Held Up Page #3

You sure you want

the Spring Scented douche?

They say Fresh and Natural

beats it all to hell.

This is where it's at, on the frigging

counter, so this is what I want.

You got it.

Yes, I'll give you half of it now,

then I'll give you the rest of it later.

Hey, Jack,

how about some hot dogs?

Hot dogs not done yet.

Rodrigo.

- Doughnuts?

- They're done.

Rodrigo.

Shut up.

Well, Rodrigo, that'll be 9.57.

Quarters, if you don't mind.

I'd appreciate it.

Okay! Nobody move!

What?

Cool.

- What the hell are you doing in here?

- I came to get a hot dog.

- I was hungry-

- Who the hell is he?

- He's your guy.

- He ain't my guy.

I'm nobody's guy.

- He knows about the crate.

- Oh, Jesus. He knows about the crate.

- How do you know about the crate?

- Somebody told me the crate-

Y'all running grapefruit, huh?

He don't know sh*t, Rodrigo.

Would you stop using names?

Is that what I said to you?

I said not to use names, right?

Is that what I said to you, or was there

some other frigging idiot in the car?

- I thought you were talking to Trina.

- Hey, Sal!

Oh, great. Now, everybody got that?

I'm Rodrigo. That's Trina over there,

and the bigmouth is frigging Sal.

- Sorry, but he knows about the crate.

- Okay, shut up!

Okay.

Everybody, hands up!

Sal, see if he's got a weapon

under the counter. Come on.

Look, I see you got a lot

on your mind right now.

I got somewhere I gotta be.

I'm gonna give you this,

because I could-

Go over here and mind

my damn business. You can keep it.

What are you doing, huh?

Give her the shotgun!

- Watch what you're doing.

- He told me to do it.

Ma'am, that shotgun

has a hair trigger.

What is that?

- Hey!

- You know who you're fooling with?

This is Puff Daddy.

- He the man.

- Wha-? Chill, little man.

This is not the time nor the place

to be a warrior, all right?

He's hot.

It's so hot in here he's losing it.

Puffy is rough, he is tough,

and he will kick your ass, west side!

Hey, hey, hey, you raised in

a frigging sewer with a mouth like that?

Parents don't teach you nothing?

I got a gun, man. What the hell

are you thinking? Use your head.

Son, that gun can put a hollow-point

through a 2-inch steel plate at 50 yards.

- I'd do what he says.

- Okay.

Give me what you got in that thing.

Come on.

Sixteen bucks.

I don't believe this sh*t.

All you got in here is 16 bucks.

Check back after Labor Day.

That's our big weekend.

Rodrigo, check it out.

We're on Candid-frigging-Camera.

Sal, whipped cream.

Take care of it.

You told me to do it.

When I say take care of the camera...

...this is what I mean.

He's...

He lies. He's just...

- He's just an idiot, you know?

- Yes, ma'am.

And I try really hard.

Chew?

- Here you go.

- It's better if you don't swallow it.

It's good, ain't it?

Let me see the purse.

Let me see the purse.

Somebody got the jumbo pack.

- Hey, let's see the ring.

- Come on, man, leave her ring alone.

- Who are you now? Beverly Hills cop?

- No, I'm not a Hills cop.

Look. Look at her. The ring

probably ain't even real anyway.

- Yes, it is real.

- Would you work with me?

Give me the ring.

Okay, fine. It's insured.

Check out leatherhead.

- Come on, empty the pockets.

- They are empty.

- He says they're empty.

- Sal!

I don't trust him, man.

Look, bro, why don't you just minimize

all the pain and quit with the antics.

Just ask him about the safe.

- They got a safe?

- I know they got a safe.

Show me the safe.

I swear to God,

I waste him if you don't.

Oh, that'll teach me.

Okay, how about her?

Come on, man, be easy with the gun.

You see the girl is scared.

You never shut up?

Is that why your old lady dumped you?

Actually, she said he was an egotistical,

self-centred jackass.

- She did not say all that.

- I'm paraphrasing.

I told you, Trina. He had money.

I guess I can break that 50

for you now.

You got 50?

- Hey, you want a bag for all that?

- Yeah, please.

Get it, Trina.

- Sh*t, the cops.

- What?

Who called the cops?

- Who called the frigging cops?

- He did.

No- Well, yeah, I did call the cops

when my car got jacked.

Why the hell did you

come in here today?

I didn't know it was stick-up day.

- We're going to jail, Rodrigo.

- Shut up! Nobody's going to jail.

We'll get rid of the cop.

Just pretend we're in line, all right?

Just be cool. Don't try nothing,

or I put a bullet in his back.

Okay, in everybody's back!

- I have to get out of here.

- You're not going anywhere.

Check out those Doritos

over there. Go!

Just keep reading.

- Hey, kid.

- What?

- Play that game some more.

- Fine.

- Trina, fix up one of them hot dogs.

- Hot dogs ain't done yet.

Throw the frigging thing

in the microwave.

- Do it, Trina.

- I can't do it. I can't do it!

Just don't look at him.

You'll be all right

if you don't look at him.

- Howdy, Jack.

- Hello, Beau.

Which one of you

has got the stolen car?

- Yeah. You must be Rick.

- Deputy Beaumont.

Wilma told me to tell you " hey. "

Did she?

All right, I got some paperwork, if you

wanna follow me out to the cruiser.

Yeah, I would love to follow you-

You know what? I can't right now.

I can't even do it.

I gotta stay in here, back in line,

where the other people are...

...because they were witnesses.

Are you two together?

No. Matter of fact,

I don't even know him.

How you doing, man?

Mike. Mike Dawson.

How you doing?

All right. I'll tell you what.

I'll go out to the car,

and I'll get some forms...

...and I'll come back in,

we can discuss it however you like.

I think he bought it.

Yeah, sure. He sees a black man

buying douche every day.

How in perdition can you call him out

when he dropped the dadgum ball?

Yeah?

No, it's the mayor.

Rick Beaumont.

What is it, Beau?

He ain't buying it, Rodrigo.

Rodrigo, he ain't buying it.

What's he doing in there?

He's probably wondering

why we looking so ridiculous.

- What am I supposed to be doing?

- I don't know.

Buy something.

How am I supposed to pay for it?

I still can't break that 50.

Will there be anything else?

Horace!

I got an emergency. You're gonna

have to take over as coach.

Okay. What do I do?

Take it easy on him.

This is my home phone number.

If my girl answers, man...

...hang the phone up.

I don't wanna d-

All right, Mr. Dawson, that's plenty.

I'll go get this on the horn...

...and we'll see

what we can't come up with.

- Mary.

- Richard.

He bought it.

Just kidding.

Oh, sh*t!

The cop set us up.

He brought the whole frigging town.

The crate! The crate!

- Leave the damn crate.

- No, no, no! Help me!

- Let's go.

- No, no. We can't leave him.

We got the money. Go!

No, no! Trina!

Damn it, Beau,

watch where you're going.

Get him, boys.

- Those guys are crazy.

- No sh*t.

You fellas hold off.

Ain't no point in shooting up

public property if it ain't necessary.

Public property, my ass.

I own this place.

This is Sheriff Eli Pembry

of North Butte County.

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