Heathers Page #23

HEATHER DUKE hastens to the radio and flicks it on. Ripping

open a bag of corn nuts, she sets herself down next to

VERONICA as a TROUBLED MALE VOICE cuts the air.

TROUBLED MALE VOICE (Radio)

I know it's supposed to be funny

that they never get off the island,

but still, sometimes I feel like I'm

on that island and Gilligan can be just

so stupid sometimes.

HEATHER DUKE:

This sounds like a good one.

INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH--NIGHT

A slob D.J. cackles into a conference call-type box.

D.J.

Dude, you've got to remember if it

wasn't for the courage of the fearless

crew, the Minnow would be lost. The

Minnow would be lost! Next call!

TROUBLED MALE VOICE

But Skipper hates me...

The D.J. rudely clicks off the TROUBLED MALE VOICE.

D.J.

Whoa, they're coming out early tonight.

What ever happened to abortions and acne?

You've got the Dogcatcher and you're

listening to Hot Probs.

INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

HEATHER MCNAMARA is sitting clandestinely on her bedroom floor

talking on the phone and through her radio. A dim lamp

provides the room's only light.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

My name is Heather, I mean, not Heather.

HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up at a Madonna poster on the wall.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

It's Madonna. Geez, no, not that.

HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up to a knick-knack of little gold bird.

INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

VERONICA and HEATHER DUKE simultaneously move into stunned

silence.

D.J. (radio)

Hey babe, I need a name?

INT. RADIO STATION BOOTH--NIGHT

HEATHER MCNAMARA (box)

My name is Tweety.

D.J.

Yo, Tweet, if you're going to tell

me you just saw a puttycat....

INT. HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

A broken-down HEATHER MCNAMARA sobs.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

God has cursed me, I think. The

last time I had sex, the guy killed

himself the next day. I'm failing Math.

INT. VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

HEATHER DUKE excitedlly jumps up as HEATHER MCNAMARA drones on.

HEATHER DUKE HEATHER MCNAMARA (radio)

Holy sh*t, that's My whole life is a mess.

Heather! We'll I was supposed to be

crucify her! captain of the cheerleading

team, but I probably won't

VERONICA because I miss practice when

Oh man, she knows we my Dad visits. My parents

listen to this show! are divorced and stuff and....

INT. CLASSROOM--DAY

A blackboard reads POOR LITTLE HEATHER.

VERONICA (V.O.)

Heather told everyone about Heather.

HEATHER MCNAMARA is revealed in the front row wearing her

cheerleader uniform. To the left, HEATHER DUKE dishes with

some dreamy GUYS. At the back of the classroom, VERONICA,

monocle in eye, writes in her diary.

VERONICA (V.O.)

Yes, Dear Diary, I've cut off Heather

Chandler's head and Heather Duke's head

has sprouted in its place like some

mythological thing my eighth grade

boyfriend would know about. Heather's

even doing the old note trick.

A HOMELY GIRL is seen reading a note, glancing to a TYPICAL JOCK.

VERONICA takes in the wicked panorama of the classroom.

VERONICA (V.O.)

I've seen J.D.'s way. I've seen Pauline's way.

Nothing's changed. I guess that's Heather's

way. And jesus, what about J.D.? I can't get

him out of my head. Are we going to the Prom?

Or to Hell? And where's Heather going?

HEATHER MCNAMARA suddenly rises and walks out of the classroom,

passing a GRUFF TEACHER in a trenchcoat, carrying a briefcase.

GRUFF TEACHER:

Where's Heather going?

HEATHER DUKE:

She's going to cry-y-y.

INT. GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY

HEATHER MCNAMARA struggles to open a bottle of sleeping pills.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

F***ing child protector caps.

INT. THE GRUFF TEACHER'S CLASSROOM--DAY

GRUFF TEACHER writes a math problem on the board. A flustered

VERONICA squirms in her seat then leaps up and runs to the door.

GRUFF TEACHER:

Now where's she going? Is somebody getting

raped today on All My Children or what?

INT. GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY

INT. HALLWAY--DAY

VERONICA races down the hall.

INT. GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY

HEATHER MCNAMARA is a chipmunk with a mouthful of pills.

She pulls a glass from her purse and turns on a faucet, but no

water comes out. She manages to mumble.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

Give me a break.

HEATHER MCNAMARA gets running water from another sink as

VERONICA rushes in. VERONICA punches HEATHER MCNAMARA's face

causing the pills to explode out of her mouth. HEATHER

MCNAMARA slumps against a stall, onto the floor.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

What are you trying to do? Kill me?

VERONICA jumps up and down on the pills on the floor.

VERONICA:

What were you trying to do? Sleep?

HEATHER MCNAMARA

Suicide is a private thing.

VERONICA lunges forward to strike her. HEATHER MCNAMARA

recoils with a wail. Half-regaining her composure, VERONICA

slides down next to HEATHER MCNAMARA.

VERONICA:

You're giving your life away to

become a goddamn statistic in U.S.

F***ing A Today. That's got to be

the least private thing I can think of.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt?

VERONICA:

If everyone jumped off a bridge,

young lady, would you?

HEATHER MCNAMARA wipes tears from her eyes and smiles weakly.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

Probably....

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