He Said, She Said Page #4

- I feel ridiculous.

- Come on.

I can't.

God.

Dan.

It's OK, honey. I'm OK.

Dan?

I think I'd like some cheesecake.

What?

I think you could use some, too.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

- I could definitely use some.

- OK.

You're not going to remember

any of this, are you?

Lorie? I love you.

I'm crazy about you.

Don't ever leave me, please.

I want to spend

the rest of my life with you.

I'll go get us some cheesecake.

I just want to warn you.

Daddy won't approve of you,

but Mom is sweet, very sweet.

It's so great that you're

taking time off to come.

I wanted to meet them, it's time I did.

Why? What does that mean?

Nothing.

I mean it's just about time I met them.

- That's all.

- Don't be nervous.

They're very normal. They're

the most normal family in the world.

You just can't discuss birth control

out of its political context.

I use a diaphragm. That doesn't

make me a capitalist, or a socialist.

Diaphragms are threatening.

They give women power.

I've used condoms all my life. I'm not

ashamed of it. How about you, Dan?

- Do you use condoms?

- Well, actually, it kind of depends.

He's got condom written all over him.

What does your father do, Dan?

- I think they're too old for that.

- I meant for a living.

- Oh, he's retired.

- Independently wealthy, huh?

No, just old.

I was a late kid. A surprise.

You like children, Dan?

- Yeah. I mean, yeah. Well, yeah...

- Where's Wendy?

Oh, she read Dan's abortion article

and decided she couldn't eat with him.

- That's rude.

- I don't think so.

- What about capital punishment, Dan?

- This isn't the time...

All right. He's for capital punishment,

he voted for Reagan twice.

He makes slightly more than me

for the same job,

and we usually use

a Sheik Elite with a reservoir tip.

- Anything else?

- We're just getting to know him.

It's not like we're getting married

or anything, is it?

No. I mean, no.

I mean no. No.

Good morning.

Welcome to A.M. Baltimore.

Our guests today

are Dan Hanson and Lorie Bryer,

two columnists

from the Baltimore Sun,

whose competing columns

have caused quite a stir.

Good morning. Were you surprised

by the success of your columns?

- Well, no, actually...

- I...

Sorry, go ahead.

I wonder if people would

notice what we were saying...

...if they were normal editorials,

without this competition thing.

We're getting read, that's the important

thing. We make people think.

Maybe. But is it what we say,

or is it just a gimmick?

Do you two ever stop arguing?

Tell us if this is right... We've heard

that you two are living together.

Well, I'd rather not go into that.

Not yet. Let me put it that way.

Isn't that great?

Why did that upset you so much?

What is this "not yet" stuff?

We've talked about moving in.

No. I have been talking about it,

you have been ignoring me.

Does that mean you want to move in?

Well, we need to talk about it.

That is such prime

Dan Hanson material.

Do we talk about it at home alone,

or in front of 500,000 people

we don't know?

Come on. That show doesn't get

500,000 viewers, does it?

You're impossible. Impossible.

Excuse me, sorry to interrupt.

I'm Wally Thurman,

the station manager.

- Hi.

- You two are both terrific.

- Thank you.

- Terrific together.

As a team.

Have you ever considered

being on TV regularly?

- Yes. No.

- No. Yes.

Well, actually, we do talk about it,

we feel it's a natural evolution

of what we've been doing.

Stand by, please.

Five, four, three, two, one.

- Hi. I'm Dan Hanson.

- And I'm Lorie Bryer.

- And this is He Said...

- ...She Said.

Today's issue is garbage. Our dumps

will be full in 10 years, what then?

Some people feel it's the government's

responsibility, and maybe they're right.

But as my Uncle Olaf says,

"You make the trash, you take it out."

And that's the way I see it.

- You were great.

- No, you were.

You even made me look good.

Let's do it. Let's move in together.

Hey, Larry.

I'll consider this relationship a success

when you clean your coffee cup.

- What shall we do today?

- I don't know...

I thought we'd stay in.

Hey, Dan!

- Hey, guys.

- Three on three in the park.

Yeah.

Actually, I'm just going

to stay in today. Thanks.

- Oh, man, let's go.

- What a baby!

Oh, hi, Dan. How are you today?

I'm fine...

but I'm gonna stay in.

Linda?

Dan, hurry up.

Come on, you're missing the party.

I'll be right down.

You know...

...I definitely think

we should stay in today.

Whatever you say.

I didn't change enough? Oh, come on.

I changed everything in my life for her.

You're better off.

The things I could have done

if I didn't have to come home to her.

- What things?

- How should I know, I didn't do them.

All right. You, enough of this.

You go up there right now.

Take her in your arms

and tell her you love her.

No, it's too late, Mrs Spepk.

This is it. It's over.

- Dan, you can't be serious.

- Mr Spepk...

Here's my keys. Tell Lorie

there's no need to change the locks.

Here, take this.

Thanks.

- Hi, Dan.

- Hi.

- Are you OK?

- Yeah.

- Wally called. He told me all about it.

- Wow! News travels fast.

Boy, you look great.

It's really good to see you.

- Maybe we shouldn't sit here.

- Why?

What's the difference? Never mind.

- So you know Wally?

- Yes. He's been chasing me forever.

- Almost as long as you.

- I never chased you.

You never had to.

Wally asked me to try

to get you two back together.

- What did you say?

- I said I'd try real hard, for the show.

One problem:

the show is not available any more.

- So you are, right?

- They don't want me single.

I'm not as picky.

- Got a place to stay?

- Well, actually...

My company put me in a suite hotel.

I have a sofa and an extra room.

- I'd love you to stay with me.

- Dan.

- Oh, Mark, hi.

- How's the wound?

It's...OK.

Yeah.

Well, I've got to get back, so...

See you.

- So what happened this morning?

- All right. I was in the green room...

- Why is this called the green room?

- I don't know.

Probably some theatrical tradition.

Something to do with Shakespeare,

or something.

- Oh, Christ, Lorie.

- What?

Your cup. Your goddamned cup.

So...

...have you heard from Linda?

You know, or you wouldn't ask.

Did you read her letter?

No. It wasn't addressed to me.

- Is that what's bothering you?

- It just seems strange.

She moves out of town and sends

Christmas cards to both of us.

So a letter addressed just to you

made me wonder.

Why is this bothering you now?

We're on top of the world.

OK. She is coming into town.

I mean, she's here, in fact.

- Have you seen her?

- No, I have not.

As a matter of fact, if you want to,

we'll have drinks with her today.

- Weren't you going to tell me?

- Honey, I just did.

- God, Dan. Sometimes, I swear...

- What's the matter with you?

How can you be jealous after so long?

Apparently I still have reason to be.

You were going to see her

and not tell me.

I was going to see her,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes