Held Up Page #4

We've got you surrounded,

so you might just well give up...

...before this thing gets out of hand.

No, no, forget it.

Forget it, man!

Nobody out here wants to hurt you.

Forget it, man!

- You gringos is crazy!

- I got you.

I got you dead, dirtbag.

We just want you to walk out nice

and slow, give yourself up.

- That's it. Keep coming.

- Yeah, I got you.

I'm a hostage!

Give me that.

All you other peckerwoods,

don't fire unless you're fired upon!

- Man, those rednecks are crazy.

- No sh*t.

Back off!

Back off, or I start

throwing out bodies!

All right!

Somebody get me the book!

It's got all the answers.

- Careful, careful.

- Here.

Let's see here.

Ted, I need food and coffee.

- ASAP.

- Right.

I need the blueprints for this store,

and I need them yesterday.

Yes, sir.

Dale, go down to the surplus store...

...and see what they've got

in the way of tear gas.

- Gas?

- Come on.

- Beau.

- Yes, sir?

Call the chief of police in Vegas.

He's an old fishing buddy of mine.

- Tell him we need a SWAT team.

- You got it.

And will somebody kindly find out

who's winning the damn ball game?

Beverly Hills cop,

you're coming with me.

Hold on. You don't understand.

We're both minorities.

- Why don't you shut up.

- This ain't the Rainbow Coalition.

- They gonna shoot us-

- Shut up!

He's got a gun.

You're the sheriff? Oh, sh*t.

You know, you're turning into

one major pain in the ass for me, son.

What the hell did you do to him?

I didn't do nothing to him.

The hell he didn't.

He struck out my best hitter...

...with two outs

and the bases loaded.

Oh, now he's your best hitter.

- You ain't worth nothing as a hostage.

- What did I tell you?

- I gotta get in line to shoot you.

- Well, take a number.

Okay, listen up!

You get those hicks over here

to move this crate!

Man, don't call them hicks.

While you're in there,

see how many hostages he's got...

...and how many guns.

- Ready?

- On three.

- One, two-

- No way, compadre.

You guys ain't coming in here

with no guns.

Make them take those belts off!

- All right, take them off.

- ... call up a SWAT team.

Okay. Now, everybody...

- ... no pants.

- No pants?

- I don't want no surprises.

- That's a surprise.

Nobody comes in here with pants on.

Do it.

No shirts, neither.

Do it.

Oh, no. Sheriff, I gotta

get out of here, man.

Look, my name is Mike Dawson.

My girlfriend's name is Rae Swanson.

- She was on her way to the airport.

- Wait a minute. Mike Dawson?

Are you that boxer?

No, no. That's Mike Tyson.

Are you sure?

You look something like him.

Well, since then, I lost a lot of weight,

and I'm a vegetarian. Come on, man.

That's Mike Tyson?

- I thought he was in jail.

- Excuse me.

Can I say something, please?

Hello, sheriff.

Hello, Mary.

Could you let Sonny know that I might

be a little late getting home tonight?

Yes, ma'am. We'll do it right away.

Go tell Sonny what's going on.

You know where to find him.

Sorry to bother y'all.

Anybody else got some movies

to return or something real important?

All right, son, just calm down.

Come on, bring it in!

Watch it. Watch the curb.

- You got someplace cold?

- In the freezer.

- Take it in back.

- Oh, slow down, slow down.

SWAT team's on its way, sheriff.

Hey, grab me a Dove bar.

Can you get a two-shot

of the sheriff and me?

- I wanna use the cars as a backdrop.

- I think you're gonna want this.

Oh, man. We got the frigging

TV news too?

Hey, I thought that thing was only

hooked up to the security camera.

Well, I gotta keep up

with General Hospital.

Yeah. That's a good show.

- store in North Butte.

The information we have

is still sk etchy, but-

Wait a minute. One of the suspects

is approaching the door...

...possibly to surrender to police.

Gunfire!

Mary!

Hold your fire!

- I've been hit! Oh, damn!

- Oh, they frigging shot him, man.

Hold your fire!

Hold your fire!

- Hold me.

- It's okay, Michael.

I haven't been with a white girl before.

It's okay. It's the last minutes.

- Nobody will know.

- It's okay. It doesn't look that bad.

- It looks bad.

- It does, my brother?

- You gotta get that sh*t cleaned out.

- I know I do.

Oh, okay. How about some alcohol

to clean it?

Jack, what the hell's going on in there?

You got any casualties?

You need a doctor in there?

Be strong.

- It looks real bad now.

- I know it does.

You know, sometimes warriors

get nipped in the heat of battle.

- Carry on, my Caucasoidian brother.

- Some warrior.

- Peace. Be still.

- Okay, maybe I should get some ice.

I can't feel my legs.

Icing could damage the optic nerve...

...if there's a fluid build-up

in the ocular cavity.

- My cavities are filled.

- Okay, then what should we do?

First, we've gotta determine

if the eye is dislocated...

...or merely protruding

from the socket.

That might be hard. He always

looked a little cockeyed to me.

- You got a sterile cloth?

- How sterile?

- Okay. Who's got steady hands?

- Let me.

Wait a minute, man. I've seen this.

I've been to jail.

I know what y'all trying to do.

- I think I feel some peewee action.

- Forceps.

Do good.

- Oh, my God.

- A hunk of glass?

- Dorito.

- Barbecue or Cool Ranch?

Cool Ranch.

What kind of gun shoots...

...Doritos?

According to police sources,

Mik e Tyson-

That's right, the former

heavyweight champion.

- is at this moment engaged...

...in the fight of his life

inside this convenience store.

Tyson is believed to be a hostage...

What can I get you, honey?

Just a cup of coffee, please.

You look like you could use something

stronger than a cup of coffee.

Oh, no. I don't drink hard liquor.

Oh, no, now, all right. Let me guess.

He dumped you for some young thing

with a loose top and a tight bottom.

Well, no. Actually, it was a car.

Sounds like my second husband.

Oh, he had a thing for cars?

No, he had a thing for prison movies

and young boys.

Hurt just the same.

Sheriff! Sheriff, emergency call.

Yeah?

No, you're gonna have to speak up.

Tell Jeremy to keep his pitches low.

Johnson is a sucker for a low ball.

Howard? Alice? What the hell

are you two doing here?

I understand that you've got

Mike Tyson in there.

I'd like to tell him that I lost a bundle

on that Douglas fight.

Yeah.

But when you're pulling

a potato chip out your ass...

...it just puts everything

in perspective.

The Moki Indians of Peru

believe that a near-death experience...

...cleanses the spirit

and imparts worldly wisdom...

...otherwise gained only through

vast years of intensive struggle.

Of course, they also eat bugs

and sacrifice virgins.

Ever eaten a bug?

I had a bug-eyed virgin.

Jack, Jack. Come on.

Do you mind playing

something else, man?

Think I got it, sheriff.

Well, let's give it to them.

Wait. I think this is it.

Somebody shoot that harmonica.

- Hey.

- Hey.

We gonna do this today?

There go the Dove bars.

Yeah!

Well, what now, sheriff?

We wait.

You'd think that cutting the power

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