Heathers Page #18

VERONICA hangs up and looks to her battered diary lying against

the wall. She crawls to the diary and then reaches

up to her night table to pull down her monocle and a pen.

She sucks a cup of Vodka and begins writing.

VERONICA (V.O.)

Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit

now has a body count.

Sitting up against her bed, VERONICA continues writing as

J.F.K. laps up Vodka from the Dixie cup.

VERONICA (V.O.)

The most popular people in the school

are dead. Everybody's sad, but it's a

good kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather

depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. I

gave J.D. sh*t about the Ich Luge thing

but what really frightens me is that

I'm not frightened by what J.D.'ll do

next. It's God versus my boyfriend

and God's losing....

VERONICA drops her head back and closes her eyes, popping out

her monocle. She swoons down against the bed onto the

floor and curls into a fetal slumber.

INT. THE CAFETERIA--DAY

STUDENTS eat and buzz together in typical cacophony. All are

wearing black armbands. A jukebox roars.

PAULINE FLEMING and an entourage of STUDENTS such as PETER

DAWSON and the HEATHERS invade the cafeteria, heads raised high.

PAULINE:

Peter, kill the jukebox.

As the music amusingly grinds to a halt, PAULINE hoists up

a bullhorn to her lips and crackles...

PAULINE:

Could I have your attention?

A startled Geek RODNEY splatters milk all over himself.

STUDENTS whip their heads around to the front of the cafeteria.

MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK warily looks up from her plate.

PAULINE FLEMING chants with soaring self-importance.

PAULINE:

Our school has been torn apart by

tragedy. I'm here today to fuse it

back together through Togetherness.

I want everyone to clasp hands.

We need to connect this cafeteria

into one mighty circuit.

A tableau of dumbfounded STUDENTS stare at the Bullhorn Woman.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF CAFETERIA--SAME TIME--DAY

Hungover in dark sunglasses, VERONICA bustles toward the

cafeteria entrance clinging to an armful of books while trying

to tie a black armband onto herself.

INT. THE CAFETERIA--DAY

PAULINE's Evita Peron-like composure is crumbling.

PAULINE:

Yo, what's the problem? I know you

know how to hold hands. Ring-around-

the-rosy-a-pocketful-of-posy...Forget it!

(looking to her watch then Peter)

Where are they?

Her back to the viewer, VERONICA enters the cafeteria. HEATHER

DUKE floats into view and tightly knots VERONICA's armband.

VERONICA:

I see Ms. Phlegm's on another crusade.

With usual success.

HEATHER DUKE:

(looking to the viewer)

I have a feeling this one'll work.

VERONICA turns to the viewer and half-gasps.

TWO 2-person video CAMERA CREWS and a STILL PHOTOGRAPHER burst

into the cafeteria slightly battering the in-the-way VERONICA.

PAULINE smiles in relief. She wields around, lifting the horn.

PAULINE:

The cameras are here! Lock your paws!

Slightly confused but Awesomed, a table of Country Club Kids

including COURTNEY stand and latch out to each other. A nearby

table with BETTY FINN and friends follow suit.

VERONICA looks on with a growing sense of queasiness.

The Cafeteria swirls into a frenzy with members of more

excitable cliques like the Jocks and the Heavy Metalers

jumping over and onto tables anxiously bumbling into hand-

holding constellations. CAMERA CREWS weave beside them.

In a corner, the PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a shot of a thumbs-up

PETER DAWSON with his arms around FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET.

PAULINE runs ahead of a hustling CAMERA CREW and grabs hold of

a chain of hand-holding Jocks. She pulls the chain until it

connects up with a grateful chain of BETTY FINNS.

A sleeping HEATHER MCNAMARA drearily awakens to the havoc around

her. She takes off her black armband, ties it around her

eyes, and droops her head back down on a table.

VERONICA lets her books slide from her hands, shaking her head.

MARTHA DUNNSTOCK nervously looks to her out-of-control peers.

HEATHER DUKE slyly looks to VERONICA with an "If you can't

beat em..." smile then saunters into the fray. She slides onto

the lap of Heavy Metaler Matt. The PHOTOGRAPHER snaps a shot.

PAULINE forces apart the handholding Heavy Metal lovers JACKIE

and STEVE, sandwiches DENNIS in between them, and madly departs.

The PHOTOGRAPHER now shoots a pic of a thumbs-up PETER DAWSON

with his arms around an ALL OUT NERD.

VERONICA stands before the chaos, back to the viewer, in much

the same way Heather Chandler did in the opening scene.

PAULINE and the Geek Squad look to MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK.

RODNEY:

I may be a geek, but I have my pride.

PAULINE:

Gotcha...Could I get some Stoners

over here please!

Frightened and flustered, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK quakes

for a moment then crawls underneath her table.

A last panoramic view of the hustling CAMERA CREWS amid the

panderingly anarchic STUDENTS unfolds.

VERONICA suddenly finds herself flanked by J.D. The exiting

CAMERA CREWS flow past them.

J.D.

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

A dumbfounded VERONICA watches PAULINE and PETER approach.

PETER:

I'm gonna need a VHS copy of all this by

Monday for my Princeton application.

PAULINE:

(looking to Veronica)

Veronica, there you are! Wasn't it Fab?

I've put peer pressure out to pasture!

VERONICA:

Oh come on, Pauline. What happens

tomorrow, when the cameras aren't here?

As they argue, J.D. looks out and sees MARTHA bob up from

beneath her table then dart back under. He ambles away....

PAULINE:

Why are you dissing me, Veronica? I'm

trying to redefine the high school

experience.....

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