Head in the Clouds Page #4

Why did you decide to become a nurse?

I wanted to be a dancer.

My father was a coal miner. An anarchist.

Our house was full of politics all the time...

but I would always be running away

to dance.

Two years ago, they declared

a Socialist Republic in Asturias.

A house in our street became a hospital.

I tried to help, but I didn't know anything.

And people were...

dying in my arms.

And then the soldiers came.

I tried to stop them from taking my brother

and that's when they hurt my leg.

After that, I knew I couldn't be a dancer.

And I wanted to help people.

So that's why I am becoming a nurse...

and why I need to go back to my country.

Hello.

How did it go?

It was fine.

You're doing another exhibition?

We played around with a few different ideas.

I did most of the talking.

Why are you two looking so miserable?

Trois cognacs.

We saw a newsreel on Spain.

You were supposed to be cheering her up.

It was my idea.

We wanted to see what else was going on

in the world.

There will always be wars...

while there are people dying to be martyrs.

Go on. Say how guilty you feel.

Afterwards, we sat out in the gardens.

I'm serious.

You need to get it out of your system.

Because you feel guilty

that life is good here...

while terrible things are happening there.

After you've talked about it, you'll feel

better because you've shown you care.

To you...

for getting rid of that vile man.

And you...

for getting rid of your guilt.

To us.

To us.

You live in a cocoon.

You don't think about the world outside.

I give my allegiance to those around me.

We share the world

whether we like it or not.

You can share my bed as long as you don't

bring your newsreels or newspapers into it.

Marry me.

What?

I'm serious.

If I woke one morning

and you'd turned into a husband, I'd flee.

How would it be any different?

Once people get married, they stop trying.

Anyway, you would want to have children.

One day.

You should have one with Mia.

He'd be beautiful.

Sometimes you say the first thing

that comes into your head.

Should I censor what I say?

If I had a child, I'd have it with you.

My mother was mad. You've met my father.

I have doomed genes.

You talk such nonsense.

Lift your head.

Raise the backlight.

It's alright, Guy can do it.

What's wrong?

Things are getting worse in Spain.

There are friends of mine there now.

And you want to go get yourself killed, too

in someone else's war?

It's not someone else's war.

It's as much ours

as if it was happening here.

We all share the same world.

Any trained nurses they'll take at once.

I've got an address for you to go to.

Who'll take any trained nurses at once?

I'm going to Spain.

I didn't want to say anything

until it was definite.

And it's time for me to go back, too.

They need nurses there.

We've been living together for a year.

Am I such an ogre that you can't even

discuss your plans with me?

I didn't see much point.

You didn't see much point in talking about

throwing away your life?

And taking Mia with you?

I was always going to go back

once I became a nurse.

You would just never listen.

Of course. I should have seen it coming.

You feed each other's guilt.

It's like a disease.

Thank God it hasn't infected me.

Gilda's father was traveling in America...

and as a kind of farewell

we spent the last week at the Chateau.

The sense of our departure

hung over every moment...

though it was never mentioned again

until the last day.

I can't drink any more.

Yes, you can.

We're drinking for all those times...

we won't be able to drink together again.

There'll be periods of leave

when I can come back to Paris.

I wouldn't want to see you

if you came back with some hideous injury.

Come on, we're still drinking.

You're not going to sleep.

Wake up.

I'm tired.

Gilda, you're drunk.

Why do you have to go as well?

Traitor.

Wait.

Fire!

Forward.

Poor bastards. They didn't stand a chance.

They've been posing for over half an hour.

My dear Gilda...

yesterday, in an ambush

behind the enemy lines...

I killed a young Nationalist soldier.

How inadequate those words seem.

He was clutching a locket when he died...

with a photograph of a young woman.

I suppose, as I write this

she's waiting for news of him...

hoping against hope he is safe.

Dearest Gilda...

still no word from you

which breaks my heart.

I know that to you all wars are useless...

and for us to risk our lives is a betrayal...

of ourselves and of you.

But my country's a part of me.

And if I was not here

I would be betraying myself...

and even more, my brother.

Believe me...

my being here does not mean

I love you any less.

Forgive me if you can...

and know that I think of you all the time.

I wonder if you are writing to either of us.

But I do beg you, at least, to write to Guy.

His unit is at Teruel...

where the fighting is especially bitter...

and made worse by the intense cold.

I can't stay.

We're operating in a few moments.

I know.

We treated men from your unit

a few days ago.

That's how I knew you were here.

I asked about you.

They said you have no nerves.

You're always the quiet one

in the centre of the storm.

If I am, it's because I'm too tired

to be frightened.

When do you finish your shift?

We never know. Where are you tonight?

Not far from here. It's an old tannery.

I know it.

If I can, I'll come.

You must be dead on your feet.

No. I have a secret weapon.

It's strong enough to help you forget

what you've seen during the day.

Have you heard from her?

I've had other letters, but none from her.

And you?

No.

Why won't she write?

She loves you more than she'll ever admit.

And one day you'll be together again

I know it.

These last few days, I've been asking

myself if any of this is worth it.

Perhaps she was right.

The world should be left to look after itself.

You know you don't believe that.

But what are we achieving?

With the Germans and the Italians

on their side, it's only a matter of time.

In that time, maybe the rest of the world

will begin to realise what's happening.

You were always the sensible one.

Was I?

Not in my choice of men, remember?

We should try to sleep.

You know, Gilda once said

we two should have a child.

You know she and I were lovers?

I knew underneath.

I wanted to tell you

but she always said you were too British.

She was probably right.

Those were the happiest times of my life...

the three of us together.

And you and I came here.

We had no choice.

How can I be so tired...

and still feel jealous?

I was jealous of you all the time.

She'd be pleased.

Everything needs her blessing.

Here's your lift.

My doctor friend.

He's convinced I'm some kind of saint

because I never go with anyone.

He was so relieved when I said

I wanted to come and see you.

He insisted on giving me a lift himself.

I finally got rid of my halo.

There is no second sight.

We grope towards our future blind.

It's kinder that way.

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