Held Up Page #2

Look, look, look. Rae, listen.

Now, black people don't do

this kind of stuff.

Mountain climbing,

getting lost in the forest...

...taking rides with people

we don't know, we don't do that.

So let's just chill, okay?

Goodbye, Michael. I'm leaving.

What you mean-?

- I can't do this.

- You can't do what?

I can't be with you anymore, Michael.

You really tripping.

Oh, now you're gonna

give the ring back.

Okay, come on.

Well, I spent a lot of money on the ring.

No, I didn't mean it like that, Rae.

I may not be an expert, Michael,

but women like to feel important.

The little things, like, well,

sending them flowers for no reason...

...or leaving little notes

in their sock drawers.

Uncle Fester, if you don't get

out of here- Okay, look, Rae.

You done had your fun,

you and the Beverly Hill-buddies.

I'm gonna count to three, and I want you

to get your narrow tail off of this truck.

One.

Two.

I'm at two, Rae. This is two.

Okay, well, go on, then.

I don't need you.

I'm just playing, Rae.

Rae, I'm playing.

What about my ring?

I'll FedEx it to you!

- Damn.

- Don't try to call my mama's house!

Girl, your mother loves me.

What?

I'll call if I want to.

What the hell?

Tough break, man.

Pretty stupid to lock

your keys in like that.

Wasn't stupid, man.

I was just in a hurry.

You gotta be careful.

This is a classic car.

Gotta know what you're doing.

- Damn.

- I can open it, you know.

- You can?

- Fifty bucks.

Fifty bucks, partner?

Who you trying to fool, man?

Fifty dollars,

I can get in there myself.

I heard some of them cowboys say

your girlfriend had a cute butt.

Is that what they said?

It was the tall one, wasn't it?

I'm gonna kick his ass.

Look, all right, this is 50.

It's all I got.

But you get it after you

get in here, okay?

You open it, the money's yours.

Let's go.

- Well, I'm gonna need a hanger.

- Okay.

- I can't do it without a hanger.

- I'll grab you a hanger...

...and a Wet-Nap to get your

Slush Puppie mess off of my ride.

For 50 bucks, you should have

your own hanger.

Yes.

Excuse me, Bing, do you work here?

No, I just like wearing plaid.

- Look, I need to get a hanger from you.

- I need 14.75 for the gas.

Fourteen-seventy-five.

Okay, look here.

- Look, I'm in a hurry. This is all I got.

- Better get something else then.

All right.

Fourteen-seventy-five for the gas...

...35.25 for a hanger.

You don't need a hanger.

I do need a hanger. If you was

in my business, like earlier...

...you'd understand the man can't

get into my car without a hanger.

- Wanna bet that 50 bucks?

- I will double down on the 50 bucks...

...and the plaid shirt.

Hey, hey. Get out of my ride!

Oh, I'm gonna kick your ass.

Your little ass is kicked.

I'm gonna kick your ass!

Goddamn!

I need a phone.

- Sheriff's number is on the side.

- Okay.

I need a quarter from you, boss.

I ain't got no quarters.

What kind of store

ain't got no quarters?

Hey, look here, partner.

What I got to do

to get a quarter around here?

I know where you can make a quick

100 if you like wearing tights.

Come on, man.

I am in The Twilight Zone.

What you need, Opie?

Are you Puff Daddy?

Do I look like Puff Daddy to you?

You got a quarter?

Yeah, I am Puff Daddy. It's amazing

how you saw through my disguise.

I need to make a call. I gotta call my

record company and check on my-

You know they're going back

to eight-tracks? Do you rap?

Because you could be Too Short.

- Jose.

- You know, Vanilla Too Short.

Sheriff's office.

I need to report a stolen car.

Bummer. The sheriff's not here.

He's at the baseball game.

Damn, why don't that surprise me?

I can have Rick drop by.

Rick? Does Rick have anything

to do with law enforcement?

Does he carry a gun,

badge, sh*t like that?

He's the deputy.

Cool. Send Rick on over here, then.

Where are you?

I'm at the Pis & Piz.

No, I'm sorry, the Sip & Zip.

When you see him,

tell him Wilma says " hey. "

Okay. I'll tell him you said hey.

Want me to pick up

some his-and-her T-shirts too?

- No, just hey. Bye.

- All right.

Hey, hey. Don't you

need to know my name?

Figure you'll be the one

without the car.

Also, I have on a striped-

Hello? A striped-

Yeah, well, they said they're gonna

send somebody named Rick over.

This is cool. All right.

I got 50 bucks.

Minus the 14.75 for gas.

And his quarter.

Okay, I got $35.

And I got six hours

to make it to the airport.

Jose's daughter's taking a load

of grapefruit to the airport.

She could take you.

Can she get me there by 6?

Oh, man, tell him- I'll tell him.

Thank you, man.

You've saved my life-ay.

I don't know how to thank your ass.

He says the $35 would be nice.

The $35. All right. I'll tell you what.

I'll give her half when she gets here.

I'll give her the other half-ay

when we get to the airport-o.

Taco bueno.

He says okay, except you look

like the guy who stole his stereo.

But I've never met you.

Come on with the jokes.

He don't need to steal anything.

He's Puffy.

That's right. I don't need to steal.

I'm Puffy.

Give it to me. You got my back.

- We bad.

- Daddy's gonna be all right.

When life hands you lemons,

what do you do?

I like to make a light hollandaise sauce

with a salmon frapp.

- Sounds good.

- Yeah. Hell, I'm starving.

No. To the right.

Man, you suck.

Oh, it's a stupid game anyway.

Go to college.

- Mr. Daddy?

- Yeah?

Can you sign my hat?

- You want Puff Daddy's autograph?

- Yeah!

Oh, well, yeah. What's your name?

Rusty.

"To R-" Wait a minute.

That's too soft.

You got to be

"To Bustin' Rusty," huh?

" Recognize. "

" Hugs and kisses. Puffy. "

- There you go.

- Oh, this is dope!

Yeah, it's dope.

Wait, you gotta put the hat right.

See, you gotta put it right there.

Now you suave, see?

Get your shirt right.

What are these, gauchos?

Let your gauchos hang.

Now you can hang

with the homeboys.

In the 'hood?

- In the what?

- In the 'hood.

Where else would you be, huh?

Of course in the 'hood.

- You a warrior?

- Yeah.

- Are you down?

- Yeah!

That's what I'm saying. You gotta be

a warrior to hang with Puffy.

Get down. They're shooting.

I didn't want this for you.

You're too young.

Oh, my God, are you bleeding?

Afternoon, Jack.

Hello, Mary.

You busting a move on me, Puffy?

Yeah.

That's a little reflex. You gotta be ready

when you're in the streets.

You ever kill anybody?

Yeah, I probably have,

but I didn't stick around to see.

You know, I'm just tough like that.

Are these doughnuts fresh, Jack?

Fresh as usual.

- Are you her?

- What?

- The lady with the melons.

- What?

The lady with the grapefruits.

Are you her?

Hello? You ain't her.

That was quick.

Thanks, Jackie.

Maybe I can return the favour one day.

My bad.

Yo.

Hey, you looking for me? Where-?

How you doing?

Yeah, I saw the crate on the back,

so I figured you had to be her.

You know about the crate?

Yeah, well, he mentioned it.

Whipped cream, dog food, douche?

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