Heavenly Match Page #3

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ARE THOSE... COBWEBS

ALL OVER?

LOOK, I'VE GOT SOME QUESTIONS

ABOUT THIS SUNDAY'S SERVICE.

I'LL GET RIGHT BACK

TO BOTH OF YOU.

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD

FOCUS MORE ON YOUR JOB

AND TRUST JED TO DO HIS.

OH, CASEY,

I'M SURE

YOU CAN MANAGE:

TO SEE THAT...

THINGS ARE...

KEPT CLEAN AROUND HERE.

AFTER ALL, HOUSEKEEPING IS

A WOMAN'S PROVENANCE, ISN'T IT?

OH, SPEAKING OF, OLIVIA,

HAVE YOU SIGNED UP FOR

THE COMMUNITY SOUP KITCHEN YET?

-SOUP?

-YES.

I'LL SIGN YOU UP.

EXCUSE ME.

UM...

[CHURCH BELL TOLLING]

HEAR THESE WORDS

FROM THE GOSPEL OF MARK.

IN TODAY'S PASSAGE,

THERE WERE MANY LOST THINGS.

SHEEP. COINS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A CHILD

AND I WOULD LOSE SOMETHING,

MY MOTHER WOULD OFTEN TELL ME

IT WOULD BE IN THE LAST PLACE

THAT I LOOKED.

GOD NEVER GIVES UP FINDING US,

NO MATTER:

HOW FAR WE'VE WANDERED OFF,

NO MATTER WHAT CRACKS

WE'VE FALLEN INTO.

HE NEVER GIVES UP.

BUT ARE WE WILLING TO BE FOUND?

BECAUSE WHEN WE TRULY SURRENDER

TO THE CARE OF OUR SHEPHERD,

WE ARE RELINQUISHING OUR LIVES

TO A HIGHER AUTHORITY.

THANKS BE TO GOD.

AMEN.

[CONGREGATION]:
AMEN.

[]

MY GOALS FOR TODAY--

ONE, CONVINCE DAVID

IT'S A GOOD IDEA

I TOOK THE INTERIM

SENIOR MINISTER JOB.

TWO, CONVINCE MYSELF

IT'S A GOOD IDEA

THAT I TOOK THE INTERIM

SENIOR MINISTER JOB.

THREE, DON'T LET ON TO DAVID

THAT I HAVE THE URGE

TO NIBBLE ON HIS NECK.

FOUR, DON'T ACTUALLY

NIBBLE ON HIS NECK.

HEY, CASE.

GO GET YOUR SHOES.

COME ON.

OKAY.

SO HOW WAS:

YOUR DATE?

OKAY.

OKAY...

YOU NEED:

TO GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

AND JUST LET YOUR NATURAL RHYTHM

TAKE OVER.

LET ME GUIDE YOU.

SO WE'RE GOING TO TAKE

THREE STEPS...

AND THEN RELEASE. OKAY?

HERE WE GO.

ONE, TWO, THREE...

IT'S AN IMPROVEMENT, I GUESS.

SO, HOW'S CHURCH?

IT'S OKAY, I GUESS.

I FEEL LIKE I MISSED

A FEW CLASSES:

AT DIVINITY SCHOOL,

LIKE PLUMBING 101,

INTRODUCTION TO CULINARY SCHOOL,

HOUSE CLEANING.

AND HERE I THOUGH ALL I NEEDED

WAS A SIMPLE UNDERSTANDING

OF THE BIBLE:

AND SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY.

YOU DESERVE YOUR SHO AT A HEALTHY PASTORATE.

YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T IT.

I JUST--

I JUST WANT TO BE TOP DOG

FOR A LITTLE BIT,

LIKE WHAT YOU GET TO EXPERIENCE

EVERY DAY.

LOOK, IF YOU'RE HELLBEN ON DOING THIS,

THEN THERE'S A FEW

SENIOR PASTOR SECRETS

THAT I NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT.

WHAT? THERE ARE SECRETS?

YOU NEVER TOLD ME

THERE WERE SECRETS!

YOU DIDN'T NEED THEM BEFORE.

YOU WERE NEVER A SENIOR PASTOR

AT A SIGNIFICANT CONGREGATION.

AS OPPOSED TO:

AN INSIGNIFICANT CONGREGATION?

I SEE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU NEVER

TOLD ME THERE WERE SECRETS.

THIS INFORMATION IS ON

A NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS ONLY.

OKAY.

SECRET NUMBER ONE--

AT LEAST ONCE:

DURING EVERY SERMON,

YOU WANT TO LIF THE BIBLE UP IN THE AIR

AND YOU WANT TO WAVE IT AROUND.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS.

I AM SERIOUS.

OKAY, WELL,

I JUST DON'T KNOW

HOW THAT'S GOING

TO HELP.

CONGREGATIONS WANT SOMEONE

THAT'S GOING TO BE ABLE

TO PREACH THE MATERIAL.

NICE. OKAY, SECRET NUMBER TWO--

VISIT ANYONE:

THAT GOES IN THE HOSPITAL

WITHIN 24 HOURS.

OH, WOW.

WHO WOULDN'T DO THAT?

YOU'D BE SURPRISED.

I COULD TELL YOU SOME

HORROR STORIES AT ST. HELGA'S

THAT WOULD CURL YOUR HAIR.

PLEASE DON'T.

I'M ALREADY USING

SIX DIFFERENT TYPES OF GELS

TO KEEP IT STRAIGHT AS IT IS.

IT DOES LOOK:

KIND OF STRAW-LIKE,

I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

ALL RIGHT,

WHAT'S SECRET NUMBER THREE?

NEVER DRIVE A BETTER CAR

THAN YOUR PARISHIONERS.

DONE!

GOT THAT ONE!

HOW IS ANY OF THIS

GOING TO HELP ME

BECOME A BETTER:

SENIOR MINISTER?

HEY, HEY!

DON'T UNDERESTIMATE MY ADVICE.

IT'S GOLDEN.

THERE IS ONE MORE THING.

DON'T DATE A PARISHIONER.

THAT'S, LIKE, THE SECOND TIME

YOU'VE WARNED ME OFF

WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

AND HOW IS ANY OF THA GOING TO HELP ME

GET MRS. TOMPKINS OFF MY BACK

AND CONVINCE THE BOARD

THAT I CAN LEAD:

THE CONGREGATION?

WOW!

WHEN YOU'RE THE TOP DOG,

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO PROJEC ALL SORTS OF STUFF ON YOU,

BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW

THAT IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

YOU CAN'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

OKAY, I'M PRETTY SURE

I COULD HAVE FIGURED

THAT ONE OUT ON MY OWN.

THANK YOU.

CASE, YOU KIND OF HAVE A HABI OF NOT REALLY

FIGURING THINGS OU UNTIL A LITTLE BI AFTER THE FACT.

[CHURCH BELL TOLLING]

[OLIVIA]:
I BROUGH A LITTLE TREAT FOR OUR MEETING.

[MAN]:
OH, OLIVIA, THANK YOU.

YOUR WONDERFUL COOKIES.

MM! MY FAVORITE.

DELICIOUS AS ALWAYS, OLIVIA.

WE HAVE TO HAVE:

SOME COFFEE:

WITH THE BLONDIES.

OH, CASEY,

PERFECT TIMING.

WOULD YOU PLEASE

GET THE COFFEE?

WE HAVE:

A CONFIRMED REPOR FROM THE MONEY COUNTERS

THAT THE CASH OFFERINGS

ARE DOWN SIGNIFICANTLY

IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS.

WELL, PEOPLE

ARE CLEARLY EXPRESSING

THEIR DISPLEASURE

WITH CASEY IN THE PULPIT.

WELL, THE QUESTION

WE HAVE TO CONSIDER IS

ARE WE CONCERNED ABOUT THEF OR WHETHER IT'S

A REGULAR FLUCTUATION?

WELL, I CAN'T IMAGINE

ANYONE WOULD WITHHOLD

THEIR OFFERING BECAUSE OF CASEY.

[CASEY]:
UM, THERE HAVE BEEN

A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT OF TOWN

AND A LITTLE BIT OF RESTLESSNESS

BECAUSE OF REVEREND BLACK'S

DEPARTURE.

[OLIVIA]:

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW

BEFORE CASEY CRIPPLES

THIS CHURCH FINANCIALLY.

I HATE TO DISAGREE

WITH YOU, OLIVIA.

I'M NOT PREPARED TO

JUMP TO THA CONCLUSION JUST YET.

I THINK WE HAVE TO ADOP A WAIT-AND-SEE ATTITUDE.

[CASEY]:
I'M WILLING TO BE THAT IT'S A TIMING THING.

IF WE JUST GIVE IT SOME TIME.

I AGREE.

SHALL WE VOTE?

EXCELLENT.

CARRIED.

CASEY?

JUST BE CAREFUL, OKAY?

DON'T DO ANY DAMAGE

UNTIL WE CAN GE A REAL MINISTER IN, OKAY?

OKAY.

OKAY, GOOD.

OH, COFFEE.

OKAY...

LET'S GET THIS MEETING STARTED.

YOU'VE FLOURISHED

AS A SOLO PASTOR

WHILE I'VE COLLAPSED

UNDER THE WEIGH OF CONFLICT AND CRITICISM.

I CAN'T HANDLE

ANOTHER CONFLICT RIGHT NOW.

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU TALKED ME INTO DOING

YOUR CRAZY WORKOUT PROGRAM.

THAT WAS NUTS.

IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.

LOOK, YOU'RE ONLY AFRAID

OF CONFLIC BECAUSE OF YOUR LAST CHURCH,

AND YOU SHOULDN'T BE.

WELL, YEAH.

THAT CONGREGATION

HAD IT OUT FOR ME.

I MEAN, THEY NOT ONLY HATED ME,

THEY SERIOUSLY DISLIKED ME.

THERE WERE SCATHING REVIEWS,

UNSIGNED LETTERS

AND SECRET MEETINGS.

[RONNIE]:
YOU'RE STILL

LICKING YOUR WOUNDS.

LOOK, CONFLICT ISN'T ALWAYS BAD.

I MEAN,

SOMETIMES, IT'S A GOOD THING.

SOMETIMES, IT HELPS YOU GROW.

I DON'T WANT TO GROW!

I JUST WANT TO:

GET PAST THIS.

HAVE YOU CALLED DAVID?

AND WHAT WOULD I SAY?

"HEY, DAVID,

"I'VE RECENTLY DEVELOPED

A CRUSH ON YOU.

DO YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER?"

SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

I NEED DIVINE INTERVENTION.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

IS TO GE YOUR BOOTY IN GEAR

AND CALL HIM.

YOU KNOW?

COME ON, DO IT NOW,

WHILE YOU'VE GOT HIM

ALL THROWN OFF.

REALLY?

YES!

WHAT ARE YOU:

WAITING FOR?

-OKAY.

-JUST DO IT!

OKAY.

GREAT.

AND CALL ME RIGHT AFTERWARDS.

I NEED THE JUICE.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE

SORE TOMORROW.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

GRANT ME FAITH, O LORD.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

HELLO?

[CASEY]:
HI, DAVID.

HEY, HART. WHAT'S UP?

NOTHING.

JUST RECOVERING:

FROM POWER YOGA.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I AM REFEREEING THE DESIGN

OF THE NEW WORSHIP CENTER.

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