Heathers Page #22

INT. THE SAWYER LIVING ROOM--DUSK

With her croquet mallet, VERONICA comes into her house,

sliding the patio door closed. MOM and DAD are watching a

video image of PAULINE FLEMING at a cafeteria table.

MOM:

Jason's kinda cute for a dark horse.

PAULINE (T.V.)

The Westerburg Suicides were tough on

all of us, but we shared the pain of

losing three very popular souls.

DAD:

I don't know about that coat he was

wearing though. Hey, isn't that the

flake we met at Open House.

A zombie VERONICA floats past her parents to stare at the T.V.

PAULINE (T.V.)

I came into the cafeteria and

asked them to hold hands. The

response was immediate.

Footage of the frenzied handholding Students unfolds upon the

screen with no evidence of the calculation behind it.

PAULINE's sanctimoniously dulcet tones go over the image.

PAULINE (V.O./T.V.)

My mere words liberated the students,

causing them to open their petals and

reveal their hopes and fears. By a

stroke of luck, T.V. cameras were

fortunate enough to happen to be on

hand to capture this spontaneous,

natural emotional outpouring of emotion.

VERONICA:

Happened to be on hand....spontaneous

natural emotional outpouring!

VERONICA clams up in anger as her parents babble.

DAD:

Look there's Heather.

MOM:

And there's Heather. Where are

you, Veronica?

The video image of PAULINE at a cafeteria table returns.

PAULINE (T.V.)

Whether to commit suicide is the most

important decision a teenager has to

make. With supervision from people like

myself, we can help young people make

the right decision.

With her croquet, VERONICA slams the on/off Button and

turns to her parents.

VERONICA:

I'm right here.

EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL--DUSK

MARTHA trudges outside of the school, the coke stain still

grotesquely encrusted to her BigFun T-shirt. She pins an

illegible-except-for-the-words-DEAR-WESTERBURG note onto her

shirt, over the stain. She continues moving toward a street

of passing cars.

INT. SAWYER FAMILY/T.V. ROOM--DUSK/NIGHT

The Sawyer family is on fire. VERONICA yanks the television

cord from its socket.

MOM:

Turn that back on!

VERONICA:

Can't you see, these little programs

eat up suicide with a spoon. They make

it seem like a cool thing to do.

DAD:

If we're not going to watch that

program, can I put on the game?

VERONICA:

Hey kids, make your parents and

teachers feel like sh*t! Get the

respect in death you'll never get

in life!

MOM:

Are you trying to tell me it is not

a troubled time for the nation's youth?

Get up off the floor, your dress is

getting filthy.

VERONICA:

Everybody cares about youth, not the

individual. All we want is to be treated

like human beings, not like guinea pigs

to be experimented on and not like

bunny rabbits to be patronized.

DAD:

I do not patronize bunny rabbits.

MOM:

Treated like human beings? Is that

what you said little Miss Voice of

a Generation? Just how do you think

adults act with other adults? You

think it's all just Doubles Tennis.

Adults can be horrible to other adults.

When teenagers complain that they

want to be treated like human beings,

it's usually because they are being

treated like human beings.

VERONICA leans against the wall with a melancholy smile.

VERONICA:

I guess I picked the wrong time

to be a human being.

MOM is embarassed for getting so involved. She meekly gestures

to a tray of pate with a compassionate smile.

MOM:

You'll live. Want some pate?

HEATHER DUKE suddenly breezes in the room, out of breath,

holding various shopping bags.

HEATHER DUKE:

Hi everyone, door was open. Have you

heard, Veronica? We were doing Chinese

at the Food Fair, right, when they

come over the radio and say Martha

Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She

bellyflopped in front of a car,

wearing a suicide note.

VERONICA:

(repulsed)

Is she dead?

HEATHER DUKE:

That's the punchline. She's still

alive, in stable condition. Another

case of a geek trying to imitate the

popular people of the school and

failing miserably. Is that pate?

VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE in the face.

INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

HEATHER DUKE paces the room holding an icepack to her jaw.

VERONICA is glumly sprawled on the ground.

VERONICA:

I said I was sorry.

HEATHER DUKE:

You are out of control. Heather and

Kurt were a shock, but Martha

Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed

suicide hotlines in her diapers.

VERONICA:

You're not funny. Turn on the radio.

HEATHER DUKE:

(Heather Chandleresque)

Martha couldn't take the heat so she

got out of the kitchen. Just think

what a better place the world would

be if every nimrod followed her cue.

VERONICA:

Just shut up and turn on the radio.

Hot Probs is on.

HEATHER DUKE:

Oh sh*t, yeah.

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