He Said, She Said Page #3

Doesn't this ever happen to you?

You wake up and don't feel real...

You feel you're not living the life

you're supposed to be living.

Like all your choices are wrong?

You're just tired.

No, I'm not tired.

You don't understand.

I don't love you.

I mean... I've known you longer

than any other woman in my life, but...

...I shouldn't be in bed

with somebody I don't love.

Do you know how often you've

woken up at 4.15 with deep insights?

Yeah.

And they're always right.

What are you saying?

I know who I should be with.

And I only want to go to bed with her.

I'm sorry, Linda.

Dan...

You know this woman,

the one you're dumping me for?

She isn't worth it.

- Hi.

- Hi.

How long have you been here?

A while.

I brought you some orange juice

and doughnuts.

But I ate the doughnuts.

Look...

I only want to be with you, and I don't

want you to be with anyone else but me.

Please say something.

That's how it began.

Wait a minute, back up.

This Linda, is this Linda Metzger?

- You slept with her?

- You know her?

Of course. I tried to sleep with her

all through college.

- How did you meet?

- Well...

Hold on, which life story do you want?

I made a promo for tomorrow's show.

It's great.

Hi, Dan, how's the head?

She got you pretty good, huh?

I slowed it down and transferred it.

You can see the lettering on the mug.

As my Uncle Olaf used to say,

"Why fix it, if it ain't broken?"

And that's the way I see it... Ow!

You never know what's going to be

tossed around on He Said, She Said.

See Hanson and Bryer, Round Two,

tomorrow at noon on Channel 11.

- The way it spins around...

- I think I gotta lie down again.

Mr Thurman, it's him.

Bill Weller on one.

Jesus.

Hello, this is Wallace Thurman,

station manager at WBAL.

It's a pleasure

to be speaking to you directly.

Hanson and Bryer. No problem, sir.

Just a moment.

He wants you and Lorie

on the speakerphone.

Put him on, I'll improvise.

One problem:

I've never used the speakerphone.

- Thanks.

- Who's there?

Hello, this is Dan Hanson.

I'm here with Wally Thurman.

- And this is Ray, our technical director.

- Lorie Bryer is in the bathroom.

Can't be helped, I guess.

Let me cut to the chase.

- I'm buying your crummy little show.

- We know, sir...

That stunt you pulled, Hanson,

you and Miss Bryer...

That was pure magic

for enhancing ratings.

I don't care if you hate each other

or if you faked it.

You just milk this situation

for every nickel it's worth.

We're excited that you're excited.

- I'm not excited, I'm greedy.

- Greed is good.

I'm greedy and determined.

To make sure it goes well,

I'll be there for tomorrow's show.

Don't screw up.

- Come back, it was a mistake.

- He's gone.

What...? Oh.

Come on.

This is ridiculous.

Lorie... Lorie, honey.

Come on, open up.

Lorie, what's going on?

Lorie, I know you're in there.

Please, honey, talk to me.

I brought you some of Rita's slaw.

- Take it away.

- Come on.

- I hate it.

- I thought you liked it.

- I was just being polite.

- For three years?

- Go away.

- What? I live here!

Not any more.

How's your head?

It hurts, it's bleeding.

I might need stitches.

I'm sorry, I just couldn't

take it any more.

Looking up at your fat, smug face,

I couldn't help myself.

Thanks, honey.

That's quite an apology.

Why is my stuff in the hall?

What does it mean?

It means it took this whole TV thing,

the show and its success

and what it's done to us...

...to make me realise

that we want different things.

I've always known that, but...

...I kept thinking that some day

it would get easier...

...but I don't think

you're ever going to change.

Wait a minute.

Things are going great for us.

We can't split over one fight.

There's too much at stake.

Honey, please.

I don't want it to be over.

You used to like me the way I was.

I still do.

I love you.

But I need more from you.

Well, I just don't know

what else I can give you.

Well...

Is that Rita's coleslaw?

- Yeah. Do you want it?

- Yeah.

- Hold on, I'll bring it down.

- Thank you. I appreciate it.

Here...

I'll give you a dollar. It's only fair.

- And come on in. You look like sh*t.

- OK. Thanks.

Oh, so there he is.

- Hi, Mrs Spepk.

- Sit down.

- I'll get something for your head.

- Thanks...

...but a bump is not the problem.

I know what the problem is.

You see, in my day, young people got

married before they slept together.

Bullshit. We slept together

before we were married.

We did not. And you didn't marry

for love back then, either.

- Love came later.

- I'm still waiting.

Thank you very much, Mrs Spepk,

Mr Spepk. But I've really got to go.

You've done it this time,

she wants me to change the locks.

You're kidding.

She asked you to do that?

You won't be breaking

any more windows.

- What do you mean?

- Remember the window you broke?

- Yes, but I didn't break it.

- You did, don't you remember?

I did not break that window. Lorie did.

- Wake up.

- What are you doing?

We have to get out.

The room is flooding.

- It's not flooding.

- I got you a raincoat.

Thanks. You're sleeping.

Come on, let's go back to bed.

- We have to leave.

- I know, we will...

But not right now.

I'll call a cab, a gondola.

When you wake up, he'll be here. OK?

- All right.

- Good.

Don't forget your raincoat.

No, I won't. Just go to sleep now.

No, I do not sleepwalk.

Other people would have told me.

- You're not my first overnight guest.

- Did the windows break themselves?

- Pick-up for Hanson.

- Two pastramis on rye?

That's it.

Hey, you're that guy.

I've seen your picture.

And you. You two...

No! Get out of here.

Rita, come see who's here.

I've got to get a picture

for my wall of fame.

- Rita.

- I heard you before, Pop.

Look who's here.

It's the people who argue.

And guess what, they're in love.

Wow. It's really nice to meet you.

I love your column.

- Thank you.

- Hold these up for the camera.

Step back over there.

Hold 'em up real nice and high.

Smile big. Yeah.

Wait a minute.

Look at that. Hold this.

Hey, look what I got!

You're beautiful!

- Hey.

- What?

I love you.

I'm not telling you this to get

the exact same response from you.

I feel very warmly towards you,

and I think it's great...

...that you're not asking me to be

exactly where you are right now.

OK, I only know your side of the story,

I haven't treated Lorie yet,

but I know you well enough to know...

...that any concerns that

she has about you are justified.

Verbalisation's the key here.

In order to achieve a mature,

empathic resonance with your partner,

you've got to share your feelings.

I know, that's why I'm here.

Now. We have had

tremendous results...

...real breakthroughs...

...with these.

Eric, that's a puppet.

My clients express their feelings

without becoming too vulnerable.

We call them emotional surrogates.

I love you, Dan.

I love you.

- Come on, you try.

- I really don't want to.

Come on.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes