Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle Page #8

- Sh*t!

Let's go out the back.

I'll go first.

- Don't shake the car!

- Well, hurry up!

Hey, Roldy, check it out.

Sh*t, sh*t!

We're trapped, man!

Whoa. Not necessarily.

No.

No, not a chance.

I'd rather turn myself in than die.

No, dude, I know

exactly how to do that.

I used to do it with my dad

all the time when I was a kid.

Forget it! I'm not risking my life

over a bunch of hamburgers, man.

So you think this is

just about the burgers, huh?

Let me tell you,

it's about far more than that.

Our parents came to this country,

escaping persecution,

poverty, and hunger.

Hunger, Harold.

They were very, very hungry.

They wanted to live in a land

that treated them as equals,

a land filled with hamburger stands.

And not just

one type of hamburger, okay?

Hundreds of types with different

sizes, toppings, and condiments.

That land was America.

America, Harold! America!

Now, this is about achieving

what our parents set out for.

This is about the pursuit

of happiness.

This night...

is about the American dream.

Dude, we can stay here,

get arrested,

and end our hopes of ever

going to White Castle.

Or we can take that hang glider

and make our leap towards freedom.

I leave the decision up to you.

I hate you, Kumar.

Tilt forward.

- Roldy.

- What?

- Don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine.

- All right.

- Good job, Rold. Keep running.

- Thank you.

Hey, Roldy, there's something

I forgot to tell you.

- I've never hang-glided before.

- What?!

Jump!

Oh, my God!

- Dude, it's working!

- Oh, my God!

Yeah!

Good news.

I just found enough dope in the car

to put these skateboard punks

in jail for the next couple of years.

- Dude, we're so high right now.

- We're not low.

All right, I'm bringing her in.

Right, left, left.

Perfect!

- Sh*t!

- Sh*t!

God!

I'm gonna kill you!

Look!

We made it, dude.

Looks like you guys

had some night, huh?

I want 30 Slyders, 5 French fries,

and 4 large Cherry Cokes.

I want the same, except

make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.

Wow. Well, that comes

to $46.75.

- Dude, where's my money?

- You don't have money?

- Dude, are you kidding me?

- No.

I gave mine

to that a**hole at Princeton.

F***! F*** that hippie f***!

No! Dude, this isn't happening!

We didn't make it here,

and now we're broke!

No, no, no, no!

Guys, let me pay for it.

It's the least I can do.

The hell are you doing here?

You guys kept talking about

White Castle last night so much,

it made me start to crave it, too.

- Dude, where's my car?

- Where's his car, dude?

Yeah, sorry about that.

I told you last night I was tripping balls.

I don't know what came over me.

Your car's in the parking lot.

Here are your keys.

Do you realize what the hell we had to

go through after you took the car?

Yeah. It was a dick move

on my part.

That's why I'm paying

for your meal. Prick.

Thanks, I guess.

Here's 50 bucks for the burgers

and 200 for the car.

What happened to my car?

I made some love stains

in the back seat.

You'll see.

Anyway, nice meeting you guys.

I'll catch you later.

Where are you going?

Wherever God takes me.

Whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's do this together.

Damn, that hit the spot.

- That was the best meal of my life.

- Mine, too.

You know what, dude?

I think I may actually go

to my interview today.

Are you serious?

You know, my whole life

I've just been scared

of being one of those nerdy

Indian guys turned doctor,

but tonight got me thinking.

There are far worse things

in this world than being tapped

for having a natural

ability in medicine.

Chick magnet. Chick magnet

Plus, how cool was that,

saving that dude's life last night?

It was somewhere between that,

getting yelled at by my dad,

and seeing Neil Patrick Harris

that I realized that I've

always wanted to be a doctor

but I've just been too scared

to admit it to myself.

- Billy, you paying for this?

- Yeah, I'll be there...

Good, 'cause if he wasn't,

you would.

Are you listening to me, Roldy?

I'm having a major epiphany here.

I'll be right back.

You're unlike any other woman

I've ever met.

What the f*** is going on here?

Harold?

What happened to you, man?

Never mind me.

What the f*** are you doing here?

I thought you and J.D.

Were busy all night with clients.

Isn't that why

I had to do your work?

- Henry, what the hell's going on?

- Back off, cock boy.

What I said to him

goes double for you.

- Did you just call me cock boy?

- Yeah, you know I did.

You're just stalling

because you're not quick

enough to think of a comeback.

You think I'm not quick enough.

Guy thinks I'm not quick enough.

Well, I've got news for you.

I am quick enough...

...cock boy!

Listen, Harold, I'm really sorry.

Don't bother with him. We'll take it up

with Berenson tomorrow.

What are you

gonna tell Berenson?

That I'm your workhorse?

That you guys think

you can party all weekend,

leave the work to

the quiet Asian guy in the office?

- No, you don't understand.

- No, you don't understand.

I'm not doing

your work for you anymore.

And if either one

of you douche bags

ever tries to pull

this sh*t again,

I'll go to Berenson myself.

I'll tell him what's really going on.

And I'll tell the whole office

how you both caught gonorrhea

from that prostitute in Atlantic City.

If you'll excuse me, boys,

I gotta get going. Kumar.

See you boys

at the office on Monday.

Excuse me.

Dude, that was awesome!

Where the hell did that come from?

I don't know.

Eating those delicious burgers

made me feel like a new man.

You know what?

Now I'm actually looking forward

to going to work this week.

No sh*t. You know,

you might be worthwhile after all.

I'm not worthless.

Hey, so those dudes

really have gonorrhea?

Beats me.

Hey.

- Let's get going.

- What's the rush, dude?

I don't have my interview

for a couple of hours.

I got some unfinished business

to take care of.

I thought those guys

were gonna do the work.

No, unfinished business.

- Maria.

- Still not following you.

Get in!

So you don't even have a plan.

Dude, I got love

on my side, man.

Trust me.

When I see Maria, I'm gonna

know exactly what to say.

- Hey.

- Hey.

It looks like you guys

have had some night.

Sh*t. You know what?

I left my lighter in your car.

Do me a favor and run down

and get it for me, please?

I gotta urinate.

You sure got a lot of baggage.

Maria, wait.

I know this is gonna seem

completely out of the blue,

and I know you don't know me

very well... or, um, at all.

But let me tell you

the best part of my day is.

I come home from work

and I walk through this lobby,

and on days that I'm lucky enough,

I spend ten seconds

in this elevator with you.

I had the craziest night

of my life tonight,

and I guess I learned that

if you want something or someone,

you have to go for it.

And if Liane can

marry a guy like Freakshow

and I can hang-glide

and I can ride a cheetah,

then I guess...

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