Head of State Page #6

on the face of the earth...

and I want to say:

God bless America!

And no place else.

Thank you. Thank you, children.

No more bombs now. And don't use guns.

- That went well.

- Very touching.

- The kids liked me.

- You were very genuine.

They responded.

I tried to hug a girl and a boy

so I wouldn't seem sexist.

Mr. Vice President!

Welcome to the show, Alderman Gilliam.

Surprised you're not somewhere

with your girlfriend.

How do you know about her?

I'm the government. I know everything.

We really should debate.

Let's get something straight.

I don't know you, and I don't like you.

Party's over. I'm fixing to whip your ass.

You got it?

Sir, we really should debate.

God bless America, and no place else.

Sir, we just got this off the uplink.

What is it?

An off-the-record comment by Mays Gilliam.

- Bad?

- Yes, sir.

Good work.

It's on! Guys, come here!

...Lewis was on the scene

comforting parents and students.

The press is in Lewis' back pocket.

In this CNB News exclusive,

our cameras caught Gilliam...

making what was arguably

the most controversial statement of the day.

They act like us.

We're bombing countries all the time.

If I was 12, I'd have a gun, too.

Tell me you didn't say that.

I didn't know the camera was on me.

I was playing around with some sound guy.

You didn't know the camera was on you?

Of course it's on you. It's always on you!

You're running for President!

I told you...

This is all your fault!

Gilliam is under investigation by the FBI...

for his involvement with this man...

friend and associate

and accused drug lord, Warren Pryor.

- Lord, we're going to jail.

- We're not going to jail.

Is it true?

What's up, Warren?

I know him, but I don't drug-lord know him.

It's just a guy I say "What's up?" to.

But I don't know him know him.

Do you have drugs on you?

Get them off, I'm not going to jail for you.

Are you on the pipe?

This is messed up

This really sucks

Every time you're doing good

trouble just pops up

He doesn't know what he's gonna do

This is messed up

This really sucks

Keep your head up, it's your best bet

Let's hope the election's not through

If you see Mays Gilliam,

please do not call the authorities.

Just do whatever you can

to make his life a living hell.

No more questions!

If I see Mays Gilliam,

I'll bust a cap in his ass.

Gilliam is done

and Big Dave says, "Waa-waa!"

Oh, God.

What am I going to do?

What are you worried about?

Your face isn't on the side of a bus.

I'll be the one taking a hit for this.

Get me on the news so I can apologize.

That's what the people want to hear.

You're probably right.

Make a statement of some kind,

try and sound sincere-

Just give me a break!

You think you can say you're sorry

and all of this will go away?

Mays, you're running for President

of the United States of America.

Do you have any idea why they chose you?

- We picked you because-

- Shut up!

You're here to lose.

Arnot picked you so you could lose.

Think about it.

If they had any idea

they could win this thing...

do you think they would have chosen

an ignorant-ass n*gger like you?

Wait up.

You're not calling me an ignorant n*gger...

and thinking you're staying on my bus.

I am not getting off this bus.

We're in the middle of nowhere-

Now you need a ride

from an ignorant n*gger.

I am not getting off this bus!

Apologize.

Security!

Damn you, Mays Gilliam!

You knew about this all along?

Is there trouble

inside the Gilliam campaign?

That's what Washington insiders

want to know after Gilliam's chief advisor...

Debra Lassiter, left the campaign trail.

Down in the polls,

Gilliam still has no running mate.

Sources say

the Teamsters may endorse Lewis.

Did Gilliam kill JonBenet Ramsay?

Police want to know.

The big question: Where is Mays Gilliam?

I'll tell you where he's at.

He's with his peeps!

- Hello?

- You up?

I was hoping you'd call. Are you okay?

I don't know. I guess I'm all right.

Come on, talk to Mama.

I don't know.

It seems like they're trying to get me.

Everywhere I turn,

they're trying to put a foot in my ass.

After what you said,

you need a foot put up in your ass.

What did you expect?

They would just make you President?

They take a poll for everything I do.

You ever been to a horserace?

My dad used to take me when I was little.

The horses wear blinders.

They don't even see each other.

They just run their race.

So don't worry about Lewis,

don't worry about the press...

just run your race.

Let me ask you something.

Okay.

What are you wearing?

Now, you know you need to stop.

Man, news travels fast.

Not 10 minutes after you fired me,

I had two offers for jobs.

Good offers.

What are you doing here?

I know you got no reason to trust me,

but I'm asking you to.

You've got five weeks left.

I know Lassiter is out, but I think...

I can help you do this.

I want to help you.

And I'm sorry, Mays.

I don't know what else to say...

but as bad as things look,

I don't think you should quit.

Who said I was quitting?

I wish I could quit.

I wish it was that easy.

You're lucky.

You are so lucky.

You don't know how good you got it.

You just represent yourself.

Me?

I represent my whole race.

If I quit...

there won't be another black candidate

for 50 years.

All right.

We can get rid of the school thing

with a statement that will blow things over.

But we need a running mate.

Who am I supposed to pick?

Nobody wants to run with me.

We need somebody we can trust.

Who do you trust?

In the midst of his own Cinderella story...

presidential candidate

Gilliam is shaking it up.

He's chosen his brother, Mitch Gilliam...

a bail bondsman from Chicago,

as his running mate.

Political analysts say this may be

too little, too late.

Hi, I'm with the Pork Commission-

I'm from the Athlete's Foot-

Brother!

Can you get my demo tape to somebody-

Are these your bags?

Look at my shoes and at the bags.

Shut up and follow me.

Back up.

What do you have to say about

your brother's controversial comments?

My gosh, lady,

my brother said he was sorry. Let it go.

See, that's why nobody like your ass.

We got work to do.

We way behind in the polls.

- Am I getting paid for this?

- Yeah.

You're running for the vice presidency.

You're a bail bondsman.

You have no Washington experience,

no political experience or connections.

How does being a bail bondsman

qualify you to be Vice President?

I am a bail bondsman.

People come to me when they in trouble,

like the USA.

We bail people out. We bail out Mexico...

the savings and loan, the airline industry.

Now you ask me, sir,

what qualify me to run for Vice President.

When the country is in trouble,

I'll bail them out.

Hold that thought.

We have a caller from Detroit.

Mitch! Why you looking around?

It's Reggie... Where my money at?

Don't call me with that bullshit!

You see I'm on TV.

What about NATO?

I never met Nato.

I don't talk about people behind their back.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes