy says the highway is, like,

a couple traffic lights from here.

We should be in Cherry Hill

in ten minutes.

- Ready? One, two, three!

- No. No.

- No.

- Extreme kayaking!

No!

Extreme!

- No!

- Man, that was so f***in' extreme!

On a scale of 1 to 10,

one being not so extreme

and ten being extremely extreme,

I give this a 9.5!

- Check it out!

- Extreme cheddar!

- Hey.

- Extreme cashier!

Somebody should do something.

Yeah, you're right.

Hey, a**hole!

Why don't you leave that guy alone

and go jerk off to some

snowboarding videos or something?

I didn't mean you

should do something about it.

What? You're gonna take that?

What's up with that? Huh?

You're gonna take that?

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Sh*t!

- That's right, b*tch!

You just try f***in' with me

one more time!

Just try it!

Thank you, come again.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Kumar, you okay?

Yeah, dude,

I just hate those a**holes.

You know what? F*** it, I'm hungry.

Let's just get outta here.

Did Doogie Howser

just steal my f***ing car?

Yes. I think he did.

You! You had to pick up

a hitchhiker! Why?!

Calm down.

Why did you leave

the keys in the car?

Why? Because

it would get stolen.

I figured that Neil Patrick Harris

was a trustworthy guy.

Come on. How was I supposed

to know he'd f*** us over?

This whole freaking night,

this whole night, is your fault!

- Where are you going?

- I'm going inside to call the police.

I don't want

to talk to you anymore.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

There's a pay phone

across the street

if you don't wanna

deal with those a**holes.

After we talk to the cops, we're

still going to White Castle, right?

I'm not speaking to you.

When are they f***ing going

to develop button technology

that will understand urgency?!

- Dude, this is ridiculous. Just walk across.

- It'll change in a second.

There's not a car in sight.

Just go ahead.

Fine. You want me to cross?

I will cross.

If it makes you happy,

I will cross.

I'll do it.

Sh*t!

- What...

- Sorry.

Is there a problem,

Officer Palumbo?

Is there a problem?

You ever heard of jaywalking?

Yes, I have. I'm really sorry.

Won't happen again.

That's great.

I'm writing you up a ticket.

A ticket?

Are you serious?

Who the f*** are you, shitwad?

Let me apologize

for my friend here. I'm very sorry.

I'm really glad you're here.

We've had a rough night.

You know the show

Doogie Howser M. D.?

Great show.

God, I love that show. "Doogie."

Neil Patrick Harris

stole my car tonight.

Hey, NPH wouldn't do that,

all right?

Give me some I.D.

Excuse me, how can you

give him a ticket for jaywalking?

It's 2:
30 in the morning.

There's not a car around here.

Kumar, shut up.

That's not the kind of tone

you want to use

on a cop who can bust your ass.

- Bust my ass?

- Yeah, Koo-mar.

Bust your ass.

What kind of name

is that anyhow? Koo-mar.

What is that,

like, five O's or two U's?

No, it's actually one U.

Yeah, bullshit.

Whatever happened to good old

American names like Dave or Jim?

- Harold.

- Harold.

- Are you kidd...

- Now that's a great name.

- Let me take care of this.

- You should be proud of that name, son.

As you were, ladies.

- $220?! Are you crazy?!

- Kumar, if you don't stop...

No, I understand exactly

what's going on here.

Excuse me, officer, let me

take a couple of guesses.

- I'm really sorry...

- Get your hands down!

- Okay, alright.

- No sudden moves. Back it up!

You were probably the big a**hole

in your high school, right?

Absolutely right.

Used to pick on guys like us

every day, right?

With pleasure.

Then graduation day came,

and we went to college,

and you went nowhere,

and you thought,

"Hey, how can I

still give them sh*t?

I know, I'll become a cop."

Well, congratu-f***in'-lations.

Your dream has come true.

Now, why don't you just take

this quiet little Asian guy

with the Anglicized name

that treats you so well

and give him a couple

of other tickets?

- Better yet, just take him to jail.

- Better idea.

Why don't you just arrest him?

Does that work out for you okay, Harold?

- "Great American name, Harold."

- Let's go, Harold.

Thanks to your buddy,

we're going downtow...

Oh, sh*t.

Well, thank you so much for

being understanding about Bradley.

I promise you

he won't ever do it again.

I'm sure he won't.

Right, Brad?

Yes, sir,

Officer Palumbo, sir.

- Mommy, can we go home?

- Get in the car, Bradley Thomas.

Bye, Brad.

Are you gonna do

something about my car?

First our top story.

The search for the escaped cheetah

continues tonight.

It was last spotted

in Randolph County. South of...

- So what are you in here for?

- For being black.

Seriously.

I am serious.

You wanna know what happened?

I was walking

out of a Barnes & Noble,

and a cop stops me.

Evidently a black guy

robbed a store in Newark.

I told him, "I haven't even been

to Newark in months."

So, he starts beating me

with his gun...

...telling me to stop resisting arrest.

- Holy sh*t! What'd you do?

I kept saying,

"I understand I'm under arrest.

Now please stop beating me."

I don't understand how

you can be so calm about all this.

Look at me.

I'm fat, black, can't dance,

and I have two gay fathers.

People have been

messing with me my whole life.

I learned a long time ago that

there's no sense getting all riled up

every time a bunch of idiots

give you a hard time.

In the end, the universe tends

to unfold as it should.

Plus I have a really large penis.

That keeps me happy.

Hey, hey, listen up, guys!

Multiple gunshots

fired in Millbrook Park.

Finally, some action.

I'm goin'!

- No, I'm goin'!

- Lock and load!

That was strange.

What the hell was that?

Rold. Is that you?

- Kumar?

- Are the cops still here?

What the hell are you doing?

I just called and made up some story

about a shooting in Millbrook Park.

- Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?

- I'm f***ing starving.

I figured I'd bust you out

and we'd go get some burgers.

Forget it. I'm not getting

into any more trouble.

I'm already in here because of you.

Hey, f*** you!

What did you want me to do,

stand there and take the hit?

You know I've never

taken a swing at you, ever.

Well, I never got your car stolen.

- Fine. I'm leaving.

- Fine.

- Harold, how do I get out of here?

- How the hell should I know?

Sh*t! Oh, God, this isn't good.

My ass!

Sure you don't want

to get out of here?

And become a fugitive?

Are you nuts?

- The guy has all my information.

- So what?

We'll just take what he

wrote down about you and leave.

Unless you want to

stay here all night

and not be able to

turn in your work tomorrow.

Fine, hurry up.

Yes! All right,

we gotta find keys.

Oh, yes!

Sweet! I was hoping it would

be one of these big ring of keys.

- Kumar, hurry the f*** up.

- All right, yeah.

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