Haunted Honeymoon Page #3

Well, this is some colour.

She must be quite a hot tamale.

She is, but you'd never think it.

She's just a little thing.

Rachel! We were just talking about you.

- This is Rachel.

- How do you do?

"As ye sow, so shall ye reap".

Oh!

Stop that! You're gonna get me

in trouble with my fiance.

It's sad, really. She just can't

keep her hands off of men.

- How do I look?

- "Boffo socko", according to Variety.

"Montego Magic Spells Dollars".

- Hmm. How much did we make?

- 12,000.

- Did you gamble this week?

- 'Fraid so. You look beautiful in that gown.

- How much did we lose?

- 14.

- This can't go on, Monty.

- I know, darling. I know.

- What's that?

- Diamond necklace.

- Where did you get it?

- Magic.

- It's lovely.

- Everything's gonna change, I promise.

So long as you have faith in me.

- You're a very persuasive man.

- It's all done with mirrors.

Champagne?

- Thank you, Pfister.

- Thank you, Pfister.

Champagne?

- Where's your son?

- I don't know.

- He was supposed to be here.

- I hope this isn't a stupid prank.

- I don't want anything to go wrong.

- Does Aunt Kate know?

- What she needs to.

- You know what you're doing?

Take care of your part,

I'll take care of mine.

The Montego? You're kidding.

You're Montego the magician?

- That's my husband.

- I don't believe it!

You're kidding me!

Are you doing some magic tonight?

- I always come prepared.

- You don't know what this means to me.

- Since I was a little girl I used to dream...

- Sylvia, darling. Come here, please.

- Larry, you remember your old girlfriend?

- Larry, wow! What a surprise.

Sylvia, I didn't know you were going

with Charlie. What a surprise.

- Wow.

- Sylvia, I'd like you to meet...

- Champagne, miss?

- Oh, yeah. Thanks.

- Sylvia...

- Champagne, miss?

Thank you.

Sylvia, I'd like you to meet my fiance, Vickie.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I love your lipstick. What's it called?

- Pink Passion.

Oh, yeah.

Well, quit "passion" it around.

What?

- Has Larry been flirting with you?

- Charlie.

- Charlie, I'm engaged.

- Larry, you want her back?

- Charlie!

- I've got my own girl, Charlie.

Just like the old days, cuz?

But we love each other, huh?

Madam Katherine!

This house is cursed!

They were all godless here.

They used to bring their women to this house,

brazen, lolling creatures

with their silks and satins.

Oh, they filled this house

with laughter and sin.

Laughter and sin...

Wicked, blasphemous men

with their painted women.

They revelled in the joys of fleshly love.

Oh, I can still,

still hear the echoes of the past.

Oh, what memories!

Hello, darling.

Aunt Kate, this is my fiance, Vickie.

- How do you do, Aunt Kate?

- Oh, charming. Charming.

I'm starved. Let's eat.

I want you next to me during dinner.

Oh, you remind me of me

when I was a little girl.

You're a good girl.

I can see it in your eyes.

Not like the others. He's chosen wisely.

- Thank you, Aunt Kate.

- You're welcome.

I know that one of you is a werewolf.

I saw you in the garden this afternoon.

Don't be frightened, dear.

She's a little bit eccentric.

Of course, I'm only speaking

to the Abbot family.

My brother John, from whom

you are all descended,

was bitten on the back of his neck

by something half animal, half human.

From that moment on he was hairy all over.

Oh.

I had hoped all these years

that his disease would not be passed on,

but now I see that it was.

One of you is preying upon the fears

of an old woman.

Whoever you are, may God strike you dead.

Now let's have coffee and dessert

in the music room.

Sh, Toby!

Stop it now. Quiet!

What's the matter with you?

There's no one there.

What's got into you?

Marriage is a wonderful thing.

My mother never...

What I'm about to tell you...

First...

First, you put your two knees

close up tight.

- You mean, you swing them to the left?

- Yes.

- And then you swing them to the right?

- Oh, my dear...

You step around the floor,

kind of nice and light.

One, two...

And then you twist around

And twist around with all of your might

Spread your lovin' arms

Clear out a space

You do the eagle rock

With style and grace

You put your left foot out

And bring it back

And that's what we call

"Ballin' the Jack"

Spread

Your lovin' arms way out in space

Do the eagle rock with style and grace

You put your left foot out

And bring it back

And that's what we call

"Ballin' the Jack"

And that's what we call

Ball...

"Ballin' the Jack"

"Ballin' the Jack"

"Ballin' the Jack"

Oh, yes, port. Thank you, darling.

Where's Francis Junior?

I don't know, Kate. He said

he was coming this aftemoon.

- I thought he'd be here for dinner.

- One of my dresses is missing.

- Has he been at it again?

- No. No... I...

My son does a wonderful impression

of Aunt Kate. He's got her voice to a T.

And, well... Sometimes he likes to put on

one of Aunt Kate's dresses...

- to entertain at family gatherings.

- I see.

You should have seen him last Christmas.

Such fun!

Yes. And when the police dragged him

out of the ladies' room at Saks Fifth Avenue,

that was fun.

- Power failure.

- Larry?

- Here, honey.

- How exciting!

- Who's got a lighter?

- What's that?

Don't touch me!

The lights have gone out, madam.

Good old Pfister,

soon figured that one out.

Electricity is the work of the devil.

I don't trust it at all.

God's paying me back for putting it in.

- Come on, Kate. You can't live in the past.

- Oh, shut up.

Why am I always being talked into things

I'll regret later?

We should go to bed. We're going to be busy,

what with the wedding.

- You ready to call it a night, Monty?

- Yes, I'm ready.

- Francis?

- I'm ready.

- Susan?

- I'm ready.

- Charles?

- Oh, sure, Dad. Count me in, yeah.

Sylvia, honey, you ready to go to bed?

I sure am.

- How about you, honey?

- Sure, yeah.

- How about you, Pfister?

- I'm ready.

Pfister, have arrangements been made

in case a blackout should last all night?

Miss Rachel is upstairs now

lighting the candles, sir.

Thank you for a lovely evening, Kate.

Shall we see you in the morning?

Who knows if any of us

shall ever see the morning.

Don't let that werewolf business frighten you.

She's had werewolves on the brain

since we were kids.

Wha!

If I get scared I'm getting right into your bed.

I don't care about the rules.

So if you wake up with somebody,

don't worry, it's me.

OK. And if I'm not there,

I'll be in Sylvia's room.

Oh, you...

And if you get scared, just remember,

I'm down the hall

and nothing'll happen to you while I'm here.

OK.

Good night, sweetie.

- Good night, cookie.

- Good night, my angel cakes.

Larry! Oh, honey...

Well, I can't sleep. How do you like that?

I have been in there tossing and turning

for hours. How about you, Sylvia?

Yeah, I was thanking Larry

for a wonderful evening...

and just saying how happy I am for you both.

- Anyway... good night, Larry.

- Good night.

- Good night, Vickie.

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