Heavyweights Page #7

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And you're too weak!

Aah! Uhh!

Especially you,

Garner, Gerald...

age 11, 141 pounds!

So, come on!

You want a piece of me, Pops?

No one's taking

this camp away from me!

Ooh!

I'm afraid you're wrong.

You are through here.

- Are you OK?

- I'm all right.

You have to take a stand.

Uhh! Guhh!

Oh!

Uhh! Ahh!

- We did it, Roy.

- Yes, we did.

Sorry to ask you to deal

with this, Mr. Perkis.

That kid was always

a little off.

My parents didn't hug me.

You don't see me freaking out

like a little baby.

I'm going to take a bath

on this.

Listen, everybody...

don't freak out,

don't call your lawyers.

We'll get you your money back.

We make nice,

everybody's happy,

But for now,

we close down the camp.

Everybody go home.

Have a nice summer.

I got to get out of here.

I'd love to chat.

Good luck to all of you.

- Say something.

- Mr. Perkis, sir.

Papa.

Papa, we don't want to go home.

Wait a minute.

If you kids

want to stick it out...

all I need to do is

put an adult in charge--

put it on the responsibility

clause for the insurance.

Who's been here the longest?

- Four years.

- One year.

- Two.

- Four years.

- Three.

- Five.

Eighteen years.

Eighteen?

- Whoa.

- 18 years.

What the hell have you

been doing with yourself?

Are you up to it?

Pat. Pat.

Pat! Pat! Pat!

I'll sure try.

Hooray.

Ooh, yeah, OK.

Congratulations.

Here you go.

Do the hokey-pokey

and knock yourself out.

All right, Pat.

Enjoy yourselves.

You deserve it.

I'm proud of you.

Dear Grandma...

things have really

turned around at camp.

We're finally having

a great time.

Uhh!

Whoo!

Yee-haw!

We're in control,

and we like it.

We're putting things back

to the way they were...

and no one is going

to mess it up again.

Hey, Chris.

Where's the motor, man?

With Pat in charge...

we are united,

and we are strong.

Can I get that wrench,

Phillip?

Thank you.

Josh, how we doing?

Got a bent axle over here.

We can do anything...

even take on Camp MVP

in the Apache Relay.

And we can win--I think.

Welcome, everybody...

to the 33rd Annual

Apache Relay games--

the favorites, Camp MVP...

versus the perennial losers,

Camp Hope.

This relay today

will consist of three parts--

an obstacle course,

the Hall of Intelligence...

and the Grand Prix.

May the best team win.

All right, Cody,

give it your best shot.

Put a little pizzazz in it.

On your mark, get set...

Get up, get up!

Uhh!

Looks like

an MVP romp again, folks.

Uhh!

Go, go, go!

Here, take it!

Whoa!

Keep going.

You got it, man. Yeah.

It's just a couple more.

Come on.

Up. All right, here.

OK. All right. Ready?

Uhh!

Yeah!

- Aww.

- Give me the balloon.

All right.

You can do it. It's easy.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

I know you thought

we'd get creamed...

but I don't think

you'll get creamed riding this.

Whoa!

Did a little work on the motor.

Whoa.

You better

take that feather off.

I don't think

it'll fit under this.

Camp MVP is

setting a course record...

as they move into

the Hall of Intelligence.

Solve the equation.

- 55.

- No.

- 17?

- Nein.

Nine is the answer?

"Nein" is German for "no."

Artist and title, please.

Cher?

No.

Solve the equation.

Eleven.

Wunderbar. You may advance.

You must now name

five American vice presidents.

Quayle.

- George Washington.

- No.

- Quayle.

- You said that already.

Cher?

Da Vinci's "Mona Lisa."

Van Gogh's

"Houses at Auvers."

Botticelli's "La Primavera."

Over at

the Hall of Intelligence...

Camp Hope has almost

caught up to Camp MVP.

Can you believe it?

This is going to be

quite some finish, folks.

Right is gas,

left is brake.

- Alexander Haig?

- Sorry.

- Caught you.

- Shut up.

Nicholas, name five

American vice presidents.

Levi P. Morton,

John Calhoun...

Hubert Humphrey,

Spiro Agnew...

Walter Mondale.

That's perfect.

You may advance.

You Americans

have no sense of history.

Home stretch! Go, go!

Accelerate into the turns.

Don't forget.

Use your weight.

Lean into them.

Be careful.

This guy drives dirty.

- Thanks, Pat.

- Go get 'em.

Nicholas!

Come on!

I don't want to put

any pressure on you, Big Al...

but we have never lost

this race, all right?

Don't forget your wings, man.

Take 'em down, Captain.

Yeah! Ah ha!

Hey! Back off!

Whoa!

Ha ha!

So long, sucker!

Whoa! Aah!

Uhh!

Oh, shoot!

Come on!

Oh, no! Oh!

Go, Gerry.

They're coming!

All right, all right.

Go! Go, Gerry!

Hey! Come on!

- Come on!

- No!

Unh!

He's still behind!

He can't pass!

Come on! Unh!

No way!

Come on, Captain!

Come on, baby!

Ohhh.

Oooooooh!

Aah! Yeah!

Oh!

All right, Gerry!

- I flew, Pat!

- I know!

Hip-hip hooray!

Hip-hip hooray!

Hip-hip hooray!

- Yeah!

- All right!

You'll be happy to know that

we're filing a formal protest.

That cup belongs to us.

Oh, the cup?

This is what you want?

This is what your life

is all about, Chris?

I tell you what,

I'll airmail it...

back to camp for you,

all right?

Take care of that, Simms?

You're crazy!

You bet I'm crazy.

Come on! Get that cup!

- Oh!

- Crazy about my gal.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Hey, Pat...

thanks for the best

damn summer of my life!

Same here, Captain.

Whoo!

All right, guys!

Let's sing the inspiring

Camp Hope song!

Aw, come on! Here we go!

# Camp Hope, Camp Hope,

we sing to thee #

Come on, guys, sing!

# The greatest camp

in history #

# A place for boys-- #

Come on, Tim,

that song's boring.

Sing something cool.

You want to hear

something cool?

OK, cats, let's rock it.

Yow...huh!

# Camp Hope, Camp Hope,

the place for boys #

# We got no girls,

we got no toys #

# The bunks are hard,

the cabins hot #

# Last night,

a snake crawled in my cot #

# Make sure

the shower door is shut #

# Or else the 'squitos

bite your butt #

# And don't swim past

when your friends make #

# A warm spot in the lake #

All right, guys,

you're getting the hang of it!

Come on!

# Camp Hope, Camp Hope,

please give us food #

# We're starving in

a rotten mood #

# But still we're hanging

with our friends #

# So we hope

summer never ends #

All right!

Sounds good! Here we go!

# Here's a tip

that you should try #

# If people laugh

when you walk by #

# Just walk right up

and proudly state #

# Hey, back off, Jack,

I'm a heavyweight #

# Back off, Jack,

we're all heavyweights #

All right, guys!

Hey, look who's here!

# My name is Pat,

And he's our pal #

# And I'm Nurse Julie,

She's Pat's gal #

# You know I'm Tim,

And we're his band #

# And I am

Kenny the cameraman #

Stop!

Stop that stupid song!

You call that music?

# I know you think

you're all rock stars #

# But here's

an oompah song from Lars #

# About my favorite

Camp Hope job #

# The day that

I harpooned the Blob #

# And just

to make it very clear #

# I was not scared of

that big deer #

# And although

Tony is not here #

# I still enjoy Camp Hope #

Thanks, Lars.

That's great.

All right, guys,

you ready to take it home?

- Yeah!

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